Archive for the 'Nic Cage' Category

13
Feb
20

Between Worlds (2018)

between Worlds

Date watched: 2/13/20

Starring: Nic Cage, woman from “Run Lola Run”

Plot: Joe meets a mother who can contact spirits when suffocating. Her daughter is dying when Joe helps the mother spiritually contact the daughter and save her. Unfortunately, the spirit in the daughter’s body is now that of Joe’s dead wife. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Every time Nic Cage drinks.
  • People talk about leaving their body or leave their body.

Quotes:

  • “Just ring it up Ricardo!”
  • “Next time why don’t you wrestle a man gator”
  • Woman asks the question: “Do you have family?”  Nic Cage answer: “wife and daughter, you like? (holding up their picture)… oops, they’re dead!”
  • Nice Cage to woman: “I smell like three days on the road.”  Her response: “I like it.”
  • “A man without a truck isn’t a man.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Does Nic Cages hat actually say Turkey and the Wolf?”
  • What the daughter should ask the Mom when Nic Cage walks in with her, “who’s that scumbag with you?”

Things we learned:

  • Nic Cage’s favorite food is truck stop hot dogs.
  • Nic Cage wears a lot of stupid rings.

Final Take:  Not too shabby.  It was weird and well acted by everyone other than Nic Cage, although he certainly had his moments.  It was a decent addition to the Nic Cage library and worth checking out.

11
Apr
19

Dog Eat Dog (2016)

Dog Eat Dog

Date Watched: 4/11/19

Starring: Willem Dafoe, Sir Nic Cage

Plot:

A crew of ex-cons are hired by a Cleveland mafioso to kidnap the baby of a rival mobster.  (From IMDB.com)

Rules:
Taking drugs
Any crimes or attempted crimes
Anytime they say “Dog”

Quotes:
“We’re never going to collaborate on making really cool original cupcakes ever again!”
“Have you ever been to Nice?” “No, what’s that?”

Viewer Quotes:
“There’s nothing I’d like to see less.” (In regards to seeing a adult performer grind on Nic Cage.)
“Who’s a better actor Nic Cage or Freddie Prinze Jr.?” “What about Cage vs Dolf Lundgren?” “Mario Van Peebles?”

Things We Learned:
Casinos make you have ice cubes in your scotch, to keep you from getting drunk too quickly.
Babynapping doesn’t sound too good.
You can be handcuffed and dragged behind a car and easily get away.

Final Take:
Weird film.  The opening scene with Willem Dafoe is particularly… interesting?  I don’t think that we can recommend this movie, but it’s got some things going for it.  It doesn’t quite get to full on Cage craziness.  They should have just gone for it.  Still, at least it wasn’t boring.

10
May
18

Vengeance: A Love Story (2017)

Vengeance

Date Watched: 5/10/18

Plot: A gulf war veteran seeks vengeance against those who assaulted a single mother.  (From IMDB)

Starring: Nic Cage, Don Johnson

Rules:
-Gorgeous ladies all over Nic Cage
-Nic Cage throwing or beating people up
-Every time Don Johnson is silver tongued
-Nic Cage at the falls

Quotes:

“His cousin’s a plumber, always buying his wife that expensive jewelry and sh%t.”
From the priest, “A gang rape in the city park, that’s bad for business.”
“Raising two kids is the same as raising one, that’s why a woman’s got two t&ts.”

Viewer Quotes:
“Enough of this. Nic Cage needs to start killing people.”
“Is there going to be like 5 min of Nic Cage exacting justice?”

Things we Learned:
15 people can drink 5 kegs.
At 54, Nic Cage is still holding out for a daughter.

Final Take:

This should have been much better.  It had all of the ingredients for success, including of course a fired up Nic Cage, and Don Johnson as a slimy antihero.  The movie squandered all of that promise by limiting the Nic Cage rage time and amping up  the unnecessarily graphic rape scene.  Also, the entire town and judicial system turning against this poor mom was a big turnoff.  There are other much better Cage movies out there that are more deserving of your time.

19
Feb
16

Outcast (2014)

outcastViewing Date: 2/28/16

Starring: Nicolas Cage, Hayden Christensen

Plot: When the heir of the Imperial throne becomes the target of an assassination by his despised older brother, the young prince must flee the kingdom and seek protection. His only hope for survival is a reluctant war-weary crusader named Jacob, who must overcome his own personal demons and rally the assistance of a mythical outlaw known as The White Ghost. Together they must fight side by side in an epic battle to return the prince to his rightful place on the throne (via IMDB).

Rules

  • Nic cage forgets his English accent
  • Drunk / drug vision
  • When Hayden learns that opium is not the answer and throws his stash away.
  • “White Ghost”
  • “Black Guards”

Quotes

“Black guards are as thick as flies on a farting ghosts ass here because of you!”

“(indecipherable mumbling), this is MY medicine!”

“I’m a simple man- easily bedazzled by swift-talking, young princes.”

Viewer Quotes

“The mitoclorians are strong with this one”

“All I want to know is where the hell is Nic Cage?”

“Does he need to pay the ghost?”

