Archive for December, 2012

28
Dec
12

Jack Frost 2: The Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000)

jack frost 2

Date watched:

12/27/12

Summary: 

The Mutant Killer Snowman returns to kill more people during Christmas.

Starring:

No one

Rules:

Puns

Carrot stick rapings x2

Say “Jack Frost”

Random shots w/ snowmen in them (posters, miniature snowmen, etc)

People Die                      

Say “Captain Fun”

Quotes:

Q: “How did you stop the mutant killer snowman?” A: “With antifreeze.”

“Has the grump monster stolen your happy dust?”

“There’s something that needs a little Christmas stuffing.”

“Nice scarf, beautiful.”

“I guess not too many people believe in killer snowmen.”

“Captain Fun has a plan.”         

“Cowatunga Baby!”

“I now pronounce you, totally fuckin’ dead!”

 Viewer Quotes:                    

“Look the Village People are here.  Why are they all wearing these costumes?”

“Somehow that camera turned into a Polaroid.”

“Being hit in the face with a big wooden oar?  He’s probably fine.”

Worst viewer question ever:  “If she’s already wearing a swim suit, why does she need to take it all off to get in the pool?”

“That snowball knocked his arm off!?”

“Good thing they have a shit ton of these bananas.”

Things I learned:

You use charcoal for beach bonfires, and you can find more walking around the beach looking for it lying around.

A murderous frozen snowman can take any form – a carrot, water, an ice anvil, ice cycles, a snow globe, etc.

Humans and snowmen can cross DNA.

Snowmen give birth to snow balls that are inherently evil.

Bananas can kill snow creatures, but only if the person they cross DNA with are allergic to them.

 Snowmen can blow up heads when injested.

Final take:

This movie sucked, but in a good way.  If you are looking for a shitty holiday movie, then look no further.

20
Dec
12

Lethal Target

lethal target

Viewing Date: 12/13/2012

Starring:  CC Costigan (who?  Exactly.)

Plot:  This felt like (and probably is) a movie in regular rotation on late night Cinemax.  It had a nonsensical plot about a disgraced cop in an all-women’s prison on some planet colony who is recruited to infiltrate a ship that poses some sort of alien threat.  Is this the best course of action to save humanity from an alien invasion?  How does CC get transported to said ship?  Why is the captain of the ship infecting people with some alien virus through scratches?  Who cares.  There is a decent amount of T&A and blatant Alien rip-off moments thrown in.

Rules

  • CC (Nikki) rolls her eyes.
  • “Marshall”
  • Technology from the 90’s is used on the spaceship.l
  • “The Company”

Quotes

  • “I’m your fairy Godmother.” “Where’s your magic wand?”
  • “Great.  I’m a space slut.”
  • “Joe Biden is in the Marshall’s quarters.” (we may have heard this incorrectly)

Viewer Quotes

  • “Look.  He’s got a badge that says ‘penal’!”
  • “They wear Earth camouflage in space?”
  • “Did he say hymen distance?” (actual dialogue was “time and distance”)
  • “I think they are making an alien species where the men die when they blow their wad.”
  • “I can see some of this DNA is missing.  Right here.”

Things we learned

  • Alien STD’s are transmitted by scratching.
  • This movie was a rip off Alien.
  • The movie would have been much better if it took place entirely on the prison world.
  • Non-Monogamous Tantracism is a religion.
  • Early 90’s technology is in widespread use in space ships.

Final Take

An entertaining low budget Sci Fi movie with terrible creature effects, a pathetic plot and decent amount of nudity.  It delivered as advertised, although we would recommend not paying attention to the “plot”; it will make for a much better viewing experience.