Archive for the 'Gratuitous Violence' Category

15
Sep
22

Ninja 3: The Domination (1984)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Elite, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Ninjas, Revenge and Spin-off or sequel
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: 9/15/22

Starring: The old guy who sells Gremlins

Plot: An evil ninja attempts to avenge his death from beyond the grave, by possessing an innocent woman’s body. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Ninja weapons
  • Superhero Ninja Things
  • 80s callbacks to other movies
  • Floating swords
  • Christie dancing

Quotes:

  • “You got this to kill a cop with or something?”
  • “I don’t have any coffee in my apartment, but I have some v8 juice.  Would you like to take me home?”
  • “I am a ninja!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I remember my mom did jazzercise at the rec center.”
  • “There’s nothing sexy about v8.”
  • “She’s going to call 187 demon ninja.”
  • “He’s so hairy.  He looks like Gollum.  He should take his sweater off.”

Things we learned:

  • Ninjas can crush golf balls and pool balls with their hands.
  • Ninjas can dig holes like a gopher.
  • Only a ninja can destroy a ninja.

Final Take:

Wow, there’s a lot to take in, and I mean that as a compliment! This is a very odd, silly, stupid, ridiculous movie that is incredibly enjoyable to watch. I would highly recommend this piece as pure BMT “art”.

29
Oct
20

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Hillbillies, Murdered teenagers, Nudity, Revenge and Rules
Tags: , , ,

Date watched: 10/29/20

Starring: People who are in a lot of terrible movies.

Plot: A group of Christian teens visit the Happy Day Bible Camp, where in 1977 an earlier group of teens were punished for their sinful behavior by a sadistic nun. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • 70’s or 80’s references
  • References to sex
  • Closed Caption says “crickets chirping”
  • Character says “Sister Mary Chopper”

Quotes:

  • “We should probably go for guys that look like Jesus.”
  • “I’ll bet Sylvester Stallone has a big cannoli.”
  • “Back door’s always open for Jesus baby.”
  • “Bambi, you’re going to need to lick my rusty star fish.”
  • “Jesus, please take my sinful boner away!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • Question: “Whats going on?”  Response: “It’s 1977.”
  • “At bible camp they don’t really sing about licking nuts though.”
  • “That bush counts I think.”
  • “My grandmother called them Tallywackers.”
  • “Everybody just grab a loose weiner.”

Things we learned:

  • Kids at Bible Camp are actually in their 40’s.
  • Toothless inbreds don’t take kindly to out of towners.
  • Tad is rad.
  • Jesus is cool with wine coolers.

Final Take:

I personally was pretty fond of this movie, although I don’t know that the rest of the group liked it as much. It was funny and entertaining. According to IMDB, there is a sequel in the works, which I think would also make for a good BMT movie.

06
Jun
19

Solomon Kane (2009)

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Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Revenge and Uncategorized

Solomon Kane Pic

Date Watched: 6/6/19

Starring: Thee-Eyed Raven, Kobayashi, and dude from Altered Carbon

Plot:

A ruthless mercenary renounces violence after learning his soul is bound for hell. When a young girl is kidnapped and her family slain by a sorcerer’s murderous cult, he is forced to fight and seek his redemption slaying evil. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Every time he’s unstoppable or kills two bad guys at once
  • Say “Solomon Kane”
  • Shows his scarred back

Quotes:

  • “Silence you dogs”
  • “Killing came easily to me”
  • About not fighting anymore… “I may just have changed my mind about that.”
  • “I was born here.  I have no intention of going through the front gates.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “He didn’t know that with their black demon eyes these guys were possessed.  He must have thought it was a Vitamin C deficiency.”
  • “That’s a tough way to wake up from a hangover, being dragged through the mud to your own death.”

Things We Learned:

  • Weird underground tunnels full of demons have already lit torches.

Final Take:

Surprisingly watchable.  This movie comes up continuously in our Netflix searches, but we’ve never been down to watch it, as it looks like a terrible version of Van Helsing.  (Van Helsing is already terrible in itself.)  So, we gave it a shot, and we were pleasantly surprised.  This had decent effects and acting, and we’d give it a positive recommendation.

