Archive for the 'Well known actors slumming it' Category

01
Dec
22

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cowboys, God Awful, Historical Fiction, SciFi Channel, Spin-off or sequel, Time Travel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 12/1/22

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A Fox, Dude from 30 Rock

Plot: Fin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to stop the first Sharknado and save humanity. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “time”
  • Callbacks to previous Sharknado movies that we don’t remember
  • Say “Sharknado”
  • Dee Snider quotes one of his songs or other cameos that the character makes a reference to themselves
  • Talking about needing speed

Quotes:

  • “Welcome to prehistoric times.”
  • “I’ve actually been eaten and pooped out by a lot of dinosaurs.”
  • “First time ever on a pterodactyl?”
  • “These are the same drawings that are at Stonehenge.”
  • Dee Snider: “I think I know who’s twisted Mister.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that the guy from 30 Rock?”
  • “This movie is… something else.”
  • “OMG that is Deana Troy.”
  • “C’mon, you’re better than this Neil deGrasse Tyson.”
  • “If I could get a chainsaw sword for Christmas, I would be pretty delighted.”

Things We Learned:

  • You can only go back in time once.
  • One of the consequences of travelling in time is changing sexes and then not remembering.
  • 20,000 years in the future all people are Tara Reid

Final Take:

Well, if you’ve made it through five other Sharknado movies, then you kind of know what you’re getting into with number six. I can’t say that this one is better or worse than the others, because I have little to no memory of them. They all provide a decent BMT experience, and they all are immediately forgettable. I think we’re kind of glad to be done with this series. Wait, what’s that you say? Ian Ziering and the makers of Sharknado created another movie called “Zombie Tidal Wave”? Darn, I guess we kind of have to see that at some point. 🙂

16
Dec
21

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)

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Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cyborgs, In Space, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 12/16/21

Starring: Molly Ringwald, Peter Strauss, Michael Ironside, Ernie Hudson

Plot: On a distant planet inhabited by mutants, two bounty-hunters race to rescue three Earth female captives from the clutches of an evil mutant warlord. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Bad special effects
  • Says “Chalmers”
  • Say “Overdog”
  • Wolff uses his gun

Quotes:

  • “Make it eat dirt, Chalmers.”
  • “Hey wait! I know where to buy clean skav women.”
  • “I never said I wouldn’t eat dog.  I just said I wouldn’t eat it much.”
  • “Good breeding man.  I’ll bet breeding with him would kill him.  I’ll take that bet.”
  • “What do those skrotbags want?”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Wow! It’s got Ernie Hudson.  And Michael Ironside!”
  • “Is her hair wet or just grossly slicked back?”
  • “This reminds me of shower night at our house.”
  • “Are these singing little people?”

Things we learned:

  • Hang gliders are the best way to kidnap women.
  • The best way to deal with customs is to kill them.

Final Take:

This movie scared me as a child. Now… not so much. It flies by, and there really isn’t a lot to it. It certainly fits the bill as a terrible Star Wars knockoff. Cheesy and harmless, it’s worth a look.

04
Nov
21

Thrashin’ (1986)

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Categories: Racing, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 11/4/21

Starring: Thanos aka Josh Brolin

Plot:

Two skateboarding gangs battle each other for supremacy, and a member of one gang falls in love with the sister of his rival. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Skater tricks
  • Skater lingo
  • Product Placement

Quotes:

  • “Rad”
  • “Gnarly”
  • “That’s Hungarian for fast car”
  • “I hope you don’t get laid!”
  • Q: “What do you guys do?”… A: “Thrash”
  • “That wild Indian picture happens to be stylin'”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “There are no shits given with this movie.”
  • “That rattail is disgusting!”
  • “I played this level on Tony Hawk.”

Things We Learned:

  • The Red Hot Chili Peppers started out playing random 80’s skateboarding clubs.
  • The best way to fuck up a skateboarder in a downhill competition is to throw jacks into their path and no one will notice.
  • Geez aka Mr. Cliff invented skateboarding.
  • The best way to come to a job interview is with your shirt open.

Final Take:

This movie was actually really enjoyable and way better than I thought it would be. It was entertaining from start to finish and did a great job highlighting the absurdity of the 80’s. I’d highly recommend it if you’re looking for a cheesy 80’s movie.

16
Sep
21

Warrior Queen (1987)

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Categories: Amazon women, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Historical Fiction, Nudity, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 9/16/21

Starring: Donald Pleasance

Plot: In ancient Pompeii, slaves are bought and sold for household chores and sex. A mysterious queen moves among the elite, while secretly helping the slaves to escape.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Say “Pompeii”
  • Stupid long white fans (aka a Flabellum or Flabella for plural)
  • Volcanoes
  • Strange competitions

Quotes:

  • “Give me Money!”
  • “Have some pig, pig.”
  • “Veneria, you’ve become a pathetic old whore.”
  • “That’s my disgusting wife.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • After a guy gets his eyes poked out, “Bet he didn’t see that coming.”
  • “Gladiator totally ripped this off.”
  • “Veneria, is that like a venereal disease (in regards to the character’s name)?”

