Archive for March, 2022

31
Mar
22

The Neon Dead (2017)

Viewing Date: Mar 31, 2022

Starring: Marie Barker, Greg Garrison, D. Dylan Schettina

Plot: An unemployed recent college grad hires two freelance paranormal exterminators to combat a monster infestation in her new home.

Rules

  • Zombies
  • Green Slime
  • Form / Trident is shown or used
  • ‘Squelching’ (in closed caption)

Quotes

  • “That’s a Jawa. I’ve seen them before”.

What We Learned

  • BONES = Brotherhood of Necromancers and Evil Sorcerers
  • Salt kills zombies

Final Take

Is this a short review? Yes, because this movie was highly forgettable. There were some cool stop action motion battles and unique effects with the neon zombies / aliens / whatever they are. This is basically just another low budget zombie movie at a rave. Pass.

11
Mar
22

The Beastmaster

Date Watched: 3/10/2022

Starring: Marc Singer, with Head Animal Trainer Boone Narr

Plot: A sword-and-sorcery fantasy about a young man’s search for revenge. Armed with supernatural powers, the handsome hero and his animal allies wage war against marauding forces.

Rules

  • Talking to animals
  • Beast Vision
  • Using the night filter
  • “Dar”
  • “Juns”

Quotes

  • “Now we are dead!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “That’s just a tiger painted black!”
  • “Can the beastmaster talk with fish? What about insects? Where do you draw the line of a ‘beast’?”
  • “Is that supposed to be a city? Or is that supposed to be a model?”
  • “He just had to have a good cry.”

Things We Learned

  • Stealing kids is easiest if you move them unborn into a cow.
  • An eagle can pick up a child
  • Beastmasters are not kings of men, they are kings of beasts.

Final Take: This movie is pretty good, but it is probably about 40 minutes too long. It has 3 different points where you’ll feel like the movie is over, has wrapped up, but then it just keeps going each time. That said, it’s surprisingly well done in comparison to most movies like this, and you really have to appreciate the animal training involved. They needed the best and hired the best. Great work, Boone Narr.




March 2022
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