Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 9/21/2017

Starring: Cubano Joe and/or Ricky Martin, nobody else.

Rules

• “The Veil”
• People wearing the mask (or veil)
• “The princess”
• Stupid strut walking

Quotes

• “My dream of rebuilding our kingdom is finally coming true, and I won’t stop killing until I do.”

Viewer Quotes

• “All this plot exposition is bullshit.” – “It’s not like we’re missing out on anything.”
• “That’s just nerds taking karate classes.” – “They’re larping.”
• “Is that really the coolest sword they could come up with?” – “It sure doesn’t look very cool.”
• “If they’re not a nomadic people, and have been there for years and years, why would they have those silly tents?”
• “What in the fuck just happened?”

Things We Learned

• Don’t put dead bodies in your water supply.
• What the word discursive means.  I will never forget the meaning of that word because of this movie.

Final Take: As a wise man on IMDB once said, “this movie is very discursive.”  Completely impossible to follow.  The action was not good, the acting was pretty bad, the storytelling was unintelligible, there was just nothing redeemable in this pile of crazy.  The best that could be said of this movie is that nobody fell asleep.

Viewing Date: 9/7/17

Starring: Wes Bentley, Michael Madsen, Eric Roberts, Kaitlin Doubleday

Plot: Successful writer and scholar Jonathan Merrick falls under the spell of the irresistible, bewitchingly beautiful Ligeia. She’s fighting a fatal illness and she will stop at nothing to defeat death, her one true enemy. She steals other people’s souls and on her quest to immortality she tricks Jonathan into supporting her work, breaking him apart from his fiancé Rowena and pulling him into her dark, mysterious world. They settle down in an old manor by the Black Sea where Ligeia’s everlasting presence slowly drives Jonathan to madness… (via IMDB)

Rules

• Creepy Swing
• Horseback Riding
• Bleeding Eyes
• Grim Reaper
• “Macabre”
• Snake Symbol

Quotes

• “You’re vibrating with sexual energy.”

Viewer Quotes

• “He (Wes B) should stick to back-up roles- secondary villains.” “Like Supernatural…” “Or One Tree Hill…” “Or TeenWolf.”
• “This is me, when I’m 60.  Drinking absinthe in Crimea.”  “Having a cigarette.”
• “I’ve seen a lot of 90 minutes movies before, but this is the longest.”
• “She’s a conduit.”  “A condiment.”
• “At least there wasn’t a monkey butler.”

What We Learned

• Women are attracted to men with money (no, really.)
• If you’re possessed, you have a different hairstyle
• Being in an Academy Award winning film early in your career doesn’t necessarily mean additional success.