05
Feb
26

Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Murdered teenagers, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/5/26

Starring: A guy who does Speed Stick commercials, the girl from The Flash, and a bit of C. Thomas Howell

Plot: A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it’s up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from…Killer Donuts.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Show Dandy Donuts sign
  • Donuts eating someone

Quotes:

  • “Please never enter my lair when my door is locked.”
  • “Damn that acid is kicking in.”
  • While having sex… “You’re the clam in my chowder baby.”
  • “You’re not remotely disturbed by the fact that I just hit this guy with my car at 60 miles an hour, he survived, looked like a zombie, then shat his guts out, glowing green radioactive shit, in case you guys missed that part, before plopping over and dropping dead?”
  • “Ball on fire man!  Ball on fire!”
  • “Just give us enough pink stuff to kill the donuts.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Why is this scene happening at all?”
  • “Getting eaten by a donut… it’s a terrible way to go.”

Things We Learned:

  • Donuts have a random eject button from the fryer, and the donuts come out fully glazed.
  • Donuts can drive a car.

Final Thought:

It was ok.  It definitely owes a lot to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.  So, it’s got that going for it.  It also has C. Thomas Howell, which is another bonus.  But it doesn’t really go over the top with the potential it has.

23
Jan
26

Willy’s Wonderland

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Viewing Date: 1/22/2026

Starring: Nic Cage, Nuff Said

Plot: Basically Five Nights at Freddys

Rules

  • The birthday song
  • Showing Willy
  • Advanced Rule: Nicolas Cage’s meaningful glances
  • Beer Alarm
  • Nicolas Cage makes a noise

Quotes

  • Ostrich – “I’m gonna feast on your face!”
  • “What’s the plan?” – “See that phone? We’re going to sit here and pray it don’t ring.”
  • “Pretty sure that saying is protect and serve.”
  • “Put your balls on, Evan, we’re going to Willy’s.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Is this a Weekend at Bernie’s situation? Is Nicolas Cage dead through all this and they’re just puppeting his body?”
  • “I like that he wasn’t the least bit surprised by this thing coming to life and attacking him. It’s like he knew.”
  • “This is something. I can’t believe he’s just going back to work cleaning after this thing started to kill him.”
  • “They should be giving him $5000 for this cleaning job. This is like a Kitchen Nightmare situation.”
  • “What is your life like where you’re not surprised by anything happening here.”
  • “By the way, there are no vents anywhere that are this big.”
  • “This guy’s related to James Van Der Beek, right?”
  • “He never had anything to say and they never explained it.”

What We Learned

  • Nothing we didn’t already know.
    • Don’t spend the night in some run-down building in exchange for anything.
    • Don’t separate from the group.
    • Don’t have sex in the kill room.
    • Don’t accept sacrificing victims to satanic robots instead of just destroying those robots.
    • Don’t do a movie where you have the most camera time and no lines.

Final Take

This was definitely worth it, enjoyable all the way around. Totally inexplicable in a lot of ways, too, so you just kind of have to roll with that part. Why does this guy never talk, and why is he not surprised by what’s happening to him? Never mind any of that. Just don’t think too hard and it will be a good time.

18
Dec
25

Werewolf Santa (2023)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/18/25

Starring: There was apparently a dude from Teen Wolf.

Plot: Santa turns into a Werewolf on Christmas Eve.

Rules:

  • General Britisisms
  • Say “Happy Christmas”
  • Disembowelments

Quotes:

  • “He’s in a band called I Piss on Your Soul.”
  • “Oh my God, I saw a penis.”
  • “Rupert, go deep throat an ice cream cone.”
  • “Rupert, I can feel when the camera is on my arse.”
  • “I have a dead tramp’s eyeball on my car.”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Why are they in a haunted house?”
  • “I’ve forgotten this movie as we’re literally watching it.”
  • “This is how I want to go out… screaming at my daughter asking her to kill me.”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to do something in your life to earn having bright red hair.
  • Santa has a cheap crappy sleigh.
  • Doggers are couples who like swinging in the woods.
  • If you kill the alpha werewolf first, then all the others will turn back.

