Archive for July, 2015

24
Jul
15

Big Ass Spider

bigassspider

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Viewing Date: 7/23/2015

Starring:  Greg Grunberg (from Heroes!), Lin Shaye

Plot

A giant alien spider escapes from a military lab and rampage the city of Los Angeles. When a massive military strike fails, it is up to a team of scientists and one clever exterminator to kill the creature before the city is destroyed. (IMDB)

Rules

  • Spider bites
  • Say “spider”
  • Main character (Alex) hits on a girl
  • Alex hits toy on back of his truck
  • Say “Stage 5”

Quotes

“Like the living dead?”  “No Jose.” “But I like those movies.”

“Did you see the arachnid?”  “I don’t know what you said- I like your pipe.”

“What I saw was 20 inches and black.”  “Oh..  Sounds funny.”

“So we got to shoot the spider in the butt….”

“I’ll see you in hell!!!”

Viewer Quotes

(none- sorry.  This is for us.)

What We Learned

  • Big spiders cause power fluctuations
  • Spiders like shiny objects
    • But it is only to catch bums
  • You kill spiders by shooting them in the butt
  • You don’t have to worry about the alien baby spiders that just hatched.  I’m sure it will be just fine.  Congratulations everyone.

Final Take

Not too bad.  We don’t think it was worthy of the 4.5+ stars on Netflix, but it was an above average bad movie.  Even though he was the stereotypical comic relief, the clear highlight of the move was the sidekick Jose.  He had all the best lines and was the best thing the movie had going.  Of course for a movie like this this you aren’t going to get too caught up with the relationship development or the military response to a crisis of this magnitude, but they could have tried just a little harder.

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03
Jul
15

Leprechaun: Origins

LeprechaunOrigins_Poster

Viewing Date: 7/2/2015

Starring: Dylan “Hornswaggle” Postl

Plot: Two young couples backpacking through Ireland discover that one of Ireland’s most famous legends is a terrifying reality. (IMDB)

Rules

  • Leprechauns steal gold
  • Say “Leprechaun”
  • Creature vision (house rule, but needs to be observed)

Quotes

“Maybe they’ve earned their freedom, Da.”

“F#ck you, lucky charms!”

Viewer Quotes

“He was pretty spineless anyway!”

“She had a real ax to grind with her friend!”  “Mike, no.”

What We Learned

  • Leprechauns growl like tigers
  • Leprechauns see in infra-red / heat signatures
  • Barakka from Mortal Kombat is, in fact, a leprechaun

Final Take

Horrible.  Horrible.  Horrible.

This movie had nothing to do with the original Leprechaun movies- it wasn’t fun in any way, it was just was a generic movie about a feral creature that somehow required human sacrifices.  Avoid at all costs.