Archive for the 'God Awful' Category

05
Feb
26

Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Murdered teenagers, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/5/26

Starring: A guy who does Speed Stick commercials, the girl from The Flash, and a bit of C. Thomas Howell

Plot: A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it’s up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from…Killer Donuts.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Show Dandy Donuts sign
  • Donuts eating someone

Quotes:

  • “Please never enter my lair when my door is locked.”
  • “Damn that acid is kicking in.”
  • While having sex… “You’re the clam in my chowder baby.”
  • “You’re not remotely disturbed by the fact that I just hit this guy with my car at 60 miles an hour, he survived, looked like a zombie, then shat his guts out, glowing green radioactive shit, in case you guys missed that part, before plopping over and dropping dead?”
  • “Ball on fire man!  Ball on fire!”
  • “Just give us enough pink stuff to kill the donuts.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Why is this scene happening at all?”
  • “Getting eaten by a donut… it’s a terrible way to go.”

Things We Learned:

  • Donuts have a random eject button from the fryer, and the donuts come out fully glazed.
  • Donuts can drive a car.

Final Thought:

It was ok.  It definitely owes a lot to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.  So, it’s got that going for it.  It also has C. Thomas Howell, which is another bonus.  But it doesn’t really go over the top with the potential it has.

18
Dec
25

Werewolf Santa (2023)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/18/25

Starring: There was apparently a dude from Teen Wolf.

Plot: Santa turns into a Werewolf on Christmas Eve.

Rules:

  • General Britisisms
  • Say “Happy Christmas”
  • Disembowelments

Quotes:

  • “He’s in a band called I Piss on Your Soul.”
  • “Oh my God, I saw a penis.”
  • “Rupert, go deep throat an ice cream cone.”
  • “Rupert, I can feel when the camera is on my arse.”
  • “I have a dead tramp’s eyeball on my car.”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Why are they in a haunted house?”
  • “I’ve forgotten this movie as we’re literally watching it.”
  • “This is how I want to go out… screaming at my daughter asking her to kill me.”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to do something in your life to earn having bright red hair.
  • Santa has a cheap crappy sleigh.
  • Doggers are couples who like swinging in the woods.
  • If you kill the alpha werewolf first, then all the others will turn back.

Final Take:

Between the bubble machine that randomly shoots bubbles to look like snow and Santa’s sleigh that looks like a cardboard box with a dollar store set of Xmas lights on it, this movie really spares all expense.  It wasn’t terrible, but there are some scenes with not much going on that brings everything to a crawl.  I wouldn’t say I’d avoid it, but I can’t recommend it either.

22
May
25

Poolboy: Drowing Out the Fury (2011)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Assassins, Bad Movies, God Awful, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: (5/22/25)

Starring: Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo and a little bit of Jason Mewes (who must have lost a bet)

Plot: A man returns to California to be a pool cleaner after an eternity of fighting in Vietnam. But it’s been taken over by Mexicans and one of them murdered his family. He settles it the only way he knows.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Poolboy”
  • Filmmaker narration scenes
  • Kevin Sorbo saying terrible stuff

Quotes:

  • “Maybe I’ll dress up as a scarecrow and watch you sleep with my wife”
  • ‘It’s just… f*ck you Alexander Graham Bell.”
  • “What did you bring me his arm for anyway?  You should have brought me his d*ck.”
  • “Why are you making mashed potatoes with dildos?”
  • “I don’t want to die in stock footage?”
  • “I sh*t enchiladas and piss Horchata.”
  • “I could buttplug a double quarter pounder right now.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “What is this f*cking movie?”
  • “What is going on here?”
  • “Is Kevin Sorbo 69ing a blow-up doll?”

Things We Learned:

  • Will Smith made Pat Morita die in real life.
  • You can get a handjob from a clown… and it’s a sexual awakening.
  • Wang Chung will license Dance Hall Days for any purpose… including this movie.

