Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 1/20/2022

Starring: Only Chuck Norris

Plot: Two Chicago cops (Chuck Norris, Calvin Levels) investigate a murder until they encounter an ancient demon.

Rules

• Biblical References
• Chuck’s round house kicks (or kicks in general)
• “Prosatanos”
• “Shatter” (Advanced)
• Jackson talks about food

Quotes

• “Oh Shit! His heart’s gone!” – “No it’s not, it’s right there.”
• “Hey Frank, do you want to go back to Chicago and play good cop/bad cop with our pimps and hookers?”
• “Eat this!”

Viewer Quotes

• “Chuck Norris plays the role of ‘Consatanos’ in this one.”
• “He’d better roundhouse kick someone soon, I swear.”
• “What has Prosatanos been doing this past 40 years? Not building a massive army of followers and growing his power, just hanging out in Chicago sleeping with hookers.”

Things We Learned

• The devil (or demon spawn) is named Todd
• Throwing a heart at Chuck Norris is a great way to introduce yourself.
• Chuck Norris would steal money from his own partner.

Final Take: This movie started out really well, but faded quite a bit in the middle. There were almost no Chuck Norris round-house kicks through most of the movie, which seems like a real waste of talent. That said, it has a memorable villain and does tie it all up with a decent ending, but all in all it’s a fairly forgettable Norris affair.

Viewing Date: 1/6/22

Starring: Kip Nevin, Roz Kelly, Chris Wallace

Plot

New Year’s Eve is on it’s way and TV’s most famous punk-rock lady icon Diane Sullivan is holding a late hour countdown celebration of music and partying. All is going well until Diane receives a phone call from a odd sounding stranger announcing on live Television that when New Year’s strikes in each time zone, a ‘Naughty Girl’ will be murdered (punished), and the killer leaves a threat saying she will be the one to die last. The studio crew takes precautions and heighten security, but when the East Coast hits midnight, a hospital nurse is found brutally butchered. Who could be behind these murders? A crazed fan, a religious psychotic, or perhaps it’s someone much closer to Diane then the police (or audience) could have ever expected. (via IMDB, with corrections)

Rules

• A call into the radio station
• Punks acting disorderly
• Say “New Year’s Eve” or “New Year’s Evil”
• Switchblade or switchcomb
• A new genre of music is played

Quotes

• “I always come well equipped.” “I’ll bet you do…”
• “It was a real swinger.”
• “I can hear your heart beating. I don’t like that.”

What We Learned

• The best way to start your first shift on a new job is with a bottle of champagne
• Transandental Meditation gets rid of nervous diarrhea
• When a girl doesn’t have a date on New Year’s Eve, she’s in shit city.
• You can kill someone with a big bag of weed
• Police uniforms were highly adjustable in the 80’s

Final Take

It’s always a roll of the dice when attempting holiday-themed bad movies. No surprise, but the genre the most often attempts the holiday bad movies (Hallmark Channel Christmas movies aside), is horror.

New Year’s Evil might be considered an 80’s horror classic by some (not many though- it is 14% on rotten tomatoes). The twist at the end wasn’t that much of a twist, and we could see the son would come into play from the constant rejection by his mother, but the “killing at each time zone” was an interesting device and the disguises and effort by the killer / husband added to the enjoyment. Not a great movie, but over the top enough with terrible acting and absurd twists made it fun. Need to call out specifically the part of the movie where the killer disguised himself as a priest, and then careless instigates a chase / fight with a biker gang.