Archive for the 'Seagal' Category

27
Apr
17

The Perfect Weapon (2016)

Perfect Weapon

Date Watched: 4/27/2017

Starring: Steven Seagal and the bad guy from “Kindergarten Cop”

Plot: In the not so distant future, society is controlled by the powerful State and a dictator known as the Director. Condor works as a hitman for the State, but a reunion with someone he thought was dead forces him to consider who his enemies really are.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Seagal wearing stupid sunglasses
  • Seagal taking off stupid sunglasses (2 drinks)
  • Someone says “the State”
  • Killing people with a single blow

Quotes:

  • “They watch us through those things!”  (Said as he shoots the TV.)
  • “There he is, the legenadry Condor.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I can’t tell who’s fighting who.”
  • “It’s a good thing that woman just casually walked into the men’s bathroom.”
  • “Once you make a man’s head explode, there’s no going back.”
  • “I’m not sure what happened, but it seemed pretty stupid.”

Things We Learned:

  • Strip clubs in the future have hula hoops and shiny things.
  • The Bad Movie Thursday gang would rather go to dinner with Seagal over Van Damme, and Gary Busey over Seagal.
  • Cardboard boxes offer great protection against bullets.
  • Handsprings make you invulnerable to gunfire.
  • When you’re on the run, your own home isn’t the best place to hide.

Final Take:  Pretty forgettable, but the production value was decent, and it wasn’t boring.  You could do a lot worse than this.  I would say that hearing the word “Condor” over and over again made us wish that we were watching “Condorman” instead.

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01
Jun
12

Against The Dark

Viewing date: 05/17/2012

Summary:

When most of the population of Earth is infected with a virus and transformed into flesh eaters and blood drinking creatures, a group of hunters led by Tao chases the vampire zombies to eliminate them. Six non-infected survivors try to find the exit of an abandoned hospital crowded with the infected creatures, and Tao and his group help them. Meanwhile, the military command is ready to bomb the area and wipe it from the map.

Starring:

Steven Seagal, the Rock’s cousin and Vampires (although they’re more like cannibal mutants)

Rules:

  • People bitten
  • Seagal one liners
  • Puns about vampires
  • Vampires hissing with fangs
  • Outdoor shot of hospital with symbol

Quotes:

“We’re not here to decide who’s right or wrong, we’re here to decide who lives or dies.”

“The thing about luck is you never know when it’s going to run out”