Archive for November, 2013

22
Nov
13

ThanksKilling 3

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Viewing Date: 11/21/2013

Starring: The Turkey Puppet

Plot

We have no idea.  It’s like a horrible fever dream.

Rules

  • Thanksgiving puns / cliches
  • Turkey says “stupid”
  • “Pluck”, “Plucking”
  • “Stuffing”
  • Techno-interludes

Quotes

“Ha, ha, ha.  Nice tits bitch.  In Space!”

“I know these types.  These bitches be in and out of prison their whole life.”

“It’s got a Gravy Train, a Yam Tram, a Maize Maze.  It’s amazing.”

“Its here guys.  My long pike came.”

“Who are these Canadians?”

“Always refrigerate your leftovers on Thanksgiving, so you can wake up on Black Friday to a delicious, cold snack.”

“Not only did the wolves get stuffing.  They got it with a side of WIFE AND CHILD!”

“The early worm gets the bird.”

“I sent that fowl packing with a gravy shot to the eye.”

“Look at that snood!”

“You’ve been sporting a fat moose apple for a while now.”

Viewer Quotes

“Oh my God.  That’s a boob.”

“Was this made by Americans or Eastern Europeans?”  “Eastern European.”

“Does that worm have a combover?  And a mustache???”

“This is just awful.  But it’s Thanksgiving…  It’s Thursday night.”  “Its barely even a movie.”

Things We Learned

  • There was no ThanksKilling 2
  • We weren’t on enough drugs (not sure there are enough in the world) to enjoy this movie
  • You can get people to fund ANYTHING on kickstarter
  • Disgusting grandmother puppets like to slob knobs
  • Robots can shoot vortexes out of their sphincters

Final Take

I’m sure it’s happened countless time throughout history: people stoned out of their minds have come up with  movie ideas that seemed like the most hilarious, fantastic thing ever conceived, but in actuality, it is just a patchwork of complete nonsense.  Most of the time, these ideas are forgotten minutes later- not this time.  The makers of ThanksKilling 3 actually followed through and made this movie.

15
Nov
13

John Dies At The End

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Date Watched: 11/14/13

Starring; John, Paul Giamatti

Plot: 

A new street drug that sends its users across time and dimensions has one drawback: some people return as no longer human. Can two college dropouts save humankind from this silent, otherworldly invasion?

Rules

  • Something transforms
  • “Marconi”
  • Time travel crap
  • Gets a call from John
  • “Soy Sauce”

Quotes

  • <Door handle turns into a penis> “That door cannot be opened!”
  • “You’ve got my attention, Mr. Wong.”
  • “My hat smells like lubricant!  Camel…Holocaust.” <song>
  • “My uncle lost his foot in his riding mower, says he could still feel it.  What’s that called?  Fantasy leg situation, something like that?”
  • “You’ve obviously been blessed with supernatural gifts, and what better way to use them than to fish for free beer at high school parties?”
  • “Are you familiar with the saying I want to shoot you so bad my dick’s hard?”
  • “When you hear a song on the radio, where is the song?”
  • “Are we going to the mall, or coming back from it?” –  “Going to” –  “That’s right, cause Fred’s still alive.” –  “What?!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “He’s got a turkey head!”  “This is pretty awesome!”
  • “If a mustache is a drink, this is the most ridiculous drink ever!”

What We Learned

  • People with supernatural powers use them to fish for free beer at high school parties.
  • Hell creatures can only be seen out of the corner of your eye or when you’re drunk or stoned.

Final Take

Weird.  Pretty damn weird.  But I really liked it.  It was enjoyable from beginning to end.  The main characters did a good job and were pretty likable.  Don’t expect a lot of it to make sense, and don’t expect to like it enough to watch it again until it does.  I may watch it again some time, though.  That is rarely the case, and that says a lot.