Archive for the 'Knock-Offs' Category

27
Jun
25

The Further Adventures of Tennessee Buck (1988)

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Categories: Amazon women, Cannibalism, Knock-Offs and Nudity
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Viewing Date: Jun 26, 2025

Starring: David Keith, Kathy Shower, Brant Van Hoffman

Plot: A drunken, down-on-his-luck adventurer is hired by a wealthy man and his beautiful wife to take them on a hunting expedition in the jungle. After a while, though, the guide begins to suspect that there’s more to the expedition than just hunting. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Tennessee Buck is drunk
  • Elephant hijinks (sadly, this did not come into play)
  • “cannibal”

Quotes

  • (viewer): “Tennessee Buck has had zero adventure so far” (mid-way through the movie)
  • “The way to a man’s heart is through his liver.”
  • “4-5 hours a day, 7 days a week.” “You practice shooting that much?” “No. That’s how much I drink.”

What We Learned

  • Keith David is not David Keith
  • Cannibals call human meat “long pig”
  • Cannibals sleep outdoors in piles (like the Croods?)
  • Nothing leads to a romantic jungle encounter like having your husband decapitated and then getting raped.

Final take

I can see how this film came together: Mid-80’s, a group of low budget filmmakers sitting around a table thinking about how to capitalize on the success of Indiana Jones.

“Our hero should be a drunk loser that still has a way with the ladies. What should we call him? Alabama Smith? Arkansas Pete? I got it- Tennessee Buck!”

“Great! But he can’t be too likeable. Let’s have him shoot an abused elephant in one of the opening scenes.”

“I like it. Should it be a slapstick comedy? Action adventure? Suspense and horror? Porn?”

“Let’s do it all! But we need jungle natives that behave like cave people in black face- and wacky cannibals! And let’s conclude it with a decapitation and graphic rape scene!”

“Pure gold!!!”

So we have no idea what this movie is supposed to be- it is a mash up of several genres that doesn’t do any of them well. There are a few funny lines, but the movie never figures out what exactly it is trying to be. And why exactly are these are the ‘further’ adventures of Tennessee Buck? The ‘adventure-level’ of this movie was questionable at best. Did they think this steaming pile of crap would lead to a prequel or something else because viewers were left wanting to know more about this fascinating character? In summary, it seemed like a great BMT fit, with all the necessary ingredients, but in the end is only borderline enjoyable.

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

08
Jun
23

Stewardess School (1986)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 6/8/22

Starring: Every character actor from the 80’s

Plot: The zany “stewdents” at a wacky flight attendants’ school have all sorts of wild and crazy high-flying adventures in this ’80s comedy. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Wings
  • See the main character’s stupid glasses or references to poor vision
  • Slapstick crap

Quotes:

  • “You assholes just wiped out half of Los Angeles.”
  • After farting… “Man, I just got to lay off that pork fried rice.”
  • “How’d you like me to pull that little wee-wee off.”
  • “Do you want to play hide the salami?” After getting punched… “I guess a BJ is out of the question?”
  • “Fasten your seat belt, are you blind.” This was said to a group of blind people.
  • “BJ is two words.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “It’s time for her to do her hair for her hat.”
  • “This is so stupid.”
  • About the guy wigging out… “That looks like me on a SW flight.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to get up a big stairway is by motorcycle.
  • They had sundae bars on airplanes in the 80’s.
  • The best way to stop a bomb on a plane is an ass.
  • Stewardesses have to go to school.

Final Take:

It feels like there was an Executive pitch meeting with an idea to combine Police Academy and Airplane! and make a movie. Deciding that this was a great idea, they started shooting the next day with any 80’s actors that happened to be around the studio. I have to say that they were right! This is a great piece of cinema. I thoroughly enjoyed the tremendous cast of random 80’s actors and slapstick stupidity.

