Posts Tagged ‘Bad creature effects

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

18
Jan
24

Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend (2012)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies, God Awful, Hillbillies, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 1/18/24

Starring: Bigfoot

Plot:

A tabloid reporter makes a shocking cryptozoological discovery while investigating a recent rash of Bigfoot sightings in this comedy featuring beer, bikinis, and the wildest party animal you’ve ever met.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Drinking booze
  • Footprints
  • Say Bigfoot or sasquatch
  • Mention loins

Quotes:

  • In response to what the hick is going to do when he captures bigfoot = “I’m going to take the missus out and get some egg rolls and spaghetti.”
  • “Personally, I think I’m going to bed, and I think all of that is a bunch of crap.”
  • “That guy’s nuttier than a ton of squirrel poop.”
  • “If you have to shave a hundred monkeys and then glue their fur to a homeless dude to get the picture… then do it!”
  • “You feel like playing sunbather and panty thief?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I keep waiting for bigfoots wild weekend.”
  • “There’s been very little bigfoot and very little wild weekend.”
  • “What’s the wrong end of the urinal?”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to go camping is straight from running on the track without changing or getting camping stuff.
  • The best way to lure bigfoot is to drink beer and take your top off… Or get toasty (aka high) and invite him in.

Final Take:

It starts off well enough, but then Bigfoot disappears for a long period of time. Other characters are introduced and then never seen again. It doesn’t do nearly enough with the premise. So, skippable.

19
May
22

Avalanche Sharks (2014)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Knock-Offs and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 5/19/22

Starring: No one we know.

Plot: Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Electrical disturbances
  • Shark fins/shark kills
  • Bikinis
  • Say “Skookum”
  • Montage scenes
  • Say “Mammoth”

Quotes:

  • “Is it weird that signs like that give me a hard on?”
  • “I never said he couldn’t lust after me.”
  • Q: “We can’t just sit around drink beer and have sex all the time.”  A: “Why not? I thought you liked beer.”
  • “I mean she was mauled to death.  There was nothing left to make a sloppy joe.”
  • “No Dale, I’m not crazy.  I’m a marine.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This movie is filmed like a promotional video for Mammoth.” 

Things we learned:

  • The best time to exercise is when you’re high.
  • The best way to settle a dispute over a girl is a sweet snowmobile race.

Final Take:

Woof.  This sounded really intriguing and over the top, but it failed terribly with the execution.  Bad CGI kills that aren’t particularly fun.  Random skiing stock footage scenes.  Billed as “the story of a bikini contest”, except there’s no bikini contest. 

03
Feb
22

Yor:  The Hunter from the Future (1983)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Foreign, God Awful, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/3/22

Starring: Reb Brown (nominated for a Razzie for this role)

Plot: A warrior seeks his true origins in a seemingly prehistoric wasteland. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Theme song being played
  • Dinosaurs
  • Say “Yor”
  • Old man shoots his arrow
  • Rocks that look like penises

Quotes:

  • “Yor’s different than other guys.”
  • “DAMN talking box!”

Viewer Quotes:                                   

  • “Is he from the future even though he looks like He-Man?”
  • “Is that a Triceratops crossed with a Stegosaurus… a Tristegatops?”
  • “There’s no monogamy in cave man days.”
  • “They should reboot this franchise.”  “No!”

Things we learned:

  • The best way to kill a Tristegatops is with an axe.
  • It’s hard to hide a boner wearing a loin cloth.  Wait, we already knew that from years ago.
  • Bad guys in the olden days wore purple paint on their faces.
  • Yor is good at being captured.
  • A generous man does what his heart commands.

Final Take:

This movie really had it all. It’s hard to believe that the movie at the end was the same movie that we started with. For most of the run time, we had no idea where the “Hunter from the Future” tagline came from. Then all of the sudden the Darth Vader clones showed up. (Actually, they kind of look more like Dark Helmet.) According to IMDB, this was originally an Italian miniseries that ran 200 minutes and was split into four parts. Now, condensed into one 90 minute movie, it operates as somewhat of a weird fever dream. If it were rated “R” and just went all out with the gore and craziness it would be a lot better. As it stands, it’s just kind of weird and tame.

16
Dec
21

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)

By badmoviethursday 1 Comment
Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cyborgs, In Space, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 12/16/21

Starring: Molly Ringwald, Peter Strauss, Michael Ironside, Ernie Hudson

Plot: On a distant planet inhabited by mutants, two bounty-hunters race to rescue three Earth female captives from the clutches of an evil mutant warlord. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Bad special effects
  • Says “Chalmers”
  • Say “Overdog”
  • Wolff uses his gun

Quotes:

  • “Make it eat dirt, Chalmers.”
  • “Hey wait! I know where to buy clean skav women.”
  • “I never said I wouldn’t eat dog.  I just said I wouldn’t eat it much.”
  • “Good breeding man.  I’ll bet breeding with him would kill him.  I’ll take that bet.”
  • “What do those skrotbags want?”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Wow! It’s got Ernie Hudson.  And Michael Ironside!”
  • “Is her hair wet or just grossly slicked back?”
  • “This reminds me of shower night at our house.”
  • “Are these singing little people?”