Final Take:

Between the bubble machine that randomly shoots bubbles to look like snow and Santa’s sleigh that looks like a cardboard box with a dollar store set of Xmas lights on it, this movie really spares all expense.  It wasn’t terrible, but there are some scenes with not much going on that brings everything to a crawl.  I wouldn’t say I’d avoid it, but I can’t recommend it either.

05
Dec
25

Shark Side of the Moon

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Viewing Date: 12/4/2025

Starring: Maxi Witrak, Ego Mikitas

Plot: Decades ago, the USSR developed unkillable sharks and launched them to the moon. Today, a team of American astronauts will endure the fight of their lives.

Rules

  • Stupid space science jargon (Advanced rule, this is literally every other line of the movie)
  • “Yutu-2” or “Quequio Sattellite”
  • References to the Dark Side of the Moon album

Quotes

  • “Nothing under the moon should cause ripples like that.”
  • “Why are there sharks on the moon?”
  • “Americans…welcome to the moon!”
  • “I knew there was something ‘fishy’ about her.”
  • “Follow me, and don’t get any blood on you.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “They are half human.” – “The bottom half.”
  • “The first thing you should do when you’re about to crash into the moon is strap your seatbelt.”
  • “It’s interesting that rebooting the ship didn’t affect their artificial gravity.”
  • “Who’s going to open a window? I don’t think they make windows that roll down in a space ship.”
  • “So he’s got a half-shark daughter?” – “Technically she’s a quarter shark.”
  • “She hears pretty well in the vacuum of space.”
  • “What do space sharks eat? There’s nothing to hunt on the moon.”
  • “Is that actually his daughter? Did he make love to a shark lady?”
  • “With all their hybrid shark technology, they can’t make a rocket?” – “They can’t even make proper clothes.”
  • “That’s the song I want playing when I die. Yakkity Saks.”
  • “That’s what I felt like after Thanksgiving.”

What We Learned

  • In the future, astronauts don’t have headphones. Two of them split a pair of air pods.
  • When you’re in trouble, restart the ship.
  • Hybrid space sharks can track electromagnetic waves.
  • Chain mail can replace a space suit on the moon.
  • Space sharks have nipples
  • Hybrid sharks reproduce in jars with umbilical chords.

Final Take

The whole movie was just utter nonsense, but I didn’t hate it. That’s the best way to summarize this movie experience. You’d think a movie about space sharks would be a pretty simple plot to follow, but you’d be wrong. There’s no explanation for most of what you see and you’ll be left with a lot more questions than answers. On the whole, though, I’d say it was worth the watch. I look forward to reading this post again in the future and reliving these memories.

06
Nov
25

Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies, Cults, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Hillbillies, Murdered teenagers, Nudity, Revenge and Rules
Tags: , , , , ,

Date Watched: 11/6/25

Starring: One of the bad guys from Cliffhanger

Plot: A kindly old grandfather is actually the leader of a murderous satanic cult which sacrifices its victims on Halloween.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Jack-O-Lantern”
  • Halloween cliches
  • Showing ASL “I love you” sign
  • Product placement
  • Flashbacks

Quotes:

  • “Your hand is so cold…” said while grabbing a dead man’s hand by mistake while making out at a cemetery on top of a freshly dug grave and not realizing it.
  • “The power is the blood!”
  • To a cop: “Sometime when you’re off duty, I’d love to pull your trigger.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these credits over… nope.  Wow, these are long.”
  • “Is this the pumpkin man?”
  • “Is this a Bollywood movie about Halloween?”
  • “Is that girl a salad?”  (About a girl wearing a salad hat costume.)
  • “That standup comedian was the worst.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way home is right through the cemetery.

Final Take:

This is a solid crappy Halloween movie.  There’s a lot going on from the “kindly” grandfather to literally one of the worst stand up comics I’ve ever seen.  Highly bizarre and highly watchable… it’s worth checking out.