20
Apr
23

Meatballs 4 (1992)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Spin-off or sequel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 4/20/23

Starring: Corey Feldman

Plot: Ricky is the hottest water-ski instructor around and he has just been rehired by his former employer/camp to whip up attendance. But the camp is in serious financial trouble and the owner of a rival, more popular, camp wants to buy them out. Therefore they will have to engage in a mean, winner-takes-all competition that will settle the row once and for all.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Pranks/hijinks
  • Cringe worthy Corey Feldman moments
  • Say “Ricky Wade”

Quotes:

  • “I’m getting a woody.”
  • To girl’s chest… “Hey Bill, hey Ted, any excellent adventures lately?”
  • “By any chance are you checking ID’s… cause all I brought was my IUD.”
  • “Et tu, Bruno?”
  • “These must be really special boobs if we have to sneak up on them.”
  • “I was painting rocks to look like dried fruit and nuts.”
  • “I was in Goonies.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these people in their mid-20’s supposed to be high schoolers?”
  • “Is that what camps are like?”

Things We Learned:

There are raccoons just out everywhere at shitty summer camps.

Final Take:

This is an odd movie.  Why is there a summer camp for adults where both the attendees and the counselors are twentysomethings?  Maybe there is an underserved market for this kind of thing, but it seems like a peculiar business model.  Additionally, Corey Feldman can apparently make or break these camps based on his mere presence.  This is even more absurd based on how incredibly awkward he behaves.  His dance scene is particularly cringe inducing. 

So, would we recommend this movie?  Well, sure.  It’s weirdness probably enhances its entertainment value. 

Finally, speaking of weird and Corey Feldman, I once attended his birthday party at a swanky restaurant in LA in 2000 or 2001.  It was advertised in the local paper where anyone could attend if they called the number and rsvp’d.  The steak dinners were great.  (Thanks Corey!)  I’m not sure if we were supposed to pay, but the tables were pulled away, and Corey started up with his band in front of us.  For those who want the unique experience of this themselves, I’d recommend finding the youtube of his Meatballs 4 dance and pairing it with one of his classic songs like “What is a Dog?”.

19
May
22

Avalanche Sharks (2014)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Knock-Offs and Rules
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Date Watched: 5/19/22

Starring: No one we know.

Plot: Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Electrical disturbances
  • Shark fins/shark kills
  • Bikinis
  • Say “Skookum”
  • Montage scenes
  • Say “Mammoth”

Quotes:

  • “Is it weird that signs like that give me a hard on?”
  • “I never said he couldn’t lust after me.”
  • Q: “We can’t just sit around drink beer and have sex all the time.”  A: “Why not? I thought you liked beer.”
  • “I mean she was mauled to death.  There was nothing left to make a sloppy joe.”
  • “No Dale, I’m not crazy.  I’m a marine.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This movie is filmed like a promotional video for Mammoth.” 

Things we learned:

  • The best time to exercise is when you’re high.
  • The best way to settle a dispute over a girl is a sweet snowmobile race.

Final Take:

Woof.  This sounded really intriguing and over the top, but it failed terribly with the execution.  Bad CGI kills that aren’t particularly fun.  Random skiing stock footage scenes.  Billed as “the story of a bikini contest”, except there’s no bikini contest. 

03
Feb
22

Yor:  The Hunter from the Future (1983)

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Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Foreign, God Awful, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Postapocalyptic and Rules
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Date watched: 2/3/22

Starring: Reb Brown (nominated for a Razzie for this role)

Plot: A warrior seeks his true origins in a seemingly prehistoric wasteland. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Theme song being played
  • Dinosaurs
  • Say “Yor”
  • Old man shoots his arrow
  • Rocks that look like penises

Quotes:

  • “Yor’s different than other guys.”
  • “DAMN talking box!”

Viewer Quotes:                                   

  • “Is he from the future even though he looks like He-Man?”
  • “Is that a Triceratops crossed with a Stegosaurus… a Tristegatops?”
  • “There’s no monogamy in cave man days.”
  • “They should reboot this franchise.”  “No!”

Things we learned:

  • The best way to kill a Tristegatops is with an axe.
  • It’s hard to hide a boner wearing a loin cloth.  Wait, we already knew that from years ago.
  • Bad guys in the olden days wore purple paint on their faces.
  • Yor is good at being captured.
  • A generous man does what his heart commands.

