Archive for January, 2020

31
Jan
20

Surf II: The end of the trilogy

Surf II (1984)

Viewing Date: 1/30/20

Starring: Eric Stoltz, Eddie Deezen, Linda Kerridge, Terry Kiser, Lyle Waggoner

Plot:  Evil Nerd Menlo wants to get revenge on some surfers by selling a bad batch of soda called Buzz Cola which turns people into mutant zombies. Its up to Jocko, Chuck, Bob and their surfer buddies to save the day.

Rules:

  • Stock footage of surfing
  • “Bow bow”
  • “Tubes”
  • Side-by-side scenes
  • Gratuitous scenes- use your best judgement!

Quotes:

  • “He must be from LA.” “Bow Bow.” “You’d have to be crazy to drink that stuff our dads call cola.”
  • “Do you know how many brain surgeons, nuclear physicists, and Nobel laureates were surfers?  NONE.  We’re doing the world a favor.”
  • “Look, wenches!”  “Are you girls available for dating?”
  • “Those frogs must have kicked in.”
  • “Kids, if I need any shit out of you, I’ll squeeze your heads.”
  • “No human I know could eat like that…  and still surf.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “What kind of oil is that?”

What We Learned

  • You can make a convertible quickly if you have a chainsaw
  • Drinking cola and surfing is the American way.
  • Zombies are good surfers
  • Danny Elfman was in Oingo Boingo
03
Jan
20

Elves (1989)

elves

Starring: Dan Hagerty, Julie Austin, Elf Mcgregor

Date Watched: 1/2/20

Plot: A young woman discovers that she is the focus of an evil Nazi experiment involving selective breeding and summoned elves, an attempt to create a race of supermen. She and two of her friends are trapped in a department store with an elf, and only Dan Haggerty, as the renegade loose-cannon Santa Claus, can save them.

Rules

  • 80’s nostalgia (Star Wars sheets, Guns n Roses, etc)
  • References to “The Forest”
  • Dan Haggerty references being an ex-detective.
  • Advanced: Dan Haggerty smoking a cigarette.  Normal:  Dan Haggerty not smoking a cigarette.

Quotes

  • “I’m your fucking sister!”  –  “Yeah, but you’ve got fuckin’ big tits and I’m going to tell everyone I saw them.”
  • “It was like a little man… like a ninja, only like a gremlin.”
  • “Oral…Santa said oral.”
  • “What happened to the beautiful youth of the day?  Don’t you believe in anything?”
  • “If you could ignore their brutality, you would have to say they’re just a bunch of crackpots!”
  • “What’s wrong?  Are we going to be alright?”  –  “No, Willie.  Gramps is a Nazi.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “He’s brushing his teeth while smoking!”
  • “Is there a sign that says grenades for mom?”
  • “Isn’t this movie called Elves, plural?”

Things We Learned

  • If you go in the woods, you lose your savings account that you lawfully earned yourself.
  • How to get rid of a problem cat… drown it in the toilet in a pillow case.  Problem solved.
  • When there is no more room in hell, the elves will walk the earth.

Final Take: This was definitely an underrated holiday gem.  From the godawful elf prop to the completely flat Dan Haggerty acting, it was an over the top 80’s slasher flick that somehow incorporated Christmas, Nazis, and the antichrist.  The filmmaker’s vision was a bit too grand for their skill, sure, but you can sure appreciate the chutzpah.




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