Final Take:

This movie is purposely terrible.  The acting, plot, etc. is awful.  That part mostly works and is generally funny.  It also ventures into being so racist and offensive that it tries to become satire, which is a harder needle to thread.  Its relentless offensiveness will be off-putting for most audiences, and it becomes tedious and too much at times.  (Especially so the lines delivered by Sorbo.  I don’t know how to accurately describe him with his terrible hot takes, but I just saw him called an “underemployed crabapple”, so let’s go with that.) 

I would be curious to know what Danny Trejo thinks about Poolboy today.  He’s a hugely likeable star and seemingly a good dude too.  On the other hand, he probably doesn’t give too sh*ts about this movie or even remembers it out of the hundreds he’s made.

Some funny stuff.  Some overly offensive and tedious stuff.  Proceed at your own peril.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

18
Jan
24

Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend (2012)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies, God Awful, Hillbillies, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 1/18/24

Starring: Bigfoot

Plot:

A tabloid reporter makes a shocking cryptozoological discovery while investigating a recent rash of Bigfoot sightings in this comedy featuring beer, bikinis, and the wildest party animal you’ve ever met.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Drinking booze
  • Footprints
  • Say Bigfoot or sasquatch
  • Mention loins

Quotes:

  • In response to what the hick is going to do when he captures bigfoot = “I’m going to take the missus out and get some egg rolls and spaghetti.”
  • “Personally, I think I’m going to bed, and I think all of that is a bunch of crap.”
  • “That guy’s nuttier than a ton of squirrel poop.”
  • “If you have to shave a hundred monkeys and then glue their fur to a homeless dude to get the picture… then do it!”
  • “You feel like playing sunbather and panty thief?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I keep waiting for bigfoots wild weekend.”
  • “There’s been very little bigfoot and very little wild weekend.”
  • “What’s the wrong end of the urinal?”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to go camping is straight from running on the track without changing or getting camping stuff.
  • The best way to lure bigfoot is to drink beer and take your top off… Or get toasty (aka high) and invite him in.

Final Take:

It starts off well enough, but then Bigfoot disappears for a long period of time. Other characters are introduced and then never seen again. It doesn’t do nearly enough with the premise. So, skippable.

01
Dec
22

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cowboys, God Awful, Historical Fiction, SciFi Channel, Spin-off or sequel, Time Travel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date watched: 12/1/22

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A Fox, Dude from 30 Rock

Plot: Fin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to stop the first Sharknado and save humanity. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “time”
  • Callbacks to previous Sharknado movies that we don’t remember
  • Say “Sharknado”
  • Dee Snider quotes one of his songs or other cameos that the character makes a reference to themselves
  • Talking about needing speed

Quotes:

  • “Welcome to prehistoric times.”
  • “I’ve actually been eaten and pooped out by a lot of dinosaurs.”
  • “First time ever on a pterodactyl?”
  • “These are the same drawings that are at Stonehenge.”
  • Dee Snider: “I think I know who’s twisted Mister.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that the guy from 30 Rock?”
  • “This movie is… something else.”
  • “OMG that is Deana Troy.”
  • “C’mon, you’re better than this Neil deGrasse Tyson.”
  • “If I could get a chainsaw sword for Christmas, I would be pretty delighted.”

Things We Learned:

  • You can only go back in time once.
  • One of the consequences of travelling in time is changing sexes and then not remembering.
  • 20,000 years in the future all people are Tara Reid

Final Take:

Well, if you’ve made it through five other Sharknado movies, then you kind of know what you’re getting into with number six. I can’t say that this one is better or worse than the others, because I have little to no memory of them. They all provide a decent BMT experience, and they all are immediately forgettable. I think we’re kind of glad to be done with this series. Wait, what’s that you say? Ian Ziering and the makers of Sharknado created another movie called “Zombie Tidal Wave”? Darn, I guess we kind of have to see that at some point. 🙂

15
Sep
22

Ninja 3: The Domination (1984)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Elite, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Ninjas, Revenge and Spin-off or sequel
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: 9/15/22