Things we learned:

  • Hang gliders are the best way to kidnap women.
  • The best way to deal with customs is to kill them.

Final Take:

This movie scared me as a child. Now… not so much. It flies by, and there really isn’t a lot to it. It certainly fits the bill as a terrible Star Wars knockoff. Cheesy and harmless, it’s worth a look.

01
Apr
21

Jiu Jitsu (2020)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Nic Cage, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , ,

Date watched: 4/1/21

Starring: Frank Grillo and Nic Cage (Partial Appearance)

Plot: Every six years, an ancient order of jiu-jitsu fighters joins forces to battle a vicious race of alien invaders. But when a celebrated war hero goes down in defeat, the fate of the planet and mankind hangs in the balance.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Seeing the Comet
  • Weird Subtitles
  • Fidget Spinners Attack
  • First Person Video Game Scenes
  • Stupid Cartoon Storyboard Transitions

Quotes:

  • “I like women with thick thighs.”
  • “Do you know those Jedi Knights that just took out my entire unit?”
  • “I got a license to kill you… No expiration date.”
  • “I know that the spaceman likes you.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • Regarding Nic Cage: “Is he supposed to be Asian?  Is he wearing a Sombrero?”
  • “Oh look, it’s the Ninja Turtles Temple.”

Things We Learned:

  • Nic Cage makes really good hats out of newspaper.
  • You can split one sword into two swords.
  • The movie Jiu Jitsu doesn’t have a lot of Jiu Jitsu in it.

Final Take:

There was a lot of potential here for something awesome.  Sadly, it fell short.  The movie is a never-ending barrage of fighting with little to no plot or dialogue.  It’s as if they shot a three-hour movie and then edited anything out that had to do with story or cohesion.  There are moments of cool things, but the sheer repetitiveness and ripped off Predator theme suck most of the fun out.  Nice Cage is also underused both in screen time and in the sheer lunacy for which we watch his films.

04
Feb
21

Dealthstalker 2 (1987)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Nudity, Postapocalyptic, Rules and Spin-off or sequel
Tags: , ,

Date watched: 2/4/21

Plot: Princess Evie of Jzafir is deposed by an evil sorcerer and his dangerous ally. Reena the Seer enlists the aid of the renowned hero Deathstalker to battle the forces of evil, including a clone of the princess, and win back her kingdom. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Pigman is on the screen.
  • Say “Deathstalker”.
  • Cartoon sound effects.
  • Character sees into the future or does magic.
  • Spit takes.

Quotes:

  • “Stalker, is that your sword, or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “The top half of you might think it’s the wrong time, but the bottom half of you knows it’s the right place.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Quite the outfits.  Looks like a kid’s birthday party.”
  • “Oh good, Pigman’s back.”
  • “How much cocaine was done while shooting this movie?”

Things We Learned:

  • The Prince of Thieves is really Dealthstalker not Robin Hood.
  • The best way to sneak up on someone from behind is to yell really loud.
  • You can stab someone in a faraway land through a bubbling witch’s brew.

Final Take:

This movie was a lot of stupid fun, and it seemed like the cast and crew had a great time making it. Both leads are surprisingly engaging for schlock like this. You might need to bring some Triscuits for cheese like this, but this was an awesome Bad Movie Thursday film.

15
Jul
16

Zoombies (2016)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, SciFi Channel, Uncategorized and Zombies
Tags: , , , , , ,

Zoombies Poster

Date Watched: 5/12/16

Plot: When a strange virus quickly spreads through a safari park and turns all the zoo animals undead, those left in the park must stop the creatures before they escape and zombify the whole city.  (From IMDB)

Starring: Terrible green screen animals

Rules:

Animal Zombies

Giraffes – Zombie Giraffes = drink two

Say “Eden”

Jump Scares

Drone shots of the park

Quotes:

“Let’s just say that I got drunk at the wrong bar with the wrong policeman.”

“You don’t look like the kind of girl that likes to get dirty.”

“I swear that gorilla was trying to mate with me.”

“Excuse me intern, this is my sanctuary, and I decide what’s good!”

Viewer Quotes:

“They have a tracker on every dinosaur in the park… I mean err, animal.”

“I wish that little girl would turn into a zombie.”

“Is he going to kill Clay Mathews?”

Things We Learned:

-Irritating little girls are worse than terrible monkey special effects or guys in phony gorilla suits.

