Posts Tagged ‘Elite

05
Dec
19

Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (2014)

Kirk Cameron Saving Christmas

Date Watched: 12/5/19

Starring: Kirk Cameron and “Friends”

Plot: His annual Christmas party faltering thanks to his cynical brother-in-law, former Growing Pains star Kirk Cameron attempts to save the day by showing him that Jesus Christ remains a crucial component of the over-commercialized holiday. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Cocoa” or drink hot cocoa
  • Dubious history lessons
  • Mentions of the Bible
  • Kirk Cameron dropping “knowledge” (But it looks like he’s dropping a deuce)

 

Quotes:

  • “The things about stories is that they are tricky.”
  • “Where’s HO HO HO in the Bible?”

 

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This was definitely filmed on an iPhone camera.”
  • “Christmas is about elf worship.”
  • “Kirk Cameron is not the person to be knocking the rock.”
  • “Oh no, this movie is only going to take place in a car.”
  • “Is that Branden Fraser?  I really want it to be Brendan Fraser.”

 

Things We Learned:

  • Ska is so low right now that its in the main title sequence for this movie.
  • Bill on the couch doesn’t need help.
  • Santa Claus aka St. Nick beat people up who didn’t agree with him.
  • Presents are representative of the city of Jerusalem.

 

Final Take: Wow, this is really one for the ages.  I’m not sure that we can recommend it, but it is something to behold.  The movie boils down to two dudes talking in a car.  One of them proposes fairly logical questions, and the other uses completely nonsensical gibberish as a rebuttal.  This being Kirk Cameron’s movie, the gibberish wins out.  This “movie” is super short and mixes in a few other random scenes to make it over an hour in length, including a never ending final dance sequence.  I think we need to do a college symposium to really flush out everything that is wrong or confounding with what’s going on in this film.

 

23
May
12

Hobo With A Shotgun

Image

Starring

Rutger Hauer!!! (and a shotgun)

Plot

The name says it all.  A hobo uses a shotgun to rid the world of those filthier than himself.  One of the best and most quotable Thursday movies.  Don’t plan on being very productive the next day if you’re following the advanced rules.

Rules

  • “Hobo”
  • Cocking the shotgun
  • Hobo cliches
  • Hobo weapon upgrade
  • References to bears

Quotes

  • “Let it slide.” – “The only thing I’m going to let slide is my dick in your pussy!”
  • “How many people have you killed?” – “What am I, a mathematician?”
  • “I’m going to sleep in your bloody carcasses tonight.”
  • “When life gives you razor blades, you make a baseball bat out of razor blades.”
  • “She’s so hot, I’d eat the peanuts out of her shit!”
  • “Don’t shoot my dick off!  I got too much fucking left to do!”
  • “You can’t solve all the world’s problems with a shotgun.” – “It’s all I know.”
  • “Maybe you’ll end up like me, a hobo with a shotgun.”
  • “Get your hands off me, demons!  You’re crushing my smokes!”
  • “You and me are going on a car ride to hell.  You’re riding shotgun.”



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