11
Apr
19

Dog Eat Dog (2016)

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Categories: Gratuitous Violence, Nic Cage, Uncategorized and Washed up actors
Tags: , , ,

Dog Eat Dog

Date Watched: 4/11/19

Starring: Willem Dafoe, Sir Nic Cage

Plot:

A crew of ex-cons are hired by a Cleveland mafioso to kidnap the baby of a rival mobster.  (From IMDB.com)

Rules:
Taking drugs
Any crimes or attempted crimes
Anytime they say “Dog”

Quotes:
“We’re never going to collaborate on making really cool original cupcakes ever again!”
“Have you ever been to Nice?” “No, what’s that?”

Viewer Quotes:
“There’s nothing I’d like to see less.” (In regards to seeing a adult performer grind on Nic Cage.)
“Who’s a better actor Nic Cage or Freddie Prinze Jr.?” “What about Cage vs Dolf Lundgren?” “Mario Van Peebles?”

Things We Learned:
Casinos make you have ice cubes in your scotch, to keep you from getting drunk too quickly.
Babynapping doesn’t sound too good.
You can be handcuffed and dragged behind a car and easily get away.

Final Take:
Weird film.  The opening scene with Willem Dafoe is particularly… interesting?  I don’t think that we can recommend this movie, but it’s got some things going for it.  It doesn’t quite get to full on Cage craziness.  They should have just gone for it.  Still, at least it wasn’t boring.

30
Aug
18

Hardcore Henry (2015)

By badmoviethursday 1 Comment
Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Revenge, Rules and Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Hardcore Henry

Viewing Date:  8/30/18

Starring:  Sharlto Copley, Tim Roth, and you (as Henry)

Plot:  Henry is resurrected from death with no memory, and he must save his wife from a telekinetic warlord with a plan to bio-engineer soldiers.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Every time they say “Henry”
  • Every time Henry falls down
  • Video game clichés
  • Screen glitches

Quotes:

  • “All you got to do is pull out his f&cking heart and eat it.”
  • “You’re half machine, half p&ssy.”
  • “Hi, I’m a f&ckin’ car baby.  Lexus convertible.”
  • “How sweet, if I took this moment and put it in a cup of tea, I wouldn’t need sugar.”
  • “Put the proto baby down.”
  • “As my father used to say, a grenade a day keeps the doctor away.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This is all a f&cking video game.”
  • “Is that Mathew McConaughey?”
  • “That’s the way I’d want to go out… in a dance fight.”

Things we learned:

  • Telekinetic bad guys like to masturbate using a baseball bat.
  • Sharlto Copley likes drugs.  A lot.  And he dies a lot too.

Final Take:

It’s not a perfect movie by any means, but it is truly weird enough to recommend.  The FPS (First Person Shooter) perspective can be off putting at times.  In general though, there’s always something going on, and the overall strangeness and Sharlto Copley going all in on his role really makes this a pretty solid BMT flick.

17
Aug
18

Another Wolf Cop

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Categories: Aliens, Cult Classic, Gory and Gratuitous Violence

Image result for another wolfcop

Viewing Date: 8/16/18

Staring: Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio, Kevin Smith (uncredited???)

Plot:  Alcoholic werewolf cop Lou Garou springs into action when an eccentric businessman with evil intentions seduces Woodhaven’s residents with a new brewery and hockey team in this outrageous horror-comedy sequel.

Rules:

  • Say “Wolf”, “Wolfcop”
  • Say “Chicken Milk”

Quotes:

  • “For fuck sake.  Someone stole our donuts.”
  • “I’ll be good to you.”
  • “Lou.  You’re a wolf…”  “Cop.”
  • “Watch your sassy mouth.”
  • “You wouldn’t happen to have a beer handy would you?”  “Thank God.”
  • “It’s time to die, you strange animal.”
  • “I’m glad you’re better man, but I still don’t approve of this shit.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “How much cocaine was done during the filming of this movie?”

What We Learned:

  • Wolfcop revels in other people’s suffering.
  • Moon rocks are like cocaine to werewolves…  Or maybe it was just real cocaine.
  • Don’t drink Chicken Milk Stout.
15
Jun
18

The Babysitter

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Categories: Cults, Gratuitous Violence and Murdered teenagers

Image result for the babysitter netflix

Viewing Date: 6/14/18

Plot: Cole (Judah Lewis) loves his babysitter (Samara Weaving) Bee. She’s hot, funny, and popular. One night, in a moment of defiance, Cole secretly stays up past his bedtime to discover she’s actually a cold-blooded killer who’s in league with the Devil. He now must spend his night evading Bee’s band of killers who will stop at nothing to prevent Cole from spilling their dark secret. It’s up to Cole to survive the night (and blow up a few people along the way).