-Zombie giraffes like to attack in pairs and draw and quarter their victims.

-Zombieism makes animals smarter, faster, and stronger.

-Guts make good eagle’s nests.

Final Take:

It was an OK rip-off of Jurassic World.  The zombie giraffes were great, but very limited in their screen time.  If they ever do a sequel, I hope that they make them the true stars that they are.

17
Apr
15

I, Frankenstein (2014)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies
Tags: , , , , ,

I, Frank

Viewing Date: 4/16/15

Plot: Frankenstein’s creature finds himself caught in an all-out, centuries old war between two immortal clans.  (From IMDB)

Starring:  Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, and Jai Courtney

Rules:

Say “Adam”

Every time you can tell the movie is ripping off other movies: i.e. Resident Evil, Underworld, Van Helsing, The Matrix, Blade, etc., etc., etc.

Speaking in demon voices or showing red demon eyes

Quotes:

-To Frankenstein’s Monster:  “We shall call you Adam.”

“I know of no other way.  I am not human… or demon… or gargoyle.”

“Now bring me Frankenstein’s Monster!”

“Descend in pain, demon.”

“I think your boss is a demon prince.”

“I’ve never had to thank a human for anything before.”

“You go talk to the Gargoyle Queen, I’ll meet you back here in an hour.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Watching Bill Nye just reminds me of Love Actually.”

“Who are supposed to be the good guys again?”

“There is a lot going on in the movie, but I don’t care about any of it.”

“Do you think he has a stitched together penis?”

“Demons are stupid looking.  I feel like I’m watching an episode of Grimm.”

Things we learned:

-Demons eyes glow red at night clubs.

-Frankenstein’s Monster prefers stupid looking walking sticks as his weapon of choice.

-There has been a century’s long war taking place between demons and gargoyles.

-Working for demon’s doesn’t pay very much, even if you’re an expert in electromagnetics, as evidenced by the complete sh$thole apartment that the main scientist lives in.

-The Gargoyle Queen has a sacred duty to destroy Frankenstein’s Monster.

-Reanimating corpses have a status bar that lights up on their chests to be able to tell their progress.

Final Take:

For a movie with a lot going on, not much is actually going on.  There was little to no character development.  Maybe there is a longer cut of the movie out there where the story is comprised of more than just cardboard cutouts?  (Not that I care or would want to watch it.)  It’s really just a cheap copy of other infinitely better (Matrix) or slightly better (Van Helsing) movies.  It’s fine for watching for free on Netflix, but god help those poor souls that actually paid money in the theaters to watch this dreck.

13
Feb
15

Mantera

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: God Awful
Tags: , , ,

Mantera

Date Watched: 2/12/2015

Starring: Absolutely nobody

Plot: A 16 year old boy somehow ends up with a motorcycle that grants him the power to transform into an anime suited superhero.  After a couple of days of training he becomes an unstoppable force.  Will he lose to the dark legion, or will he overcome all odds and win the day?  He wins.

Rules

  • “Mantera” (House rule, but a good reminder)
  • Bad videogame CGI action sequences
  • Closeups of somebody’s eye(s)
  • Changing into Mantera

Quotes

  • “Colonel, why am I being held here.  I am a scientist.  I demand to know.  Who are you people and why am I being held captive?”  <with awkward pauses>
  • “The origin of mantera is the dawn of civilization.”
  • “Would you be interested in working with us, hand in hand, for the betterment of mankind, and the safety of this earth.”  – “I wouldn’t miss it … for the world.”
  • “He’s probably having fun with that sexy lady.”
  • “They must have employed vega from the megazoid division.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “That guy looks like Ron Jeremy with really long hair.”
  • “This CGI is straight out of the late 90’s.”
  • “They’re all going to the factory to make Adidas shoes.”
  • “I want a ‘Jumping Kids 1951’ shirt!”
  • “Does anyone on this bus want to be in a movie?” <how the movie was cast>
  • “Is his name Ass Man?”
  • “Did they just go through a star gate?”
  • “Dr. Claw is at it again.”

What We Learned

  • Mantera actions happen in cartoon world
  • Russians are given accents when dubbed over in foreign films.  Indonesians are not.
  • Beating a kid up with a bat is considered bullying in other parts of the world.  It is not that big of a deal apparently.
  • Being a computer programmer makes you pretty good at operating a robotic exosuit.
  • It only takes a couple days and a passable montage to learn martial arts.

Final Take: This is a foreign movie with ridiculous dubbed dialog that makes no sense,  The plot was hard to follow, the CGI action was worse than most video games made in the past 10 years, and the dialog probably sounded better in its native tongue.  Despite (because of?) all of that, it was fun to watch.  I hope they make a sequel.

« Previous Entries
December 2025
M T W T F S S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  

Months

Blogroll

Recent Entries