Archive for April, 2021

16
Apr
21

Guns

Guns (1990) - IMDb

Viewing Date: 4/15/21

Starring: Erik Estrada, Danny Trejo, Dona Speir, Bruce Penhall

Plot: Juan Degas is the Jack of Diamonds, a nefarious armsmonger who intends to smuggle a big quantity of a new state-of-the-art weapon into America through Hawaii. In order to do so, Degas desperately needs to come up with a clever scheme to get out of his way the Agents who threaten the success of his plans. With the intention to liquidate both L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, Degas’ assassins manage to engage them in a dangerous, fast-paced chase that will eventually lead them to Las Vegas, thousands of miles away. However, when Degas’ men abduct Donna’s mother, it will be his biggest mistake because, from that point on, things are about to get personal. Hungry for revenge, Donna armed with a devastating rocket launcher, she will have to go through stealthy ninja assassins and radio-controlled scale boats loaded with explosives to protect her family. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Gambling references
  • Hawaiian Landmarks
  • Cross Dressing
  • Different “moods” of music (requires subtitles on)
  • Remote control vehicles

Quotes

  • “Restaurant owner by day, secret agent by night”
  • “Baking bread to busting heads.”
  • “Don’t just do something. Stand there!”
  • “That mother is a bitch.” “That bitch is my mother.”
  • “That’s what’s known as a plan” (mansplaining)
  • “You know the type. Loose hips, wet lips.”
  • “Hiyah my ass!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “You’re going in a little aggressive dude.” “He’s the Jack of Diamonds.”

What We Learned

  • Getting busy on a motorcycle is a good time.
  • If you’re a secret agent, you need a side hustle– but note they can widely vary in level of responsibility (run a hotel on the Las Vegas strip or be a stripper)
  • Reflections in a mirror can be very confusing to tell which person is real- even if the person is standing right in the doorway (let’s not even consider the angles and mirrors required to create such an “illusion”).
  • Don’t play with guns, they aren’t much fun.
  • Bud light and a grenade is the best way to kill a magician.
  • Hit men are into cross-dressing

Final Take

Andy Sidaris movies have really become our go-to when we don’t have anything in mind and can’t quickly find something through Amazon Prime. You know exactly what you’re getting with a Sidaris movie, but for Bad Movie Thursday, that is a good thing: gratuitous nudity, a mind-numbingly stupid plot, remote control vehicles, decent entertaining action sequences with explosions, and bad (but quotable) dialogue. I can’t really say if this one was any better or worse than any of the other Sidaris movies (same basic plot, same actors, etc, but Guns does have the bonus of featuring Bad Movie Thursday Hall-of-Famer Danny Trejo, and Erik Estrada. But we had a good time, laughed quite a bit, and no one fell asleep (not even Marcella), so this one can be considered a winner.

01
Apr
21

Jiu Jitsu (2020)

Date watched: 4/1/21

Starring: Frank Grillo and Nic Cage (Partial Appearance)

Plot: Every six years, an ancient order of jiu-jitsu fighters joins forces to battle a vicious race of alien invaders. But when a celebrated war hero goes down in defeat, the fate of the planet and mankind hangs in the balance.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Seeing the Comet
  • Weird Subtitles
  • Fidget Spinners Attack
  • First Person Video Game Scenes
  • Stupid Cartoon Storyboard Transitions

Quotes:

  • “I like women with thick thighs.”
  • “Do you know those Jedi Knights that just took out my entire unit?”
  • “I got a license to kill you… No expiration date.”
  • “I know that the spaceman likes you.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • Regarding Nic Cage: “Is he supposed to be Asian?  Is he wearing a Sombrero?”
  • “Oh look, it’s the Ninja Turtles Temple.”

Things We Learned:

  • Nic Cage makes really good hats out of newspaper.
  • You can split one sword into two swords.
  • The movie Jiu Jitsu doesn’t have a lot of Jiu Jitsu in it.

Final Take:

There was a lot of potential here for something awesome.  Sadly, it fell short.  The movie is a never-ending barrage of fighting with little to no plot or dialogue.  It’s as if they shot a three-hour movie and then edited anything out that had to do with story or cohesion.  There are moments of cool things, but the sheer repetitiveness and ripped off Predator theme suck most of the fun out.  Nice Cage is also underused both in screen time and in the sheer lunacy for which we watch his films.




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