Starring: Judah Lewis, Samara Weaving, directed by McG

Rules:

  • Cole gets scared
  • Remote control cars

Quotes:

  • “My dad let’s me drink Mike’s all the time.”  “That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.”
  • “Oh my God.  I got Sacrifice Samuel all over me.”
  • “Look at him.  He’s still cutting the rope.”
  • “What kind of dick shoots a girl in the boob?!”
  • “Did you just blow up Sonja?”  “No.”  “I’m not mad, just a little surprised.”
  • “What happened?!”  “I don’t need a babysitter anymore.”

What We Learned

  • If you still need a babysitter at 13, you probably deserve something to go horribly wrong.
  • Sacrifice Samuel should have known better.
  • Knowing police walkie-talkie codes will get rid of all police suspicion, even when a reported homicide is involved.
  • What we didn’t learn: Why did Max go shirtless practically the entire movie?
  • When all else fails, steal a car and drive it into a house.

Final Take

This was way better than it had any right to be- great Thursday night movie with the right mix of gore, absurdity, and humor.  I think McG has found his wheelhouse: horror-comedy with low expectations.

15
Dec
17

All Through the House (2015)

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Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence and Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Viewing Date: 12/14/17

Starring:  No One

Plot:  A deranged masked Santa-Slayer comes to town for some yuletide-terror. He leaves behind a bloody trail of mutilated bodies as he hunts his way to the front steps of the town’s most feared and notorious home.  (via IMDB)

Rules:

  • Typical Christmas kills (icicles, candy canes, etc.)
  • Cutaways of blood splashing
  • Dis”member”ing

Quotes:

“Close your eyes and open your mouth. I’ve got a big package ready for
delivery.”
“Hey, I was only like 5 fking years old when I was told that story.”
“She’s not really a people person.”
“Poor poor dear, you’re mother was a filthy whore.”

Viewer Quotes:

“She’s really weird looking.” “Which one?”
“I really should have all kinds of creepy life size Santas in my house. Kids
would love that.”
“You know what that means, it’s penis cutting time.”
“That’s one thing we can say about this movie, it’s all that and a bag of
dicks.”
“That’s the way I’d want to go… being sufficated by a dickless Santa with
mannequins waving at me.”

What We Learned:

  • Deranged Santas will kill you and your cat.
  • When you least expect it, you get a bag full of dicks.
  • There’s nothing worse than a dickless man.

Final Take:

It was ok.  The Christmas theme is really window dressing.  This “story” as it were could have taken place anytime.  There was a lot focus on penises for some reason.  There might have been some deeper meaning at play here, but honestly we didn’t care.  2 out of 5.

29
Dec
16

Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Gratuitous Violence, Murdered teenagers, Nudity, Rules and Uncategorized

Silent Night

Date Watched: 12/29/16

Starring: Santa as you’ve never seen him before

Plot:

After his parents are murdered, a tormented teenager goes on a murderous rampage dressed as Santa, due to his stay at an orphanage where he was abused by the Mother Superior.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Christmas”
  • Every time there’s a radio announcement
  • Terrible music
  • Characters looking off into the distance
  • Billy says “naughty” or “punishment”
  • Awesome 80’s toys

Quotes:

  • “What about you boy?  You been good all year?”
  • “It’s over.  Time to get sh$tfaced!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that a hairy ass that we’re looking at?”
  • “This is how all my office Christmas parties end.”
  • “The best place to party is the toy store on Christmas Eve.”
  • “Two ball in the corner pocket.”  (Said as guy lays baby sitter down on a pool table for love makin’.)

What We Learned:

  • Santa Claus doesn’t give coal.  He punishes the naughty.

Final Take:

Not bad.  This was a good holiday Thursday movie that got us in the Xmas spirit.  We’re curious to see how the other movies in this series turn out.

03
Nov
16

Stiches (2012)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Uncategorized

Stitches

Date Watched: 11/3/16

Plot: A clown comes back from the dead to haunt those who took his life during a fatal party mishap.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Clown honking
  • Clown hallucinations
  • Say “Stiches”

Quotes:

  • “Give me my dick back”
  • “If you saw a girl’s gash you’d probably put plaster on it.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “He’s going to be like super baked when this dead clown comes to kill everybody.”

Things We Learned:

  • A clown that doesn’t finish a party can never truly rest in peace
  • When a person becomes a clown they have to paint themselves on an egg
  • Every good party ends with a dead clown
  • A clown foam nose can be taken off and sniff out victims
  • Clowns kill cats by counting out each life as it ends
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