Archive for January, 2019

18
Jan
19

The Humanity Bureau

The Humanity Bureau Poster

Date Watched: 1/17/19

Starring: Nick Cage, Wolfcop (briefly)

Plot: A dystopian thriller set in the year 2030 that sees the world in a permanent state of economic recession and facing serious environmental problems as a result of global warming.

Rules

  • “Humanity”
  • Monologues to his phone/Playing with his phone
  • Anecdotes about the scarcity of resources.
  • Environmental lessons.

Quotes

  • “I’ve seen children drink their own piss.”
  • “Don’t be fooled by false smiles.  They will rape you… and the boy.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Is this a soylent green thing?”
  • “Could you take Nick Cage in a fight?”  –  “No, he’s got too much crazy.”

Things We Learned

  • Trump killed all the fish in the ocean
  • In the future, people use 6 screens.
  • Nick Cage likes to sit on a porch and hold dead birds.
  • Nick Cage is never what you might expect.
  • In the future, El Caminos will be controlled by an app.
  • There are no lakes anymore.
  • You will need a timeshare to swim in a pool, and wear a wetsuit.

Final Take: This was pretty slow at times.  Not all that great, but not terrible.  If you’ve seen any of Nick Cage’s recent Netflix offerings, it was his same character in a different setting.  You should know what you’re getting yourself into by now.

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04
Jan
19

Scorpion King: Book of Souls

Image result for scorpion king book of souls

Viewing Date: 1/3/19

Starring: Zach McGowan (he’s blowing up- also in Death Race: Beyond Anarchy!), Nathan Jones.

Rules

  • Glowing eyes
  • Scorpions
  • Say “Scorpion King”
  • Say “Fang of Anubis”
  • Say “Book of Souls”
  • Say “Quest”

Quotes

  • “I don’t quest.”
  • “I hate questing.”
  • “I’ll bet you wouldn’t sell her for 5 pigs and some pomegranate wine.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Where’s the rest of the Fantastic Four?”

What We Learned

  • The Scorpion King can submerge himself in ankle Deep Water.
  • A good “breeding” woman is worth a few pigs and some pomegranate wine.
  • The Scorpion King’s special powers are gained by getting stung by scorpions.
  • The Golem was a terrible character and idea.  We’re still not clear on why the creature made of stone was afraid of fire and “burned” to death in a medium-sized bonfire.



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