Archive for the 'Nudity' Category


Mrs. Claus (2018)

Date watched: 12/17/20

Starring: Some 40 years as college students, an exotic dancer, and maybe some 20 year olds

Plot: A group of college students attending a Christmas party at a sorority house that has a sinister past are stalked by a bloodthirsty killer disguised as Mrs. Claus. (From IMDB)


  • Anything Greek related
  • Deaths
  • Christmas clichés


  • “You won’t be going home for Christmas.”
  • “I pray that this Christmas fills you with anguish.”
  • “Ho, ho, ho… hoes.”
  • “Are you really going to light up with officer snoopy tits snooping around?”
  • “How much lube do you put on your pussy bro?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is this the best they could do for sorority girls?”
  • “This frat party actually looks like my office party.”

Things we learned:

Dildos are not the best Christmas gifts for sorority girls.

Final Take:

In terms of the movie name and our expectations, we were catfished and regifted this hunk of coal. It really had nothing to do with Mrs. Claus, and the mask could have been anything. There were a few decent kill shots for the size of the budget.


Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012)

Date watched: 10/29/20

Starring: People who are in a lot of terrible movies.

Plot: A group of Christian teens visit the Happy Day Bible Camp, where in 1977 an earlier group of teens were punished for their sinful behavior by a sadistic nun. (From IMDB)


  • 70’s or 80’s references
  • References to sex
  • Closed Caption says “crickets chirping”
  • Character says “Sister Mary Chopper”


  • “We should probably go for guys that look like Jesus.”
  • “I’ll bet Sylvester Stallone has a big cannoli.”
  • “Back door’s always open for Jesus baby.”
  • “Bambi, you’re going to need to lick my rusty star fish.”
  • “Jesus, please take my sinful boner away!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • Question: “Whats going on?”  Response: “It’s 1977.”
  • “At bible camp they don’t really sing about licking nuts though.”
  • “That bush counts I think.”
  • “My grandmother called them Tallywackers.”
  • “Everybody just grab a loose weiner.”

Things we learned:

  • Kids at Bible Camp are actually in their 40’s.
  • Toothless inbreds don’t take kindly to out of towners.
  • Tad is rad.
  • Jesus is cool with wine coolers.

Final Take:

I personally was pretty fond of this movie, although I don’t know that the rest of the group liked it as much. It was funny and entertaining. According to IMDB, there is a sequel in the works, which I think would also make for a good BMT movie.


Between Worlds (2018)

between Worlds

Date watched: 2/13/20

Starring: Nic Cage, woman from “Run Lola Run”

Plot: Joe meets a mother who can contact spirits when suffocating. Her daughter is dying when Joe helps the mother spiritually contact the daughter and save her. Unfortunately, the spirit in the daughter’s body is now that of Joe’s dead wife. (From IMDB)


  • Every time Nic Cage drinks.
  • People talk about leaving their body or leave their body.


  • “Just ring it up Ricardo!”
  • “Next time why don’t you wrestle a man gator”
  • Woman asks the question: “Do you have family?”  Nic Cage answer: “wife and daughter, you like? (holding up their picture)… oops, they’re dead!”
  • Nice Cage to woman: “I smell like three days on the road.”  Her response: “I like it.”
  • “A man without a truck isn’t a man.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Does Nic Cages hat actually say Turkey and the Wolf?”
  • What the daughter should ask the Mom when Nic Cage walks in with her, “who’s that scumbag with you?”

Things we learned:

  • Nic Cage’s favorite food is truck stop hot dogs.
  • Nic Cage wears a lot of stupid rings.

Final Take:  Not too shabby.  It was weird and well acted by everyone other than Nic Cage, although he certainly had his moments.  It was a decent addition to the Nic Cage library and worth checking out.


Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)

Silent Night

Date Watched: 12/29/16

Starring: Santa as you’ve never seen him before


After his parents are murdered, a tormented teenager goes on a murderous rampage dressed as Santa, due to his stay at an orphanage where he was abused by the Mother Superior.  (From IMDB)


  • Say “Christmas”
  • Every time there’s a radio announcement
  • Terrible music
  • Characters looking off into the distance
  • Billy says “naughty” or “punishment”
  • Awesome 80’s toys


  • “What about you boy?  You been good all year?”
  • “It’s over.  Time to get sh$tfaced!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that a hairy ass that we’re looking at?”
  • “This is how all my office Christmas parties end.”
  • “The best place to party is the toy store on Christmas Eve.”
  • “Two ball in the corner pocket.”  (Said as guy lays baby sitter down on a pool table for love makin’.)

What We Learned:

  • Santa Claus doesn’t give coal.  He punishes the naughty.

Final Take:

Not bad.  This was a good holiday Thursday movie that got us in the Xmas spirit.  We’re curious to see how the other movies in this series turn out.


3 Headed Shark Attack (2015)


Plot: As a mutated, three-headed, great white shark eats its way from one end of the ship to the next, the passengers have to fight the deadly predator using anything they can find.

Starring: Danny Trejo, Rob Van Dam


  • Shark eating multiple rules at once.
  • “Garbage Patch”
  • Hot girls spewing scientific nonsense
  • External shots of the underwater facility
  • Creature vision swimming over the sand bar


“How are the new kids?”  “He’s talking about her boobs” (viewer quote)

“I know what’s going on.  It’s being drawn in by the pollution of the larger vessel.  It’s driving it insane.”

Viewer Quotes

“Where are the fishermen?  Taking  a siesta?”

“I can’t believe Dr. Boobs went out like that.”

“These are the worst group of scientists since Denise Richards in the James Bond movie.”

What We Learned

  • Somehow, when you’re confronted with a 3 headed shark, you’re safer on a 25 foot boat than on dry land (an island).
  • Eating aluminum cans will make a shark insane (especially a 3 headed one).
  • Plastic lawn chairs can turn deadly when your booze cruise is attacked by a 3 headed shark.
  • In the world of “3 Headed Shark”, boats cannot get within 100 feet of the shore, forcing you to “swim for it”
  • A mutant 3 headed shark will grow more heads if existing heads are removed.
  • Sharks can make boats explode



Killer Mermaid / Nymph (2014)


Viewing Date: 5/14/2015

Starring: Some foreigners

Plot: Two young American women go on a Mediterranean vacation and uncover the watery lair of a killer mermaid hidden beneath an abandoned military fortress. What was once a carefree adventure becomes a deadly fight for survival. (from IMDB)


  • The call of the mermaid (Hunger Games tune)
  • “Cool” music
  • Foreign actors trying too hard to act American
  • Kills by the Fisherman
  • “Mamula”


“I’ll bet he knows what you did last summer.”

“He’s a really funny guy.  I’ve known him since forever.”

Viewer Quotes 

“I’ll bet he knows what you did last summer.” (said moments before the actual line in the movie)

“He was really good time guy in college.”

“She looks a little bit like Daniel Day Lewis.”

“This is Daniel Day Lewis’s best role!”

“Do you think the mermaid’s siren song seduces lesbians?”

What We Learned

  • Mermaids have transformative powers and can change into hideous monsters
  • Smacking someone in the face breaks the mermaid’s trance
  • A mermaid’s scream can bring dead people back to life
  • Mermaid trance only affects men
  • The underground tunnel from the secret island does not, in fact, lead back to the mainland.  You still have to row back for some reason.
  • The movie did not have the budget to show the mermaid until 3/4 of the way through the movie.

Final Take

This movie had some decent laughs- mostly unintentional- and spent way too much time building up a love triangle for really no reason.  Most of the movie did not actually put the mermaid in the “killer” role, but rather it was her lover, who played the stereotypical, mute, plodding psychopath.  I guess he was killing people to feed his wife / lover (the mermaid), but a lot of the killing seemed to be just for the sake of killing…  Probably shouldn’t overthink a movie called “Killer Mermaid”.  The climax battle was pretty good, and the final shot of hundreds of mermaids embarking on the city made you wish that is what the movie had actually been about.  I guess we just have to hope for a sequel with more killer mermaids.


