Archive for February, 2013

05
Feb
13

The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)

the crow: wicked prayer

Date watched:  1/31/2013

Starring:  Tara Reid, Dennis Hopper, David Boreanaz, Edward Furlong, Tito Ortiz, Danny Trejo, Macy Gray

Where found:  Netflix Instant Queue

Plot:  Wicked Prayer follows Luc Crash, the charismatic gang leader of a ragtag band of Satanist bikers named after the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Luc murders Jimmy Cuervo (Furlong) and his girlfriend Lily as part of a ritual to become an immortal demon, but Luc finds that Jimmy has been transformed into the avenging spirit known at The Crow, intent on stopping Luc before he can become the Lord of the Flies.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

Crows or say “Crow”

Cars with pictures or names on them

Stupid title shots

Say “Raven”

Scorpions

Flashbacks

Dennis Hopper says “shorty” or “homey”

Quotes:                    

“Blue eyed injun and a cold hearted killer.  Just what the Dr. ordered.”

“Jimmy you’re beakin’ my heart, and hearts are made to be broken”.  (He then cuts out the guy’s heart.)

“That’s the freeza my momma used to lock me up in.”

“Pestilence go down to the bar and score us some more peyote.”

“Killing is easy, forgetting is hard.”

“It’s El Niño, get it right cracker jack.”

“Kiss it bitch.”

“How is it you’re a virgin?”  Answer:  “I guess I’m just old fashioned.”

“Kiss the bride mother fucker.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Whoa, he just spun kicked the toxic chemicals.”

“Sweet ride, it’s like the General Lee but way shittier.”

“Is Edward Furlong supposed to be the good guy?  Because I hate him.”

“Was that a flash forward or a flash back?”

“So far, so terrible.”

Things we learned:

You need to dance around the crow to wake it up.

According to the filmmakers Mexicans and Native Americans look exactly the same.

Anyone can direct a movie.

Edward Furlong is the biggest loser in the town, but he can bag the hottest girl.

You can sell scorpions for $1 a piece at the local town store.

Tara Reid is a terrible actress.  (Ok, ok.  We didn’t really just learn that.)

Final Take: 

I had no clue what was happening in this movie, and it really didn’t matter.  This movie did not take itself seriously, and I didn’t either.  I didn’t buy any of the performances.  Tara Reid and David Boreanaz can’t play villains any better than Edward Furlong can play a hero.  I found myself rooting against Eddie.  Sorry dude, you may still look 15, but this isn’t T2 and it’s not 1991.  (I will say that I loved Dennis Hopper.  His 15 minutes of screen time are far and away the best of the movie.  I wish this was a film just about him.)

The original Crow was good, but the sequels not so much.  I saw that they might be developing a Crow remake.  Oh joy.  I guess as long as there are crows flying around in the sky, shitty movies will continue to be resurrected from the dead.

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