What We Learned

  • Nic Cage can’t do an English accent
  • Hayden Christensen still makes movies (but not very many)
29
Jan
16

Pay The Ghost (2015)

pay-the-ghost-2

Viewing Date: 1/28/16

Summary:  One year after his young son disappeared during a Halloween carnival, Mike Cole is haunted by eerie images and terrifying messages he can’t explain. Together with his estranged wife, he will stop at nothing to unravel the mystery and find their son – and, in doing so, he unearths a legend that refuses to remain buried in the past. Via RottenTomatoes

Starring: Nic Cage

Rules

  • The vulture
  • “Pay the Ghost” (standing house rule when title is spoken in movie)
  • Jump scares
  • Advanced Rule: “Charlie”

Quotes

  • “Pay the ghost.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “He should have to kidnap a kid to replace his son and ‘pay the ghost.'”

What We Learned

  • Never take your child to a festival on Halloween.

Final Take

29
May
15

Left Behind (2014)

Left Behind

Date Watched:  5/28/15

Starring:  Nic Cage, Lea Thompson, Chad Michael Murray, Jordan Sparks, Dude from Herman’s Head

Plot: A small group of survivors are left behind after millions of people suddenly vanish and the world is plunged into chaos and destruction.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Religious Preaching
  • Mentions of Jesus or the Bible

Quotes:

“If she’s going to run off with another man, why not Jesus?”

“I don’t know about passengers, but I do know this, there wasn’t anyone flying that plane.”

“What has happened to you?  You never talked like this before… about God.”

“Why should I listen to you?  You didn’t even listen to yourself!”

Viewer Quotes:

“Is that black person a midget too?”… “No, that’s just a little kid.”

“I used to have a crush on Lea Thompson circa “Back to the Future” and “Space Camp”.  Not anymore.”

“Have you ever seen “What Dreams May Come”?  Right now everyone is in a big crayon world.”

“This movie is awful, when is something going to happen?”

Things We Learned:

-People don’t take their clothes with them to Heaven.

-The first thing people do after the Rapture is to shoplift Starter jackets.

-Nic Cage is a sh$tty pilot.

-Some cell phones have a compass app that you can use to land a wayward airplane low on fuel.

Final Take:

This movie is a failure on all accounts.  It was fun to laugh at for part of it, but nothing really happens.  It was simply a bunch of people that I don’t care about trying to land a plane.  This is far and away the least interesting plane in peril movie I’ve ever seen.  Take “Red Eye”, “Flightplan”, even “Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal”, and you have more suspenseful action taking place.  The big reveal, an hour into the movie, is that the people disappeared due to the Rapture.  The movie is titled “Left Behind”, is based on a book, and is a re-make, so this is pretty f&ckin’ obvious to everyone but those sorry saps trapped in this movie.  Skip this movie, unless like us, you are a Nic Cage connoisseur.

17
Jan
13

The Wicker Man

wickerman

Viewing Date: 1/10/2013

Starring: Nic Cage

Plot:

Nic Cage stars as a detective / highway patrolman who receives a letter from his ex-fiancée asking for help in locating her missing daughter on some island in the Puget Sound.  Nic heads straight there to unravel the mystery, and discovers that he is dealing with a Matriarchal, bee-loving cult that performs human sacrifices.

Rules:

  • Nic Cage in a costume
  • Bees (real, CGI or a picture of a bee)
  • Nic Cage’s mind plays tricks on him
  • Someone or something gets hit by a truck
  • Say “Willow”
  • Say “Summer’s Isle”
  • Nic Cage punches or kicks someone
  • Nic Cage acts crazy (advanced rule, since this could describe him the entire movie)

Quotes:

“What do you have in the bag?  A shark?”

“Was Rowan depressed?  Have you seen what she’s drawn under her desk?  Its pretty disturbing.”

“Take your stupid mask.”

“Step away from the bike!”

Viewer Quotes:

“Why do they all have blue eyes?”  “Because…  The Wicker Man.”

“Do they have electricity?”  “I don’t think so.  They’re pretty Amish.”

“Freeway Patrol.”

“I think you dodged a bullet here, Nicolas Cage.”

What We Learned:

There are cults living on islands in the Puget Sound, and they are out of the reach of all law and government.

There are underwater pools under graveyards.

Everyone was in on it!  Shocking!

Final Take:

What a disappointment.  For a movie that ranks as one of the worst of all time, it was indeed that terrible, but not in a good way.  More in a more-plot-holes-than-you-can-count, nonsensical way (don’t try to make sense of the “twist” ending unless you want to give yourself a headache).  On the plus side, Nic Cage acts like a complete maniac the entire movie, has some absurd dialogue and really goes off the deep end at the finish (“Oh no!  Not the Bees!”).  For a movie that is supposed to be creepy, it wasn’t, other than the stereotypical creepy blonde kids- and had nothing in the way of scares either.   The movie benefited from some decent drinking rules, but we often lost interest in what was actually happening until the last 15 minutes or so, when things got extremely ridiculous.  Our advice, avoid The Wicker Man, but if you happen to catch the end of the movie, it is worth watching just for some of the craziest Nic Cage ever captured on film.




July 2020
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