17
Oct
25

Chopping Mall

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Viewing Date: 10/16/2025

Starring: Murderbots, Kelli Maroney

Plot: A group of young shopping mall employees stay behind for a late night party in one of the stores. When the mall goes on lock-down before they can get out, the robot security system malfunctions, and goes on a killing spree. (IMDB)

Rules

  • Quintessential 80’s stuff
  • Smoking (Advanced rule! Everyone smokes in the 80’s)
  • T & A
  • Product Placement
  • Robot opens their robot hatch
  • “Thank you, have a nice day.”
  • Glass shattering.

Quotes

  • “They remind me of your mother. It’s the laser eyes.”
  • “Let’s go send those fuckers a Rambo-gram.”
  • “I guess I’m just not used to being chased around the mall in the middle of the night by killer robots.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “This movie’s pretty good.” – “Yeah, not bad.”
  • “Why don’t they just run up the stairs?”
  • “Why is this robot so inaccurate with its laser beam shots?”
  • “That’s why he brought the propane cannister.”
  • “With it being called Chopping Mall, shouldn’t there be more blades?”

What We Learned

  • Robot’s have different colored lasers.
  • Malls in the 80’s had entire rooms piled high with metal junk, like the trash compactor in Star Wars.

Final Take

This was a surprisingly good Bad Movie Thursday choice. I’d never even heard of it before, and it was definitely on the shorter side, but it held its own throughout. For those of us Gen X children of the 80’s, seeing all the mall shots brought a serious nostalgia wave. On top of that there was classic 80’s era T&A, ridiculous practical horror effects, and stupid robots. This was definitely worth a watch.

02
Oct
25

Shiver Me Timbers (2025)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Gory, Murdered teenagers and Mutants
Tags:

Viewing Date: Oct 2, 2025

Starring: Amy Mackie, Brendan Nelson, Tony Greer, yeah, no one you would recognize.

Plot: In 1986 Northern California, Olive Oyl, her brother Castor and friends, go on a camping trip to see the meteor shower with Halley’s comet. But the night turns into horror as a meteor transforms Popeye, into a unstoppable killing machine. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Popeye cliches (spinach, pipe, etc) (this sadly doesn’t really pay off)
  • Continuity errors
  • Night sky / meteors
  • Kids doin’ drugs
  • 80’s movie quotes and references

Quotes

  • “Someone killed Steve! They ripped off his head… and shit down his neck!”
  • “Here’s to your Willy Peter!”

What We Learned

  • There is a connection between Popeye and Halley’s Comet for some reason.
  • Don’t smoke meteorite rocks.
  • Indiscriminate meteorites are just as deadly as a psychopathic killer
  • You can use a meteorite to power a giant saw blade attached to your arm.

Final Take

Since Popeye recently entered the ‘public domain’ (anyone can freely use the character without copyright or trademark infringement), this is one of many horror movies released this year trying to capitalize on it. The issue I have with it is that it seems like the whole Popeye element seems to be shoehorned into an already existing idea / script about how the appearance of Haley’s Comet in the 80’s somehow resulted in horrific consequences. One of those consequences just happened to be transforming a sailor into a murderous freak with super strength, and the main heroine is named Olive Oyl. In the end, the Popeye element really wasn’t used to full potential and wasn’t even really necessary- but I suppose we wouldn’t have selected this movie otherwise. There were some ridiculous kills, and some funny scenes and dialogue, but the Popeye monster should have been more fun and leaned into some of the expected tropes associated with the classic character.

Here’s hoping the other exploitative Popeye movies are more entertaining.

12
Sep
25

UHF

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Viewing Date: 9/11/2025

Starring: Weird Al, Fran Drescher, Michael Richard, Victoria Jackson

Plot: An unemployed visionary becomes the manager of a local television station. The station becomes a success, with all sorts of hilarious sight gags and wacky humor.