Things We Learned:

  • Men can keep their underwear on when they get hanged upside down but women cannot.
  • Romans did backwards arm wrestling with a poison spike.

Final Take:

This movie is a bit hard to rate.  On the one hand, it’s an absolute cinematic car crash worth seeing for its absolute ineptitude on every level.  We had no idea what was going on for most of the movie.  There was a Warrior Queen?  Really?  There were also several odd competitions like we were watching an early Roman addition of Survivor.  And, everything culminates into a virtual medley of stock footage volcanoes erupting.  The real problem with this movie (in terms of making it watchable as a BMT movie) is that it’s so mean spirited.  It’s not really fun, and I would highly recommend watching something like Deathstalker 2 instead that’s somewhat similar to this.

29
Jul
21

Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Rules, Spin-off or sequel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 7/29/21

Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Dave Bautista, Xiaoming Huang (really the star of the movie), 50 cent (no vitamin water seen in the movie), kid from Desperate Housewives,  Amos from the Expanse

Plot: Years after he fought his way out of an inescapable prison, Ray Breslin has organized a new top-notch security force. But when one of his team members goes missing, Breslin must return to the hell he once escaped from. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Algorithm”
  • Say “1764”
  • Product placement
  • Say “All prisoners return to your spoke”

Quotes:

  • “I need you to kick my ass.”
  • “Turns out the doctor is a lamp stand.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This movie feels a lot like Major League Soccer.  The league’s in China and we send them all of our aging stars out for one last paycheck.”
  • “Sly looks like he’s wearing a wax mask…  Or a Reagan mask.”

Things We Learned:

  • There’s an algorithm you can use to deal with terrorist extractions… but never trust it.
  • The best way to share confidential information is on sticky notes.
  • The best way to build an inescapable prison is to have one that rotates.  But it doesn’t matter, as Sly will find a way out.

Final Take:

This was pretty silly and painless.  It’s certainly not a classic, but it went down easy.  (Much like Coors Light on a boat on the lake in the summer while listening to Michael McDonald.) 

01
Apr
21

Jiu Jitsu (2020)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Nic Cage, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 4/1/21

Starring: Frank Grillo and Nic Cage (Partial Appearance)

Plot: Every six years, an ancient order of jiu-jitsu fighters joins forces to battle a vicious race of alien invaders. But when a celebrated war hero goes down in defeat, the fate of the planet and mankind hangs in the balance.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Seeing the Comet
  • Weird Subtitles
  • Fidget Spinners Attack
  • First Person Video Game Scenes
  • Stupid Cartoon Storyboard Transitions

Quotes:

  • “I like women with thick thighs.”
  • “Do you know those Jedi Knights that just took out my entire unit?”
  • “I got a license to kill you… No expiration date.”
  • “I know that the spaceman likes you.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • Regarding Nic Cage: “Is he supposed to be Asian?  Is he wearing a Sombrero?”
  • “Oh look, it’s the Ninja Turtles Temple.”

Things We Learned:

  • Nic Cage makes really good hats out of newspaper.
  • You can split one sword into two swords.
  • The movie Jiu Jitsu doesn’t have a lot of Jiu Jitsu in it.

Final Take:

There was a lot of potential here for something awesome.  Sadly, it fell short.  The movie is a never-ending barrage of fighting with little to no plot or dialogue.  It’s as if they shot a three-hour movie and then edited anything out that had to do with story or cohesion.  There are moments of cool things, but the sheer repetitiveness and ripped off Predator theme suck most of the fun out.  Nice Cage is also underused both in screen time and in the sheer lunacy for which we watch his films.

21
May
20

Recoil (2011)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Revenge, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Recoil

Date watched: 5/21/20

Starring: Steve Austin, Danny Trejo

Plot: A cop turns vigilante after his family is murdered, exacting vengeance on the killers – and then on all criminals who have slipped through the system.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • References to the state of WA
  • References to vigilante justice
  • Steve Austin shows his scars or cuts himself
  • Danny Trejo finds a new way to torture someone
  • Wrestling moves

Quotes:

  • “I’m not leaving until I kill something.”
  • “They just turned Dale Burrows into abstract art.”  (response to killing the guy.)
  • “Kill him.”  “Who?”  “Everyone!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “That’s what you get for not social distancing.”
  • “There’s no hope in Pierce County, WA.”
  • “Is he drinking cocaine juice?”

Things We Learned:

Danny Trejo is currently 76 years old.

