Archive for August, 2012

31
Aug
12

Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives

Viewing Date: 8/30/2012

Summary: A group of trannies are violently bashed and left for dead. The surviving ladies regain consciousness, confidence, and courage ready to seek out revenge on the ones who attacked them.

Starring: a bunch of Transvestites.

Rules:

Chapter Change.

Snaps

“Honey”

“Bubbles”

Quotes:

“This ain’t bridge over troubled tranny.”

“I’m sorry, but all further questions must be submitted in writing and emailed to shut the hell up dot com.”

(fart) “Oops.  ‘Scuse me.  Tacos.”

“No Boner don’t!  Stay down!”

Viewer Quotes:

“I just want to see what they look like- the nipples.”

What We Learned:

Getting hit over the head and going into a coma gives you a lisp.

 

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24
Aug
12

Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies (2012)

Image

Plot:

While the Civil War rages on, President Abraham Lincoln must undertake an even more daunting task – destroying the Confederate Undead. *Note – all undead are from the south.

Starring Sean Penn (allegedly)

Rules:

  • “Operation Shanty”
  • Decapitations
  • “Mr. Brown”
  • Historical figure references from out of nowhere.

Quotes:

  • “Zombies?!  That sounds like slave talk to me, sir!”
  • “Emancipate this!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that supposed to be Benjamin Franklin?”
  • “Why is he the only one moving in slow motion?”
  • “How are they going to get anywhere, walking like they’re walking?”
  • “Why didn’t he bring soldiers instead of this troupe of gentlemen?”
  • “Didn’t he tell these dudes what they were in for first?”
  • “Is he really named Brown?  Was this made in 2012?”
  • “Bam!  What can Brown do for you?”
  • “Why is this guy being such a douche to Lincoln when he’s the one that’s been saving their bacon?”
  • “Why didn’t he just jump to the side of that train?  Why run along the tracks?”
  • “Why do they keep leaving the fort?  They just keep losing people every time they leave!”
  • “I hear it went well?  They lost almost everyone that went with them!”
  • “Whores and no boobs?  Come on…”

What We Learned:

  • Abraham Lincoln led his own poorly run special missions with ill-informed untrained gentlemen. 
  • Lincoln’s mother was a zombie.
  • Abraham Lincoln has poor taste in women and nearly married a whore.
  • Abraham Lincoln always uses the back door.
  • Teddy Roosevelt got the quote “Walk softly and carry a big stick” from Lincoln.
  • People from the south are completely unreasonable.  They will not even make peace with the north long enough to destroy the zombies in their fort. 
  • Every plan should involve ziplines.
17
Aug
12

Poultygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

Rules:

Bodily Fluids

Singing

Masturbation references

Troma references

Chicken references

 

Quotes:

You see I was antibeastiality and he was pro.

Who put these mysterious vein covered pulsating eggs in this box?

Now eat my meat you vegan whores!

How can I ever love someone who wants me to eat cock.

The chicken, the chicken has declared jihad on us all.

There’s a severed penis in this sloppy Jose.

I’ll believe in the supernatural when I see it talking sandwich.

If we don’t find a way to stop them we’ll all have mops shoved up our asses.

Hummus see if you can find his rectum.

I wish I was a princess.  (As two chicken men pull a guy apart.)

Wendy you fucking drunk.

 

Things I learned:

Never again.

You can make movies in 2006 that look like they’re from 1992.

Alcohol kills zombie Native American chickens.

 

Viewer Quotes:

“I want to unlearn this movie”

“There were a lot of boobs, but less then half of them were decent.”

16
Aug
12

Cool As Ice

Viewing Date: Aug 9, 2012

Starring: Vanilla Ice, Michael Gross

Summary: The old teen rebel saga is updated for the rap crowd, unfortunately rapper Vanilla Ice is the teen. Ice shows up on a neon-yellow motorcycle which gets everyone’s attention, including the female honor student who has never had a rebellious bone in her body.

Rules:

“Yep yep.”

Vanilla Ice doing motorcycle tricks.

Any spontaneous rapping or dancing.

Any time Vanilla Ice changes his hair or hat.

White people being shocked / disgusted.

“ice”

Quotes:

“Yo.  Peep that out.”

“You know.  The chick that drives the hooise.”

“I’m a big boy.  I’m also a thirsty one.”

Viewer Quotes:

“I wonder if Vanilla Ice falls asleep to this movie every night with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand…”

“Where are they?  Pee Wee’s playhouse?”

What We Learned:

You walk down the middle of the street in small towns.

Be kool, stay in skool.