Rules

  • New Spoofs or parody (one drink per scene)
  • Clumsy Slapstick
  • Looking directly in the camera
  • Dream Sequence
  • “Channel 62”

Quotes

  • “I don’t know the first thing about working at a TV Station.” – “Don’t worry, Bob, it’s just like working at a fish market. Only you don’t have to clean and gut fish all day.”
  • “People like that should be put to sleep.”
  • “After 15 years they just toss me out like an old bag of moldy tangerines.”
  • “Hey, these floors are dirty as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.”
  • “Badgers…Badgers…We don’t need no stinking badgers.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “A hot dog in a twinkie with E-Z Cheese?” – “We’ve got to have a bet where the loser has to eat one of those.”

What We Learned

  • The best way to eat a hot dog is in a twinkie wiener sandwich
  • Owners of big TV stations are total A Holes.

Final Take

This was not too shabby. Lots of slapstick and the rules definitely paid off. Weird Al’s brand of humor isn’t for everyone, but if you like his songs then you’re probably going to like this.

28
Aug
25

My Name is Bruce (2007)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Assassins, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 8/28/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell (duh)

Plot: Mistaken for his character Ash from the ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy, Bruce Campbell is forced to fight a real monster in a small Oregon town.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Bruce Campbell”
  • References to old Bruce movies
  • Say “Quan Di”

Quotes:

  • “I love beer”
  • “Light me, don’t fight me”
  • “Liquor please!”
  • “Oh hey, a MILF is a MILF”
  • “Sleep with the scorpions, bitch!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Did Bruce Campbell write this for himself?”
  • “Is this movie just a rip-off of Three Amigos?”

Things We Learned:

  • In Oregon people are always eating bean curd.

Final Take:

This was a mixed bag.  There’s definitely some funny parts, and Bruce Campbell is endlessly watchable, but it’s really hit or miss.  If you like BC, then you’ll likely find this enjoyable if not memorable.  For anyone else, I’d likely skip it.

27
Jun
25

The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck (1988)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Amazon women, Cannibalism, Knock-Offs and Nudity
Tags: , ,

Viewing Date: Jun 26, 2025

Starring: David Keith, Kathy Shower, Brant Van Hoffman

Plot: A drunken, down-on-his-luck adventurer is hired by a wealthy man and his beautiful wife to take them on a hunting expedition in the jungle. After a while, though, the guide begins to suspect that there’s more to the expedition than just hunting. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Tennessee Buck is drunk
  • Elephant hijinks (sadly, this did not come into play)
  • “cannibal”

Quotes

  • (viewer): “Tennessee Buck has had zero adventure so far” (mid-way through the movie)
  • “The way to a man’s heart is through his liver.”
  • “4-5 hours a day, 7 days a week.” “You practice shooting that much?” “No. That’s how much I drink.”

What We Learned

  • Keith David is not David Keith
  • Cannibals call human meat “long pig”
  • Cannibals sleep outdoors in piles (like the Croods?)
  • Nothing leads to a romantic jungle encounter like having your husband decapitated and then getting raped.

Final take

I can see how this film came together: Mid-80’s, a group of low budget filmmakers sitting around a table thinking about how to capitalize on the success of Indiana Jones.

“Our hero should be a drunk loser that still has a way with the ladies. What should we call him? Alabama Smith? Arkansas Pete? I got it- Tennessee Buck!”

“Great! But he can’t be too likeable. Let’s have him shoot an abused elephant in one of the opening scenes.”

“I like it. Should it be a slapstick comedy? Action adventure? Suspense and horror? Porn?”

“Let’s do it all! But we need jungle natives that behave like cave people in black face- and wacky cannibals! And let’s conclude it with a decapitation and graphic rape scene!”

“Pure gold!!!”

So we have no idea what this movie is supposed to be- it is a mash up of several genres that doesn’t do any of them well. There are a few funny lines, but the movie never figures out what exactly it is trying to be. And why exactly are these are the ‘further’ adventures of Tennessee Buck? The ‘adventure-level’ of this movie was questionable at best. Did they think this steaming pile of crap would lead to a prequel or something else because viewers were left wanting to know more about this fascinating character? In summary, it seemed like a great BMT fit, with all the necessary ingredients, but in the end is only borderline enjoyable.

« Previous Entries
February 2026
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
232425262728  

Months

Blogroll

Recent Entries