Archive Page 3

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

25
Apr
24

Bad Channels (1992)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad CGI and Bad Movies

Viewing Date: Apr 25, 2024

Starring: Paul Hipp, Martha Quinn, Robert Factor, Blue Oyster Cult (?!)

Plot

An Alien (Cosmo) and his robot (Lump) land in a small town and promptly takes over the local radio station. The disk jockey, Dan O’ Dare, well known for his publicity stunts, becomes a hostage. The alien uses the radio station and Dan’s amused audience to target and subsequently shrink women for his collection, after the women picture themselves as starring in a music video. (via IMDB & wikipedia)

Rules

  • 66 or 666
  • Electrical anomolies
  • Alien Robot antics
  • Music videos (several done by Blue Oyster Cult, apparently)
  • Fungus related activities

Quotes

  • “This son of a bitch is crazier than a tree full of owls!”
  • (viewer quote) “Corky’s the best thing about this movie!”
  • (viewer quote) “We need to add ‘Touching Myself Again’ to the official Bad Movie Thursday Soundtrack.”

What We Learned

  • New radio stations regularly cause electrical problems & power surges
  • Disinfectant kills aliens
  • Nobody cares about Bunny.

Final Take

Nothing special, but had a few fun parts and kept moving the nonsense along. Highlights were the music videos and enjoyably terrible music, which was nice considering this was a nod to MTV culture of that era.

05
Apr
24

From Beyond

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Viewing Date: 04/04/24

Starring: Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton

Plot

A group of scientists have developed the Resonator, a machine which allows whoever is within range to see beyond normal perceptible reality. But when the experiment succeeds, they are immediately attacked by terrible life forms.

Rules

  • Practical Effects
  • Use of or mention of the “Resonator”
  • Crazy people doing crazy things
  • Signs of the devil
  • “Pineal” or pineal vision

Quotes

  • “It ate him. Bit off his head… like a gingerbread man.”
  • “How about the hard-on I got, is there a statistical correlation for that too?”
  • “Were we in the same nightmare. Did we all just get eaten by it?”

Viewer Quotes

  • “How long have you guys been sitting there watching me?”
  • “Maybe let’s smash the machine up now and never talk of it again.”
  • “I feel like I’m watching a Simpsons episode.”
  • “Do you guys like M & M’s?”
  • “Two guys in a weird wet bag.”

What We Learned

  • Fire extinguishers can destroy resonators and dismiss demons from other realms.
  • An enlarged pineal gland causes an unquenchable hunger for human brains.
  • Crime scene procedure is mainly just putting down a chalk outline and calling it a day.

Final Take

This was a memorable one. The gratuitous use of practical special effects was nice, but you have to strap in and prepare yourself for some gruesome and shocking crap. It was fun, though, and along the same lines of Evil Dead. If that’s your thing then you probably will get a kick out of this one.

21
Mar
24

Love At Stake (1987)

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Categories: Nudity, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , ,

Date watched: 3/21/24

Starring: Kelly Preston

Plot:

In this spoof inspired by the Salem witch trials the town’s mayor and the judge agree to sentence several innocent townspeople to death for witchcraft in order to confiscate their land for themselves. However, sexy real witches show up. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Groan worthy jokes
  • Slapstick jokes
  • Anachronisms
  • Call backs to other movies

Quotes:

  • “In the locker room all the men talk like that.”
  • “If you’ve figured out a way to get more stiffs into that church, we want to hear about it.”
  • “Pay now… pray later.”
  • “That’s what happens when cousins marry.”
  • “Adios pinheads!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Madam dong’s house of rubbers?”
  • “His wife is huge.”

Things We Learned:

  • Witches like to make penis cakes.
  • The best way to cook hot dogs is next to the fire where you’re burning witches at the stake.
  • The most American thing ever is clam chowder wrestling.
  • Thanksgiving was a great time to get high.

Final Take:

It was not bad and easy to watch. There were some good moments of goofy 80’s humor, but it wasn’t as ridiculously over the top as it could have been.

