Archive for April, 2016

22
Apr
16

Nightbreed (Director’s Cut)

nightbreed

Plot: A troubled young man is drawn to a mythical place called Midian where a community of mutant outcasts attempt to escape the attention of a psychotic serial killer and redneck vigilantes. Based on the novel “Cabal” by Clive Barker. (via IMDB)

Starring: Craig Sheffer

Rules

  • “Dr. P. Decker” nameplate is shown
  • Button Eyes kills someone
  • Any scene that goes on way too long
  • “Midian”

Quotes

  • “You are a freak and a cannibal and you’ve come to the wrong town.”
  • “No pulse, the man is dead!”
  • “Not lying down dead, my friend.  Walking around in my fuckin’ cell dead.”
  • “Looks like the millenium just ended.”

 

Viewer Quotes

  • “Did she say ‘I want a gay man?'”
  • “I’m disappointed he doesn’t have a moon penis.”
  • “That’s not too bad…better than being a turkey being of some kind.”
  • “Why are there stupid sink holes everywhere?”
  • “That guy…the priest-slash-faggot.”

What We Learned

  • If you’re natural, you’re meat for a beast.
  • Night Breed are not good at fighting back and probably should just hide from now on.
01
Apr
16

3 Headed Shark Attack (2015)

3-Headed-Shark-Attack-2015

Plot: As a mutated, three-headed, great white shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers have to fight the deadly predator using anything they can find.

Starring: Danny Trejo, Rob Van Dam

Rules

  • Shark eating multiple rules at once.
  • “Garbage Patch”
  • Hot girls spewing scientific nonsense
  • External shots of the underwater facility
  • Creature vision swimming over the sand bar

Quotes

“How are the new kids?”  “He’s talking about her boobs” (viewer quote)

“I know what’s going on.  It’s being drawn in by the pollution of the larger vessel.  It’s driving it insane.”

Viewer Quotes

“Where are the fishermen?  Taking  a siesta?”

“I can’t believe Dr. Boobs went out like that.”

“These are the worst group of scientists since Denise Richards in the James Bond movie.”

What We Learned

  • Somehow, when you’re confronted with a 3 headed shark, you’re safer on a 25 foot boat than on dry land (an island).
  • Eating aluminum cans will make a shark insane (especially a 3 headed one).
  • Plastic lawn chairs can turn deadly when your booze cruise is attacked by a 3 headed shark.
  • In the world of “3 Headed Shark”, boats cannot get within 100 feet of the shore, forcing you to “swim for it”
  • A mutant 3 headed shark will grow more heads if existing heads are removed.
  • Sharks can make boats explode