Barb Wire


Viewing Date: 05/01/2014

Starring: Pamela Anderson Lee, a bunch of 90’s actors that we recognize, but don’t know their names, Clint Howard


21st century. USA. The second civil war. The whole country is in a state of emergency. What was formerly called the American Congress now rules with fascistic methods. There is only one free city left, Steel Harbor, headquarter for the resistance. This is the hometown of Barb Wire, owner of the night club Hammerhead. As times aren’t good, Barb has a second job. She’s a bounty hunter and you probably wouldn’t want her after you. Barb’s credo is to never take sides for anybody and that’s the only way to survive these days. As her former lover Axel Hood appears asking for a favor, Barb suddenly finds herself to be key player on high political stage. Now she has to take sides…  (from IMDB)


  • Bad voiceovers
  • Gratuitous boob shots
  • “Steel Harbor”
  • “Barb Wire”, “Wire” “Barb”
  • Sleazy saxophone or guitar riffs
  • Barb changes outfits or hairstyles


“Did you wash your hands?”  “No, I was bad.”

“That was nice kickin’.  You really know your stuff, babe.”

“Drink when you want to remember, not when you want to forget.”

“How utterly goddamn heroic.”

“I picked them up on the boulevard.” “I like a good manage every now and then.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Is that a hair change?”  “I’ll count it.”

“There’s nothing too inspiring about this movie.”

“It’s interesting to think that Boba Fett had sex with Barb Wire.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal- Big Fatso.”


What We Learned:

  • Big Fatso is head of the underworld in the post apocalyptic future
  • In the future they use whistles a lot
  • In 2017 there is waterproof leather
  • The exchange rate heavily favors the Canadian dollar in 2017
  • Living in the only free city doesn’t mean a lot since the Congressional Republic seems to be able to do whatever they want there.
  • Graham is quite the photographer
  • Wheelies make you more effective in combat
  • Corsets, leather and fishnets are standard dress in the future if you want people to take you seriously.


Final Take:

This movie shows up on a lot of “worst ever” lists for good reason.  Not memorable, terrible acting and paper thin plot.  Not even that much fun to watch, but at least it wasn’t completely boring.


Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College


Viewing Date: Jan 2, 2014


A “Ghoulies” comic book is found in a frat house bathroom. The comic secretly holds powers over three lost Ghoulies that are imprisoned within its pages. They are soon released by Professor Ragnar who uses them in an attempt to stop ‘Prank Week’ where frats play tricks on each other for a tinfoil crown. Skip Carter and his frat house of party animals are destined to take back the crown but he is having problems with his girlfriend who is dating his arch rival, Jeremy. When Jeremy frames Skip, resulting in his expulsion, the Ghoulies are sent to kill Skip and any other frats that stand in their way.  (from IMDB)

Starring: Puppets, a guy that looks like James Spader and a girl that was on “All My Children” and Matthew Lillard.


  • Xylophone
  • “Prank” or pranks being committed
  • Bubbling toilets
  • Human hands with the puppets


“She’ll do anything for a buck!”  “I didn’t know it was a stag party.”  “She had too much elk-ahol.” (all about a topless girl with a taxidermy deer head stuck on her head).

“It smells like there’s something screwy going on!”

“What a foul-smelling bag of puke!”

“I think it’s time we nailed Skippy Carter!”

“I’m sporting half a chubby.”

“I haven’t pulled a yank in days.”

Viewer Quotes

“Oops!  I have a boner.”

Things We Learned

  • If a closet full of clothes falls on you, you emerge fully clothed.
  • College in the 80’s was AWESOME!
  • College girls wash all their panties together.
  • The best way to ruin a college girls’ wardrobe is to steal her panties.
  • Getting a plunger stuck to your face will kill you.
  • You cannot be powerful without evil.

Final Take

This movie was stealing a page from the classic T&A college movies of the 80’s- when everything revolved around absurd college parties and “pranks”.  Only difference was this movie has some terrible puppets thrown in for comedy relief.  There is no gore, and really no scares, the puppets are just a plot device for the hero to overcome to win back the girl’s trust.  I’m not complaining- it was plenty entertaining this way.