22
Feb
24

Quest for the Mighty Sword (1990)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies, Cyborgs, Revenge, Spin-off or sequel and Sword and Sorcery

Viewing Date: Feb 22, 2024

Starring: Eric Allan Kramer, Margaret Lenzey, Donald O’Brien

Plot: Once upon a time a god gave a mighty sword to the king of Aquiles to bring justice to his people. Now he wants it back – but the king rather gives his life than the sword. Goddess Dehamira, who spoke for him, is being taken all her privileges and banned in a circle of fire, until a human arrives who’s strong enough to free her. When prince Ator becomes 18, he gets the sword from the mean sorcerer gnome Grindl, to free Dehamira and his people. On his journey he has to fight against dragons and other fantastic figures. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Troll 2 Mask
  • Characters running!
  • Crow: “Caw!”
  • Birds
  • Face touching

Quotes

  • “Was he rubbing a balloon on his hair earlier?” (viewer)
  • “The first impression is the one that counts”

What We Learned

  • Thorn is king of the gods
  • Death and beauty are unsuitable companions
  • If you need to kill yourself, the reasonable thing to do is to hand your child off to an evil goblin magician to be raised.
  • Anyone can repair a broken sword in a minutes.

Final Take

Believe it or not, this is the fourth movie in the ‘Ator’ series of low budget, sword and sorcery movies from the 80’s. Yes, it was bad, but in a lot less fun way than Iron Warrior (not to mention a pretty loose connection overall with that movie). Apparently this movie’s primary claim to fame is the re-use of masks from the iconic bad movie “Troll 2”. There were some hilarious monsters and action, but overall pretty boring story of the 18-going-on-35 warrior ‘Ator’ questing around the country side with Dejanira and his thief friend, with the conclusion centered around an evil king and his sister who’s ultimate goals are to marry / seduce Dejanira and Ator. Maybe they should just get some of the magic roofies that the goblin used on Ator’s mother… I honestly don’t even remember where we landed with Thorn, the angry king of gods that wanted his sword back.

We’ve certainly seen a lot worse, but the director should have quit while he was ahead after Iron Warrior.

02
Feb
24

Iron Warrior

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Viewing Date: 2/1/2024

Starring: Miles O’Keeffe

Plot

Ator and his brother are separated as children by the evil witch Phaedra. 18 years later she takes over the kingdom with the help of a masked warrior. Ator and Princess Janna prepare for the final fight. 

Rules

  • “Trogar”
  • Mirrors
  • Fur balls
  • Quick cut magic/ editing mistakes
  • Indiana Jones references

Quotes

  • “Princess Janna: But what if they kill you? Ator: Then I’d be dead. But they won’t.

Viewer Quotes

  • “They should know that when you get on a rope bridge, this is what happens.”
  • “Jesus. There’s still 40 minutes left of this movie.”
  • “I’m just admiring his pants.”
  • “This is the dance of the swords.”
  • “That’s just how I would start a sword fight. You jump. Touch swords. The fight begins!”
  • “So. Many. Sword fights.”

What We Learned

  • When two boulder collide, they explode.

Final Take

This movie was nonsensical. And way too long, despite only being 1 hr 27 minutes. But the location was scenic (filmed in Malta).

18
Jan
24

Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend (2012)

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Categories: Bad Movies, God Awful, Hillbillies, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 1/18/24

Starring: Bigfoot

Plot:

A tabloid reporter makes a shocking cryptozoological discovery while investigating a recent rash of Bigfoot sightings in this comedy featuring beer, bikinis, and the wildest party animal you’ve ever met.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Drinking booze
  • Footprints
  • Say Bigfoot or sasquatch
  • Mention loins

Quotes:

  • In response to what the hick is going to do when he captures bigfoot = “I’m going to take the missus out and get some egg rolls and spaghetti.”
  • “Personally, I think I’m going to bed, and I think all of that is a bunch of crap.”
  • “That guy’s nuttier than a ton of squirrel poop.”
  • “If you have to shave a hundred monkeys and then glue their fur to a homeless dude to get the picture… then do it!”
  • “You feel like playing sunbather and panty thief?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I keep waiting for bigfoots wild weekend.”
  • “There’s been very little bigfoot and very little wild weekend.”
  • “What’s the wrong end of the urinal?”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to go camping is straight from running on the track without changing or getting camping stuff.
  • The best way to lure bigfoot is to drink beer and take your top off… Or get toasty (aka high) and invite him in.

Final Take:

It starts off well enough, but then Bigfoot disappears for a long period of time. Other characters are introduced and then never seen again. It doesn’t do nearly enough with the premise. So, skippable.