Starring: The old guy who sells Gremlins

Plot: An evil ninja attempts to avenge his death from beyond the grave, by possessing an innocent woman’s body. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Ninja weapons
  • Superhero Ninja Things
  • 80s callbacks to other movies
  • Floating swords
  • Christie dancing

Quotes:

  • “You got this to kill a cop with or something?”
  • “I don’t have any coffee in my apartment, but I have some v8 juice.  Would you like to take me home?”
  • “I am a ninja!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I remember my mom did jazzercise at the rec center.”
  • “There’s nothing sexy about v8.”
  • “She’s going to call 187 demon ninja.”
  • “He’s so hairy.  He looks like Gollum.  He should take his sweater off.”

Things we learned:

  • Ninjas can crush golf balls and pool balls with their hands.
  • Ninjas can dig holes like a gopher.
  • Only a ninja can destroy a ninja.

Final Take:

Wow, there’s a lot to take in, and I mean that as a compliment! This is a very odd, silly, stupid, ridiculous movie that is incredibly enjoyable to watch. I would highly recommend this piece as pure BMT “art”.

19
May
22

Avalanche Sharks (2014)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Knock-Offs and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 5/19/22

Starring: No one we know.

Plot: Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Electrical disturbances
  • Shark fins/shark kills
  • Bikinis
  • Say “Skookum”
  • Montage scenes
  • Say “Mammoth”

Quotes:

  • “Is it weird that signs like that give me a hard on?”
  • “I never said he couldn’t lust after me.”
  • Q: “We can’t just sit around drink beer and have sex all the time.”  A: “Why not? I thought you liked beer.”
  • “I mean she was mauled to death.  There was nothing left to make a sloppy joe.”
  • “No Dale, I’m not crazy.  I’m a marine.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This movie is filmed like a promotional video for Mammoth.” 

Things we learned:

  • The best time to exercise is when you’re high.
  • The best way to settle a dispute over a girl is a sweet snowmobile race.

Final Take:

Woof.  This sounded really intriguing and over the top, but it failed terribly with the execution.  Bad CGI kills that aren’t particularly fun.  Random skiing stock footage scenes.  Billed as “the story of a bikini contest”, except there’s no bikini contest. 

03
Feb
22

Yor:  The Hunter from the Future (1983)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Foreign, God Awful, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/3/22

Starring: Reb Brown (nominated for a Razzie for this role)

Plot: A warrior seeks his true origins in a seemingly prehistoric wasteland. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Theme song being played
  • Dinosaurs
  • Say “Yor”
  • Old man shoots his arrow
  • Rocks that look like penises

Quotes:

  • “Yor’s different than other guys.”
  • “DAMN talking box!”

Viewer Quotes:                                   

  • “Is he from the future even though he looks like He-Man?”
  • “Is that a Triceratops crossed with a Stegosaurus… a Tristegatops?”
  • “There’s no monogamy in cave man days.”
  • “They should reboot this franchise.”  “No!”

Things we learned:

  • The best way to kill a Tristegatops is with an axe.
  • It’s hard to hide a boner wearing a loin cloth.  Wait, we already knew that from years ago.
  • Bad guys in the olden days wore purple paint on their faces.
  • Yor is good at being captured.
  • A generous man does what his heart commands.

Final Take:

This movie really had it all. It’s hard to believe that the movie at the end was the same movie that we started with. For most of the run time, we had no idea where the “Hunter from the Future” tagline came from. Then all of the sudden the Darth Vader clones showed up. (Actually, they kind of look more like Dark Helmet.) According to IMDB, this was originally an Italian miniseries that ran 200 minutes and was split into four parts. Now, condensed into one 90 minute movie, it operates as somewhat of a weird fever dream. If it were rated “R” and just went all out with the gore and craziness it would be a lot better. As it stands, it’s just kind of weird and tame.

« Previous Entries
February 2026
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728  

Months

Blogroll

Recent Entries