Ski School (1991)

ski school

Date: 9/5/13

Starring: Dean Cameron


Rival ski instructors at a prestigious mountain school compete to save their jobs. The infamous “Section Eight”, a popular group of skiing partiers are up against some rich stiffs whose only thought is beating their arch rivals in the annual spring pageant (From IMDB).


Ski jumping – sick air


Whistler references

Say “Montana”

Awesome guitar riffs

People saying things at the same time

Crack a beer

Say “Party”


“Level  8?  What is this lawn bowling?  Cmon’!!!.”

“This is not my film, my men are not homosexuals.”

“That Champaign, it looks expensive.”

“Way to make that homo stuff work for us.”

“Ed, it’s not how far you go, it’s how go you far.”

“I’ve lost far too many brain cells to understand that one.”

“Anybody got a problem with that?  …no? …. Then let’s get naked!”

Viewer Quotes:

“The guy from Montana is the dreamiest guy, just like in real life.”

“He really can’t tell that’s a dude?”

“She’s playing twister by herself?”

Things we learned:

It’s totally cool to use a grappling hook to take out fellow skiers on the course.

You can talk to people in their sleep and they’ll do whatever you say.

You can run a ski school, and you don’t even need to teach anybody anything.

If you are ever disqualified from a race, just bring a lot of beer and you’ll get back in.

The best skiers wear neon.

Final thoughts:

It was quite enjoyable.  Very nonsensical late 80’s/early 90’s movie, where it comes to down to some silly ski race to decide who takes the mountain, even though it really doesn’t matter at all.  The person who buys the mountain would have done so either way.  It was a perfect movie for 13 year olds – boobs, ski jumps, and partying.  I greatly look forward to the sequel.  Peyton Manning threw for 7 TD’s tonight, but I’d much rather watch this movie.


Executive Target (1997)

Executive Target

Date Watched: 8/8/13

Starring: Michael Madsen, Angie Everhart, Roy Scheider, Keith David


A stunt driver (Michael Madsen) heading for prison on a minor charge is freed against his will by a terrorist gang. Then by kidnapping his wife, he is forced to drive a getaway car in a plot to kidnap the President from a motorcade. (From IMDB)



-Airborne Cars

-Every time Angie Everhart says f%ck

-Car crash

-Michael Madsen adjusts his sunglasses

-Keith David wears a different sweater vest or says ass



“You’re Evil Knievil to us now muther  f%cker, now move!”

“What the hell is this… the Batcave.”

“Now do your job Mr. Stuntman and lose these assholes.”

“How can you do this… you’re an American.”

To a woman: “Now tell me that doesn’t  give you a hard on.”


Viewer Quotes:

“Michael Madsen is good.  He can walk around the streets of LA in a full orange prison jumpsuit and handcuffs and avoid detection.”

“He had the whole world in his hand being a Hollywood stunt driver.”

“I’m scared when Keith David asks me to play a game.  I hope it doesn’t involve ass-to-ass.”

“Just because he’s good at racing cars means he’s good at model cars.”

“I’m sure there’s nothing that a stunt driver likes more than an automatic transmission.”


What we learned:

Bad guys have partners just like cops that they have for years and care about.

Car crashes through camper tops are much cooler than normal.

The A-Team van is not only used by the A-Team, but also by washed up convict stuntmen for bank heists.

Angie Everhart stopped being hot sometime before 1997.

Top secret area “55” is somewhere in Los Angeles.

Evil bad guy generals can get off in situations where the movie just needs to end w/o a resolution.

Even in a make believe movie, Michael Madsen will get caught with an 18 year old girl and a bag full of blow.


Final Take:

There are some movies that are unforgettable like Star Wars or the Godfather, and there are some movies that you forget immediately after watching them like Captain America or Nottinghill, and then there are a few that you forget while actually watching them like Executive Target.  I think we were watching a movie about a bank heist?  And then there’s Roy Scheider  schlubbing as a do gooder President and an evil general?  Is this the same movie?  I think I missed something when I reached for another beer.

This movie sports an impressive budget and a number of explosions and flying cars, so I really can’t complain that much.  I just have no final take and no memory of even watching the movie.

March 2021