Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: Dec 11, 2014

Plot: A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished, iconic sites – and only Fin and April can save the Big Apple.

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Kelly Osborne, Mark McGrath, Vivica A. Fox, Andy Dick, Kari Wuhrer

Rules

• Sharknado
• D-List celebrities getting killed.
• “209”
• “Shark”
• A shark eats someones limb / head
• “Finn”

Quotes

• “You should be eating fresh, you know.” – Jared Fogel
• “Take my hand, I’m going to save you.”
• “Frogger.”
• “You know what you just did, didn’t you?”  “Don’t say it.”  “Jumped the shark.”
• “Even the sharknados are tougher in New York.”
• “…shark falling rates of two inches per hour…”
• “Let’s go show them what it means to be a hero.  Let’s go show them what it means to be a New Yorker.  Let’s go kill some sharks!!”
• “Not going to need this again.” (as he tosses aside her previously eaten / severed arm)

Viewer Quotes

• “Tara Reid has old person neck!”
• “They’ve run on ‘a-head’ of the Statue of Liberty tumbling head.”
• “He knows exactly what’s going on.”  “He’s a surfer, after all.”
• “I wish there was more Andy Dick in this movie.”

What We Learned

• Giant crocodiles live in the NY Subways (well, we know that from urban legends).
• Sharknado 2 was brought to you by Coors Light and Subway
• D-Listers come out in droves for Sharnado.”
• Sharks can stay alive airborne in a sharknado for days at a time, and they don’t digest arms / guns that they

Date Watched: 12/4/14

Starring: Famke, Renner, and Gemma.

Plot

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

Rules

• “Hansel” or “Gretel”
• See new Witch (advanced)
• Gun slung over shoulder
• “Blood Moon”

Quotes

• “There’s no use in praying, my friend.  Even your God knows better than to come here.”
• “Then again, we hunt witches for a living.  What’s normal?”
• “The only good witch is a dead witch.”
• “The last time I was in water like this, I was after a formidable serpent witch.  She could breath under water, which make her difficult to track, but she also looked like a toad.”
• “The house of Adriana, your whore of a mother.”
• “Whatever you do, don’t eat the fucking candy.”

Viewer Quotes

• “They’re playing quidditch.  And one of them’s after the snatch!”
• Troll gets white fungus out of waterfall – “A little lubricant?”
• “Drink one for the midget witch with no legs.”
• “Ninja siamese witches – that’s the worst kind!”
• “He just smacked her ugly.”

What We Learned

• Witches magic doesn’t work on Hansel or Gretel
• Witches give people diabetes
• Witches are susceptible to medieval tazers.
• Witches are easier to kill when they’re in groups of 100.
• There are midget legless witches and siamese ninja witches

Final Take

Could have been worse.  It exceeded the expectations.  The gratuitous violence definitely made the movie.  That and the siamese ninja witches and midget with no legs. That’s movie gold.