Archive for July, 2012

20
Jul
12

Solarbabies

Image

Starring: Jason Patric (from Speed 2: Cruise Control), potentially Cory Haim, dude from Heroes.

Plot: Something about an orb that can tell the future.  It’s post-apocalyptic and there are kids with roller skates.

Rules:

  • Skating across a bridge
  • Torture scenes
  • Skate jumping
  • “Orb”
  • “Scorpion”
  • “Bodai”

Quotes:

  • “Get out you creature of filth.”
  • “The owl…is it yours?” – “As much as an owl is anyone’s.”
  • “We wait.  We follow.  We got them all.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Uh Oh.  Here comes the skaters.”
  • “Why do they all have lights on their skates?” – “It’s more futuristic that way!”
  • “The guy from Cool-Hand Luke!
  • “Oh my god.  This guy’s got a falcon.”
  • “A good way to stop skaters is to not pave everything.”
  • “So he was deaf?  How come he can speak so well?”
  • “Bodai is the golden rule.  Every other word.”
  • “There’s not paved paths wherever you go out in the wild!”
  • “Whoa! Is that the uncle from the Adams’ Family?”

Things that we learned

  • The post-apocalyptic future is covered in paved walkways.
  • In the future, dogs wear head lamps.
  • The best way to get away from future cops is to put yourself in a tire and roll away.
  • Slow, clumsy robots aren’t very effective.
  • Bodai doesn’t leave, he’s always there.  Jesus?
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13
Jul
12

GingerDead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

Summary: The gingerdead man travels back in time to 1976 and carries out an epic disco killing spree.

Viewing Date: 7/12/12

Rules:

70’s cliches (white suits, disco balls, drug use, etc.)

Silence of the Lambs references.

Baked goods puns

Men playing female characters (first scene only)

Miscellaneous scenes of roller skate bogeying.

Quotes:

“He said I can smell your muffin.”

“I think I’d like to peel off those satin pants and ball you in the back of my Trans Am.”

“Of all the shithead decades to get stranded in.”

“Some hose for the ho’s.”

“Don’t go, stay, we’ll burn that dress and pray together.”

“You’re one hot twat Babe.”

“There’s magic spinning from those wheels Cherry.”

“If I hadn’t spent all those drunken nights at the Indian Casino I’d be able to pay those back taxes.”

“It’s a homicidal confectionery treat.”

Watcher Quotes:

“Why is there a vat of hydrochloric acid at a roller skating rink?”

“What, did they open the Arc of the Covenant?”

“Do they call this guy Tux because he’s always wearing a tuxedo t-shirt?”

“If I was going to bring back people from time to help me I wouldn’t bring back Hitler and a bunch of serial killers.”

What I learned from this movie:

A crazy barrel jumping cross-dresser caused Pearl Harbor.

FDR was at Pearl Harbor.

GingerDead men have penises.

Time machines are made at hospitals for the criminally insane baked goods.

Hitler loves to Roller Boogie.