Archive for May, 2014

16
May
14

Bounty Killer

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Starring: Lady Terminator

Date Watched: 5/25/2014

Plot

Bounty killers in a post-apocalyptic wasteland kill corporate fat cats and they may even get paid for it, but maybe they just do it for fun.  Also, PBR is a national treasure!

Rules

  • Saying “Bounty Killer” (House rule, but make sure you keep it in mind.  It pays off in spades)
  • “Mary Death”
  • “Drifter”
  • Eagle screech/rattlesnake noise
  • “The council”
  • Gary Busey says something awesome.
  • PBR
  • “Funny Bunny” (Finger Bunny, whichever)

Quotes

  • “I can’t have you following me, finger bunny”
  • “Fuck, gypsies?  We’re dead!”
  • “I’m so fat.  They’re going to love me, I’m so marbled!”
  • “Drifter is so full of prizes.” <slurred>
  • “I hope he don’t go blind and his pecker don’t fall off.”
  • “Button your lip, short dick”
  • “Oh, that taste like boobies.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “This is like a video game.  All style and no substance.”
  • “This is a lot like Barb Wire!”  –  “That’s true.  It’s a good companion piece.”  –  “Acting’s better, though”
  • “There’s nothing prettier than a girl with a half-painted skull on her face.”
  • “What the hell is a finger bunny?”
  • “He’s controlling the motorcycles like horses.”
  • “You’d better stop and axe somebody!”
  • “This movie needs more Gary Busey…said no one ever.”
  • “Maybe funny bunny makes more sense than finger bunny.”
  • “That looked really stupid, but I’ll allow it.”

What We Learned

  • In the future they only have old classic cars.
  • Gypsies are drunken cannibals with immaculate clown faces
  • A lethal axe can be made out of a stop sign.
  • PBR is like liquid gold after the apocalypse.
  • PBR tastes like boobies.
  • When you exit the badlands you go over a jump.
  • Nothing says I love you like getting stabbed in the spleen.
  • Fuel and ammunition are not a concern after the apocalypse.
  • White collar criminals have jetpacks.

Final Take

This was a surprisingly entertaining movie, almost a diamond in the rough.  Actually, diamond is a bit much.  More like a shiny rock in the rough.  It tried to be kind of artistic, almost feeling a bit like Sin City at times, but for the most part it was just ridiculous gun fights and explosions, with a little T & A thrown in for good measure.  There was even some decent comedy sprinkled around.  This movie was pretty much picked at random so getting some memorable entertainment out of it was a nice surprise.  Give it a watch.

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02
May
14

Barb Wire

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Viewing Date: 05/01/2014

Starring: Pamela Anderson Lee, a bunch of 90’s actors that we recognize, but don’t know their names, Clint Howard

Plot:

21st century. USA. The second civil war. The whole country is in a state of emergency. What was formerly called the American Congress now rules with fascistic methods. There is only one free city left, Steel Harbor, headquarter for the resistance. This is the hometown of Barb Wire, owner of the night club Hammerhead. As times aren’t good, Barb has a second job. She’s a bounty hunter and you probably wouldn’t want her after you. Barb’s credo is to never take sides for anybody and that’s the only way to survive these days. As her former lover Axel Hood appears asking for a favor, Barb suddenly finds herself to be key player on high political stage. Now she has to take sides…  (from IMDB)

Rules:

  • Bad voiceovers
  • Gratuitous boob shots
  • “Steel Harbor”
  • “Barb Wire”, “Wire” “Barb”
  • Sleazy saxophone or guitar riffs
  • Barb changes outfits or hairstyles

Quotes:

“Did you wash your hands?”  “No, I was bad.”

“That was nice kickin’.  You really know your stuff, babe.”

“Drink when you want to remember, not when you want to forget.”

“How utterly goddamn heroic.”

“I picked them up on the boulevard.” “I like a good manage every now and then.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Is that a hair change?”  “I’ll count it.”

“There’s nothing too inspiring about this movie.”

“It’s interesting to think that Boba Fett had sex with Barb Wire.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal- Big Fatso.”

 

What We Learned:

  • Big Fatso is head of the underworld in the post apocalyptic future
  • In the future they use whistles a lot
  • In 2017 there is waterproof leather
  • The exchange rate heavily favors the Canadian dollar in 2017
  • Living in the only free city doesn’t mean a lot since the Congressional Republic seems to be able to do whatever they want there.
  • Graham is quite the photographer
  • Wheelies make you more effective in combat
  • Corsets, leather and fishnets are standard dress in the future if you want people to take you seriously.

 

Final Take:

This movie shows up on a lot of “worst ever” lists for good reason.  Not memorable, terrible acting and paper thin plot.  Not even that much fun to watch, but at least it wasn’t completely boring.