04
Jan
24

Uncle Peckerhead (2020)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Gory and Gratuitous Violence

Viewing Date: Jan 4, 2024

Starring: David Littleton, Chet Siegel, David Bluvband

Plot: The members of the band Duh (Judy, Max, and Mel) have all quit their jobs and are ready to embark on their first tour. The first roadblock on their journey is the fact that their van was repossessed. Desperate for a vehicle, the band placed flyers on every van in town asking to use it for their tour. One van is occupied by one Uncle Peckerhead (or “Peck” as he is known to his friends) who offers to drive the band and be their roadie. However, it turns out that Peck turns into a man-eating monster for thirteen minutes every night at midnight. (via Wikipedia)

Rules

  • Alliteration band names
  • “Roadie”
  • “Peckerhead”
  • Cassette tapes

Quotes

  • “I feel like we all need an Uncle Peckerhead in our lives”
  • “Be sure to piss and shit all over when you’re in there.” “Roger that!”
  • “Aren’t you afraid he could turn on one of us?” “He seems to have a system in place…”
  • “My mixes rules. Your mixes hunk.”

What We Learned

  • Demons can be good guys (until they aren’t)
  • Demons can get explosive diarrhea based on who they eat
  • The best way to find a van and/or roadie is just put flyers on cars
  • The best way to brush your teeth is with someone taking a shit next to you- and a courtesy flush.

Final Take

This movie was a nice little surprise. It had some decent acting with goofy character and some genuinely funny parts. Feels like a movie that my friends and I would have tried to make in high school, which I guess is a compliment.

15
Dec
23

The Mean One

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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Viewing Date: 12/14/2023

Starring: David Howard Thornton, Krystle Martin, Chase Mullins

Plot

Instead of the Grinch stealing all the Christmas toys and decorations from Whoville, he killed little Cindy You Know Who’s mother from Newville, and now she’s out for revenge. 

Rules

  • Blatant Grinch rip-offs
  • False jump-scares
  • Stupid voice-over rhymes
  • Dr. Seuss references

Quotes

  • “What did I see?” - ”The Gr…” - ”Fitch! Order for Mike Fitch!”
  • “Sir, I’m not trying to do your job, but I think one of us should.”
  • “We know that his heart grew three sizes that day. You know it’s poetic when it happens that way.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “The thing I like best after a long hike is a nice sip of hot matza ball soup.”
  • “It’s Jim Carrey killing all these people.”
  • “Why not use the flashlight to pull it closer?”
  • “Why is the movie still going?”

What We Learned

  • Nothing about the Grinch at all, like what he was or why he was doing any of it. 
  • Jim Carrey really takes method acting to the extreme.

Final Take

This movie was pretty thoroughly enjoyable, despite being based on such a thin premise. It was jarring to go from these extreme violent scenes to basically Jim Carrey’s Grinch making whacky faces, but it did make me laugh. It didn’t take itself too seriously. In this case, that was probably the right choice.

30
Nov
23

Summer Rental (1985)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Cult Classic, Racing, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , ,

Date watched: 11/30/23

Starring: John Candy, Rip Torn, Richard Crenna, Joey Lawrence, John Larroquette, Kerri “Goonies Green

Plot:

An overworked air-traffic controller takes his family on a beach vacation but is soon beset by series of mishaps.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • John Candy grumbling/frustrated
  • John Candy injures himself

Quotes:

  • “Your nose would show up on a satellite photo.”
  • “Oh no sweetheart you didn’t wet your bed… you wet their bed.”
  • “That guy looks like John Madden.”
  • “Yeah, you big fart!”
  • “What can I get you?… How about drunk.”
  • “Dad, you’re going to sail a fish restaurant?”
  • “We got beat by a restaurant wearing pants!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “That Mr. Mouth to Mouth is a real scum bag.”
  • “Rip Torn as a pirate is my favorite character in this movie.  Way better than John Candy.”
  • “These sailing terms mean nothing to me.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to eat hard boiled eggs is in the car while driving and throwing the shells all over.
  • The best way to win a regatta is in a boat that used to be a restaurant that my family and I fix up in an 80’s montage.

Final Take:

It’s rare that a movie from our childhood stands up as much as this one does. It’s actually funnier than I remember. The cast is great. Rip Torn does particularly well. The only mystery is why John Larroquette is here in an unfunny role and doing so little. I wonder if there was a larger storyline involving him that was later cut? In any event, this was a good watch.

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