Final Take: There’s not much to note on this one.  I think that we had a decent time watching it, but there’s almost nothing memorable about it, except that there were some references to the state of Washington.

13
Feb
20

Between Worlds (2018)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Hillbillies, Nic Cage, Nudity, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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between Worlds

Date watched: 2/13/20

Starring: Nic Cage, woman from “Run Lola Run”

Plot: Joe meets a mother who can contact spirits when suffocating. Her daughter is dying when Joe helps the mother spiritually contact the daughter and save her. Unfortunately, the spirit in the daughter’s body is now that of Joe’s dead wife. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Every time Nic Cage drinks.
  • People talk about leaving their body or leave their body.

Quotes:

  • “Just ring it up Ricardo!”
  • “Next time why don’t you wrestle a man gator”
  • Woman asks the question: “Do you have family?”  Nic Cage answer: “wife and daughter, you like? (holding up their picture)… oops, they’re dead!”
  • Nice Cage to woman: “I smell like three days on the road.”  Her response: “I like it.”
  • “A man without a truck isn’t a man.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Does Nic Cages hat actually say Turkey and the Wolf?”
  • What the daughter should ask the Mom when Nic Cage walks in with her, “who’s that scumbag with you?”

Things we learned:

  • Nic Cage’s favorite food is truck stop hot dogs.
  • Nic Cage wears a lot of stupid rings.

Final Take:  Not too shabby.  It was weird and well acted by everyone other than Nic Cage, although he certainly had his moments.  It was a decent addition to the Nic Cage library and worth checking out.

05
Dec
19

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Elite, God Awful, Rules, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Kirk Cameron Saving Christmas

Date Watched: 12/5/19

Starring: Kirk Cameron and “Friends”

Plot: His annual Christmas party faltering thanks to his cynical brother-in-law, former Growing Pains star Kirk Cameron attempts to save the day by showing him that Jesus Christ remains a crucial component of the over-commercialized holiday. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Cocoa” or drink hot cocoa
  • Dubious history lessons
  • Mentions of the Bible
  • Kirk Cameron dropping “knowledge” (But it looks like he’s dropping a deuce)

 

Quotes:

  • “The things about stories is that they are tricky.”
  • “Where’s HO HO HO in the Bible?”

 

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This was definitely filmed on an iPhone camera.”
  • “Christmas is about elf worship.”
  • “Kirk Cameron is not the person to be knocking the rock.”
  • “Oh no, this movie is only going to take place in a car.”
  • “Is that Branden Fraser?  I really want it to be Brendan Fraser.”

 

Things We Learned:

  • Ska is so low right now that its in the main title sequence for this movie.
  • Bill on the couch doesn’t need help.
  • Santa Claus aka St. Nick beat people up who didn’t agree with him.
  • Presents are representative of the city of Jerusalem.

 

Final Take: Wow, this is really one for the ages.  I’m not sure that we can recommend it, but it is something to behold.  The movie boils down to two dudes talking in a car.  One of them proposes fairly logical questions, and the other uses completely nonsensical gibberish as a rebuttal.  This being Kirk Cameron’s movie, the gibberish wins out.  This “movie” is super short and mixes in a few other random scenes to make it over an hour in length, including a never ending final dance sequence.  I think we need to do a college symposium to really flush out everything that is wrong or confounding with what’s going on in this film.

 

22
Aug
19

Rampage (2018)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Rules, Uncategorized and Well known actors slumming it
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Rampage

Date Watched: 8/22/19

Starring: The Rock, 80’s video game monsters, Negan as basically Negan

Plot: When three different animals become infected with a dangerous pathogen, a primatologist and a geneticist team up to stop them from destroying Chicago.  (from IMDB.com)

Rules: 

-Video game references
-Sign language w/ monkeys
-Say Crsper
-Dumb radio signal to lure the monsters

Quotes:

-“Is it me, or is he considerably bigger?”
-“I need that wolf… dead or alive”
-“What are you, some sort of International Man of Mystery?”
-“David, there’s something big in the river.”… “Well, that sucks.”

Viewer Quotes:

-“Has the Rock ever been in an actual good movie?”
-“Wow, this is really just a bunch of nonsense.”

Things We Learned:

-Monkeys can give people the finger and knock the Rock (pun intended).
-Ruthless CEO has Rampage video game in her office in a movie about Rampage video game.
-Doctors have access to helicopters.  (And damaged helicopters can “float” down buildings as they crumble.)
-Getting shot in the gut is no big deal if you’re The Rock.  (Just remember to occasionally wince.)
-Wolves can fly.

Final Take:

Not too shabby for a BMT Movie.  It certainly was silly, but it did a decent job of tone and being entertaining.  I’m not sure what else you could ask for in a movie about three cartoon monsters that scale a building.

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