Archive for May, 2018

25
May
18

Freaks of Nature

FreaksOfNature

Date Watched: 05/24/2018

Starring: Keegan Michael Key, Denis Leary, Patton Oswalt, Bob Odenkirk

Plot: In the town of Dillford, humans, vampires and zombies were all living in peace – until the alien apocalypse arrived. Now three teenagers – one human, one vampire, and one zombie – have to team up to figure out how to get rid of the visitors.

Rules

  • Riblets
  • Zombie/Vampire tropes
  • “Dillford”
  • “Brains”
  • Alien Spaceship

Quotes

  • “Not everything in your life is under your control.  Sometimes you vink at them and they don’t vink back.”
  • “Come on, man, for the love of shit!”
  • “I would love to chain all of them to their lockers, in a manner that would make sure they would not escape.  Then just roll sticks of dynamite, like old fashioned dynamite, down the hall and blow up the school.  And then I’d spare a couple of faculty, not this mother-fucker… I should fucking eat you!”
  • “Call me swiss cheese ’cause I’m holy”
  • “I know you’re thinking about killing yourself, and I don’t blame you.  Just wait to see if you get better.  If you don’t get better, go for it.”
  • “Leading cause of puff tongue.”
  • “Insurance is for suckers.”
  • “Thank you for being so understanding, but in this case, you’re not understanding correctly.”
  • “He just put some intestines back, and took different intestines.  What the fuck does it matter?”
  • “The Dillford Shitter…It’s him!”
  • “We have to have family yoga on Saturdays.  A lot of families do that.”
  • “FYI, my dick’s bigger than yours.”
  • “I thought you shit yourself at your piano recital.”  –  “It was a bag week.”
  • “Why does he think he has the brains?  He doesn’t even seem to have any language skills.”
  • “Give him the high cheese, Daggy!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “This is a vastly different movie from the first half”

Things We Learned

  • Kids don’t go in the teachers’ lounge.
  • Zombies get smarter when deprived of brains.
  • Ned has a huge hog.
  • Vampires can put protect themselves with sunscreen.
  • Aliens can’t see you if you’re naked.
  • Organic cotton is no different from skin.
  • Zombies disguise themselves as doctors.

Final Take: This movie was not bad.  The beginning was great, the middle was pretty boring, but the end did a good job of taking it home.  Worth a watch.

Advertisements
10
May
18

Vengeance: A Love Story (2017)

Vengeance

Date Watched: 5/10/18

Plot: A gulf war veteran seeks vengeance against those who assaulted a single mother.  (From IMDB)

Starring: Nic Cage, Don Johnson

Rules:
-Gorgeous ladies all over Nic Cage
-Nic Cage throwing or beating people up
-Every time Don Johnson is silver tongued
-Nic Cage at the falls

Quotes:

“His cousin’s a plumber, always buying his wife that expensive jewelry and sh%t.”
From the priest, “A gang rape in the city park, that’s bad for business.”
“Raising two kids is the same as raising one, that’s why a woman’s got two t&ts.”

Viewer Quotes:
“Enough of this. Nic Cage needs to start killing people.”
“Is there going to be like 5 min of Nic Cage exacting justice?”

Things we Learned:
15 people can drink 5 kegs.
At 54, Nic Cage is still holding out for a daughter.

Final Take:

This should have been much better.  It had all of the ingredients for success, including of course a fired up Nic Cage, and Don Johnson as a slimy antihero.  The movie squandered all of that promise by limiting the Nic Cage rage time and amping up  the unnecessarily graphic rape scene.  Also, the entire town and judicial system turning against this poor mom was a big turnoff.  There are other much better Cage movies out there that are more deserving of your time.