Archive for February, 2017

23
Feb
17

Druids aka The Gaul (2001)

Druids Picture

Date Watched: 2/23/17

Starring: Christopher “There can be only one” Lambert

Plot:

An entire nation’s destiny lies in the hands of one man.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Silly Hats
  • Stupid Place Names
  • Stupid Hair

Quotes:

  • “Now, kick me in the ass.”
  • “Your incomprehensible talking does not help me.”
  • “Between a boy and a girl, I should be something different.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Why is Christopher Lambert still playing a young man?  Maybe at 50 that time is over.”
  • “I miss the days that you can throw food at someone without repercussion.”
  • “This movie feels like a fever dream.”
  • “Is that character’s name vas deferens?”
  • “I think this is like a 4 hour script and they picked scenes out at random to film.”
  • “We could just turn this movie off right now and my life would be better for it.”

Things We Learned:

  • Christopher Lambert can grow a mustache at any time and in any scene.
  • Graham only falls asleep during one movie = Druids.

Final Take:

This movie is a slog to get through.  I have no idea what this movie was about.  Halfway through the movie I started googling information to find out when Twins 2: Triplets would be released.  This nonsensical gibberish is not worth it.  Stay away.

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17
Feb
17

Class of Nuke ‘Em High

classofnukeemhigh

Date Watched: 2/16/2017

Starring: Garbage

Plot: The pupils at a high school next to a nuclear power plant start acting and looking strange after buying contaminated drugs from a plant worker.

Rules

  • “Troma”
  • Seeing Nuclear Waste
  • Anything that’s “Too 80’s”
  • “Cretin”

Quotes

  • “I don’t give a wet fart what you think.”
  • “That’s one way to evacuate the school.”
  • “I suggest you make like a hockey stick and get the fuck out of here.”
  • “It may just be my woman’s intuition, but something’s going on!”
  • “Does this mean we’re not going to the Fellini festival?”
  • “God Bless America, limp dick”
  • “Nobody does this to Taroo!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Who’s this movie about?  Who’s the star?”
  • “What!?  Was that supposed to be his boner?”

Things We Learned

  • Touching nuclear waste turns you into a crazed lunatic murderer.
  • When you watch MTV, you turn into a cretin.

 

03
Feb
17

The Babadook

the-babadook-poster

Viewing Date: 2/22017

Starring: Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Hayley McElhinney

Plot: Amelia, who lost her husband in a car crash on the way to give birth to Samuel, their only child, struggles to cope with her fate as a single mom. Samuel’s constant fear of monsters and violent reaction to overcome the fear doesn’t help her cause either, which makes her friends become distant. When things can not get any worse, they read a strange book in their house about the ‘Babadook’ monster that hides in the dark areas of their house. Even Amelia seems to feel the effect of Babadook and desperately tries in vain to destroy the book. The nightmarish experiences the two encounter form the rest of the story.

Rules

  • Someone says “Babadook”
  • Samuel acts like a brat
  • Use of vibrators
  • Samuel fires a weapon
  • Dream sequence
  • The Babadook Book appears

Quotes

“I’m really tired from the drugs Mum gave me.”

“I’m sorry Mummy I’m just really hungry.”  “If you’re so hungry why don’t you go EAT SHIT!”

“My cousin’s not coming because I broke her nose in two places.”

Viewer Quotes

“Nice trick, but can he make the dog come back to life?”

What We Learned

  • Being haunted by an evil spirit is only marginally worse that having a bratty 6 year old.
  • All an evil spirit is really looking for is a bowl of worms each day.
  • You can make an evil spirit go away by yelling at it.
  • The small dog always gets it in horror movies (we already knew this, honestly)

Final Take

The Babadook had some nice suspense and did well with the “less is more” approach early on, but the third act really fell flat and it was as if the filmmakers weren’t sure how to resolve the conflict with the evil spirit (which was never explained  other than a book appeared that led to a haunting-somehow connected to the accident that killed the father).  Not terrible, but it could have been much better with a resolution that felt even a little satisfying.