Archive for May, 2017


Mutant Chronicles


Date Watched: 5/25/2017

Starring: A surprising number of big name actors – Ron Perlman, Thomas Jane, John Malkovich, Alfred from Gotham, that chick from Sin City, etc.

Plot: 28th century soldier Mitch Hunter leads a fight against an army of underworld Mutants.


  • Overly complicated transition shots
  • References to the machine
  • Big name actors who shouldn’t be in this movie
  • (Advanced Rule) – Extreme close-ups
  • Smoking cigarettes
  • References to “corporation”


  • “Do you not receive the sacrament?”  –  “I’m not hungry.”
  • “Death is the shark.  I’m just a guy with a gun.”
  • “You can fuck a lot of people.  You only die once.”
  • “There’s this girl.  I don’t even know her name…” – “You gave your ticket to a girl and you didn’t even fuck her?” – “I said I didn’t know her name.” – “So you did fuck her then!”
  • “And she’ll show her gratitude by shining my crack all the way to Mars.”
  • “What do you weight?” – “Very little.”
  • “What does it say?” – “Abandon all hope…motherfuckers.”
  • “Any last words?” – “Shut the fuck up.”
  • “What do you believe?” – “I don’t get paid to believe…I get paid to fuck shit up.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Are they flying a plane or operating a train?”
  • “Anybody hurt?  We’ve just been fighting mutants, for crissakes.”
  • “A steam-powered ship can make it to Mars?”
  • “Luckily the other mutants are giving them this time for a one-on-one battle.”

Things We Learned

  • Mutants can fly planes.
  • Machines can create mutants and have no reason to do so.
  • 800 years in the future machines will be flown using coal.
  • There are no countries, only corporations.




Evil Aliens


Viewing Date: 5/11/17

Starring:  Emily Booth, Jamie Honeybourne, Sam Butler (some Brits)


A TV crew, desperate to boost ratings, arrive on a remote Welsh farming island to investigate an intriguing incident. A local girl and her boyfriend had been abducted by aliens, who also impregnated her. (via


  • “English!! (spitting)
  • Stones (mini Stonehenge)
  • Fluid get splattered.
  • Dismemberment


  • “Nobody fucks with a UFO enthusiast!”
  • “What the fuckin’ hell the matter is with our bovine chums?”
  • “At least I’ll never get pregnant…  Loser!!!”
  • “I think it’s a little too late to win them over, honey!”
  • “What in Roddenberry’s name is that?!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “To me, it still doesn’t beat the thing going in his ass.”
  • “Aliens, Zombies and Nazis.  Those are the things that you can kill in video games and no one cares.”
  • “Now that’s what I call an abortion.”

What we Learned

  • Its very easy to rip off arms and dismember people / aliens.
  • You fly UFO’s and also mind control humans by rubbing a giant brain
  • Just go for the alien mask- an unmasked alien is an instant kill.

Final Take

This was a re-watch of one of our most memorable BMT films.  As we remembered, it was gratuitous in every sense- and a lot of fun to watch again.  This movie is in the Bad Movie Thursday hall of fame.