Archive for May, 2026

28
May
26

Zapped! (1982)

Viewing Date: May 28, 2026

Starring: Scot Baio, Willie Aames, Heather Thomas

Plot: Barney Springboro and Peyton Nichols are fun-loving high school students working on a science project with white mice. When one of the mice begins to move food toward itself with out touching it, Barney finds he has accidentally discovered a formula for telekinetic powers. Now, how much trouble can a high school kid who can move things with just his mind get into? (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Gary Cooter makes an appearance
  • Telekinesis / ‘Zapping’
  • References to Tee Winkle College or Emerson High School

Quotes

  • “My old lady won’t let me eat salami no more. Says it causes cancer.”
  • “Are you a junkie son?”
  • “Sounds like too many chili dogs, Dex. Have to learn to relax.” – Einstein

Viewer Quotes

  • “It’s totally normal to perform experiments with scuba-diving mice.
  • “This may be the moment where Scott Baio started on the path to MAGA.”
  • “What is that backwards Millennium Falcon, Enterprise spaceship?”
  • “Barney and Peyton are actually the villains in this movie.”

What We Learned

  • Women + Whiskey = Devil’s Double Whammy
  • Fraternities ran rigged gambling operations in the 80’s
  • High school students working on experiments involving drugs and mice are given their own lab space with zero administrative oversight or access
  • There were cheerleaders at baseball games in the 80’s
  • The first thing to do when telekinetic powers are acquired is to cheat at sports, and then cheat at gambling (in that order)
  • If you pound 12 beers then win a contest on an amusement park ride to not throw up, you immediately become sober
  • Telekinesis sometimes allow you to manipulate matter and pass objects through solid glass.

Final Take

This was about what you would expect from an early 80’s raunchy high school teen comedy, back when sexual assault was hilarious (and aren’t these all supposed to be high school aged teenagers?). Scott Baio is cast as a genius who is given free rein in his high school’s science lab to perform dangerous experiments on mice, and through bumbling carelessness, stumbles upon a formula to give a mouse (and himself) telekinetic powers. I’m still not sure why the mouse didn’t use the powers to escape from the lab and take revenge on Barney (Scott Baio)– that would have made for a better movie I think. After many mean-spirted and illegal pranks and schemes later, Barney and Peyton learn their lesson, but not really. The climax of the movie is a obvious nod to Carrie, but instead of murdering his fellow students, Barney just rips off the clothes of all the girls with his mind powers. The main characters are truly despicable throughout and you hope that they get some sort of comeuppance, but never do.

The highlights of this one was the pervy baseball coach (and janitor?) Dex and the various hallucinations that occur throughout.

This movie was worth a few laughs and had gratuitous nudity, but was otherwise forgettable.

01
May
26

American Ninja 2: The Confrontation

Viewing Date: 4/30/2026

Starring: Michael DudikoffSteve JamesLarry Poindexter

Plot: On a remote Caribbean island, Army Ranger Joe Armstrong investigates the disappearance of several marines, which leads him to The Lion, a super-criminal who has kidnapped a local scientist and mass-produced an army of mutant Ninja warriors.

Rules

  • 80’s signature brands/product placement
  • Absurd ninja skills (e.g. catching an arrow)
  • Short shorts
  • The Blind Beggar
  • Kicks to the face
  • “Armstrong”

Quotes

  • “Ninjas my ass!”
  • “And you, don’t get drunk and go puking on the pavement.”
  • “You want to be a big man you gotta learn how to eat, baby!”
  • “It’s that damn American Ninja. He fights like a tiger!”
  • “Catch that little weasel!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “These guys are as South African as you can possibly be.”
  • “Do the marines become the ninjas, or are they somehow involved in just creating the ninjas?”
  • “Their guns are so smoky.”

What We Learned

  • A cancer drug can also be used to create Super Ninjas.
  • Ninjas can throw arrows harder than they can be shot from a bow.

Final Take

Well, that was really hard to follow. There was a lot of ninja action but I never really understood why any of it was happening. It was enough to know that ninjas were attacking him for some reason at various points and he would of course have to kill them all. I can say with absolutely certainty that I will not remember this movie in the future. It was fine and enjoyable to laugh and drink to in the moment, but don’t expect much.




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