Posts Tagged ‘Cops

10
May
18

Vengeance: A Love Story (2017)

Vengeance

Date Watched: 5/10/18

Plot: A gulf war veteran seeks vengeance against those who assaulted a single mother.  (From IMDB)

Starring: Nic Cage, Don Johnson

Rules:
-Gorgeous ladies all over Nic Cage
-Nic Cage throwing or beating people up
-Every time Don Johnson is silver tongued
-Nic Cage at the falls

Quotes:

“His cousin’s a plumber, always buying his wife that expensive jewelry and sh%t.”
From the priest, “A gang rape in the city park, that’s bad for business.”
“Raising two kids is the same as raising one, that’s why a woman’s got two t&ts.”

Viewer Quotes:
“Enough of this. Nic Cage needs to start killing people.”
“Is there going to be like 5 min of Nic Cage exacting justice?”

Things we Learned:
15 people can drink 5 kegs.
At 54, Nic Cage is still holding out for a daughter.

Final Take:

This should have been much better.  It had all of the ingredients for success, including of course a fired up Nic Cage, and Don Johnson as a slimy antihero.  The movie squandered all of that promise by limiting the Nic Cage rage time and amping up  the unnecessarily graphic rape scene.  Also, the entire town and judicial system turning against this poor mom was a big turnoff.  There are other much better Cage movies out there that are more deserving of your time.

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01
Jun
17

Kindergarten Cop 2 (2016)

kindergarten cop 2

Date Watched: 6/1/2017

Starring: Dolph Lundgren and Bill Bellamy

Plot: Assigned to recover sensitive stolen data, a gruff FBI agent goes undercover as a kindergarten teacher, but the school’s liberal, politically correct environment is more than he bargained for. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “pineapple”
  • Seattle/Tacoma landmarks
  • Kids say supposedly funny things

Quotes:

  • “What is this… pineapple?” (spoken in a Russian accent)
  • “This machine owes me a goddamn Twix bar.”
  • “I’m incredibly magnanimous.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This is an awfully long set up for a movie that everyone knows exactly where it is going.”
  • “Of course the other kindergarten teacher looks like a pron star w/ glasses.”
  • “Is this supposed to be a comedy?”

Things We Learned:

  • The FBI headquarters looks exactly like a school.
  • The FBI works exactly like the local police precinct.
  • Dolph Lundgren stays in shape through line dancing.

Final Take:  It was ok.  It took way too long to get anywhere, and it had none of the charming crappiness or energy of the original.

03
Apr
15

WolfCop

WolfCop

Date Watched: 4/2/15

Starring: Leo Fafard

Plot: As a series of strange and violent events start happening, an alcoholic policeman realizes that he has been turned into a werewolf as part of a larger plan, so he investigates with the help of his partner and his friend.

Rules

  • Turning into a wolf
  • Wolf puns
  • Every time Lou drinks
  • Werewolf cliches (Full Moon, silver bullet, etc.)
  • Woodhaven breaking news clips

Quotes

  • “In the wake of this tragedy, the drink and shoot is going to have to be canceled.”
  • “Two dead men in a bathroom?  If not for the excess of severed flesh I’d say lover’s quarrel.”
  • “Street name: see you in a fuckin’ week.”  –  “Jesus, Willie, that’s enough to drop a hippo.”
  • “Lou, you’re a wolf!.”  –  “Cop.”
  • “Lou, don’t forget to murder somebody else on the way to the car.  Low profile.”
  • “I know what you’re thinking, and I approve.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “For a second I thought that was Cory Feldman.”  –  “That would have been sweet.”
  • “Can’t get more Canadian than that…chewing and spitting into a metal cup while walking your dog in the snow.”  –  “And going down to Tim Horton’s to get a donut before heading to the rink.”
  • “Wouldn’t his uniform be all torn up?”
  • “What kind of a weird, sick bitch would be into that?”

What We Learned

  • Werewolves pee blood as they transform, copiously.
  • Werewolves’ clothes get repaired the same as their bodies after transforming back.
  • Werewolves like bourbon and donuts and playing Go Fish.
  • Werewolves can have intimate sex scenes
  • Changelings are good at fighting.

Final Take: