Archive for February, 2022

17
Feb
22

Hell Comes to Frogtown

Viewing Date: Feb 17, 2022

Starring: Rowdy Roddy Piper, Julius LeFlore, Sandahl Bergman

Plot: After a worldwide nuclear war, where 68% of the male population was wiped out and virile men becoming a rarity, Sam Hell, a scavenger and a highly virile man, is assigned to help rescue a group of fertile women kidnapped by humanoid frogs (via IMDB).

Rules

  • “Frogtown”
  • References to sterility
  • Something happen to Hell’s junk
  • Spangle touches her earring
  • Sam Hell impregnates somebody

Quotes

  • “She’s never brushed her teeth.”
  • “There’s a flap.” “It monitors your physio-sexual condition.”
  • “Get in Stud!”
  • “You know, you’re one weird dude.” – one eyed frog man with chainsaw

What We Learned

  • High sperm count is due to eating a lot of fiber
  • Rowdy Roddy Piper needs to be romanced
  • Frog people’s currency is called ‘Lilies’.
  • Rowdy Roddy Piper can tame a feral woman with his virility
  • RRP is buried in Tigard, Oregon (RIP).

Final Take

How did we watch hundreds of terrible movies for 15+ years and not come across this absolute gem before now? We have gone through so many bad movie lists and have watched most of the top choices, but feel it is an absolute shame that this one wasn’t included on them.

This movie has so many elements of the perfect bad movie:

  • B list actor
  • Hilarious dialogue and plot
  • Nudity
  • Violence
  • Mutant frog people

Rowdy Roddy Piper gives a great performance as the only man with the virility to save the human race by impregnating as many women as possible- somehow most of the fertile women have been captured by an evil mutant frogman with 3 penises. If that doesn’t sell you, I don’t know what will. Bottom line, we thoroughly enjoyed this one. It is an instant Bad Movie Thursday classic.

17
Feb
22

New Year’s Evil (1980)

New Year's Evil (film) - Wikipedia

Viewing Date: 1/6/22

Starring: Kip Nevin, Roz Kelly, Chris Wallace

Plot

New Year’s Eve is on it’s way and TV’s most famous punk-rock lady icon Diane Sullivan is holding a late hour countdown celebration of music and partying. All is going well until Diane receives a phone call from a odd sounding stranger announcing on live Television that when New Year’s strikes in each time zone, a ‘Naughty Girl’ will be murdered (punished), and the killer leaves a threat saying she will be the one to die last. The studio crew takes precautions and heighten security, but when the East Coast hits midnight, a hospital nurse is found brutally butchered. Who could be behind these murders? A crazed fan, a religious psychotic, or perhaps it’s someone much closer to Diane then the police (or audience) could have ever expected. (via IMDB, with corrections)

Rules

  • A call into the radio station
  • Punks acting disorderly
  • Say “New Year’s Eve” or “New Year’s Evil”
  • Switchblade or switchcomb
  • A new genre of music is played

Quotes

  • “I always come well equipped.” “I’ll bet you do…”
  • “It was a real swinger.”
  • “I can hear your heart beating. I don’t like that.”

What We Learned

  • The best way to start your first shift on a new job is with a bottle of champagne
  • Transandental Meditation gets rid of nervous diarrhea
  • When a girl doesn’t have a date on New Year’s Eve, she’s in shit city.
  • You can kill someone with a big bag of weed
  • Police uniforms were highly adjustable in the 80’s

Final Take

It’s always a roll of the dice when attempting holiday-themed bad movies. No surprise, but the genre the most often attempts the holiday bad movies (Hallmark Channel Christmas movies aside), is horror.

New Year’s Evil might be considered an 80’s horror classic by some (not many though- it is 14% on rotten tomatoes). The twist at the end wasn’t that much of a twist, and we could see the son would come into play from the constant rejection by his mother, but the “killing at each time zone” was an interesting device and the disguises and effort by the killer / husband added to the enjoyment. Not a great movie, but over the top enough with terrible acting and absurd twists made it fun. Need to call out specifically the part of the movie where the killer disguised himself as a priest, and then careless instigates a chase / fight with a biker gang.

03
Feb
22

Yor:  The Hunter from the Future (1983)

Date watched: 2/3/22

Starring: Reb Brown (nominated for a Razzie for this role)

Plot: A warrior seeks his true origins in a seemingly prehistoric wasteland. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Theme song being played
  • Dinosaurs
  • Say “Yor”
  • Old man shoots his arrow
  • Rocks that look like penises

Quotes:

  • “Yor’s different than other guys.”
  • “DAMN talking box!”

Viewer Quotes:                                   

  • “Is he from the future even though he looks like He-Man?”
  • “Is that a Triceratops crossed with a Stegosaurus… a Tristegatops?”
  • “There’s no monogamy in cave man days.”
  • “They should reboot this franchise.”  “No!”

Things we learned:

  • The best way to kill a Tristegatops is with an axe.
  • It’s hard to hide a boner wearing a loin cloth.  Wait, we already knew that from years ago.
  • Bad guys in the olden days wore purple paint on their faces.
  • Yor is good at being captured.
  • A generous man does what his heart commands.

Final Take:

This movie really had it all. It’s hard to believe that the movie at the end was the same movie that we started with. For most of the run time, we had no idea where the “Hunter from the Future” tagline came from. Then all of the sudden the Darth Vader clones showed up. (Actually, they kind of look more like Dark Helmet.) According to IMDB, this was originally an Italian miniseries that ran 200 minutes and was split into four parts. Now, condensed into one 90 minute movie, it operates as somewhat of a weird fever dream. If it were rated “R” and just went all out with the gore and craziness it would be a lot better. As it stands, it’s just kind of weird and tame.




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