Final Take:

This movie really had it all. It’s hard to believe that the movie at the end was the same movie that we started with. For most of the run time, we had no idea where the “Hunter from the Future” tagline came from. Then all of the sudden the Darth Vader clones showed up. (Actually, they kind of look more like Dark Helmet.) According to IMDB, this was originally an Italian miniseries that ran 200 minutes and was split into four parts. Now, condensed into one 90 minute movie, it operates as somewhat of a weird fever dream. If it were rated “R” and just went all out with the gore and craziness it would be a lot better. As it stands, it’s just kind of weird and tame.

22
Aug
19

Rampage (2018)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Rules, Uncategorized and Well known actors slumming it
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Rampage

Date Watched: 8/22/19

Starring: The Rock, 80’s video game monsters, Negan as basically Negan

Plot: When three different animals become infected with a dangerous pathogen, a primatologist and a geneticist team up to stop them from destroying Chicago.  (from IMDB.com)

Rules: 

-Video game references
-Sign language w/ monkeys
-Say Crsper
-Dumb radio signal to lure the monsters

Quotes:

-“Is it me, or is he considerably bigger?”
-“I need that wolf… dead or alive”
-“What are you, some sort of International Man of Mystery?”
-“David, there’s something big in the river.”… “Well, that sucks.”

Viewer Quotes:

-“Has the Rock ever been in an actual good movie?”
-“Wow, this is really just a bunch of nonsense.”

Things We Learned:

-Monkeys can give people the finger and knock the Rock (pun intended).
-Ruthless CEO has Rampage video game in her office in a movie about Rampage video game.
-Doctors have access to helicopters.  (And damaged helicopters can “float” down buildings as they crumble.)
-Getting shot in the gut is no big deal if you’re The Rock.  (Just remember to occasionally wince.)
-Wolves can fly.

Final Take:

Not too shabby for a BMT Movie.  It certainly was silly, but it did a decent job of tone and being entertaining.  I’m not sure what else you could ask for in a movie about three cartoon monsters that scale a building.

06
Jun
19

Solomon Kane (2009)

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Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Revenge and Uncategorized

Solomon Kane Pic

Date Watched: 6/6/19

Starring: Thee-Eyed Raven, Kobayashi, and dude from Altered Carbon

Plot:

A ruthless mercenary renounces violence after learning his soul is bound for hell. When a young girl is kidnapped and her family slain by a sorcerer’s murderous cult, he is forced to fight and seek his redemption slaying evil. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Every time he’s unstoppable or kills two bad guys at once
  • Say “Solomon Kane”
  • Shows his scarred back

Quotes:

  • “Silence you dogs”
  • “Killing came easily to me”
  • About not fighting anymore… “I may just have changed my mind about that.”
  • “I was born here.  I have no intention of going through the front gates.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “He didn’t know that with their black demon eyes these guys were possessed.  He must have thought it was a Vitamin C deficiency.”
  • “That’s a tough way to wake up from a hangover, being dragged through the mud to your own death.”

Things We Learned:

  • Weird underground tunnels full of demons have already lit torches.

Final Take:

Surprisingly watchable.  This movie comes up continuously in our Netflix searches, but we’ve never been down to watch it, as it looks like a terrible version of Van Helsing.  (Van Helsing is already terrible in itself.)  So, we gave it a shot, and we were pleasantly surprised.  This had decent effects and acting, and we’d give it a positive recommendation.

21
Feb
19

Robo Vampire 3 aka The Vampire is Still Alive aka Counter Destroy (1989)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cyborgs, Foreign, God Awful, Knock-Offs, Rules and Uncategorized
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Counter Destroy

Viewing Date: 2/21/19

Starring: No One

Plot: Joyce rents an old haunted home to pen her horror script, which releases an evil army of robot vampires, a knife-wielding demon and a battalion of otherworldly creatures (from IMDB).

Rules:
Something supernatural happens
Vampires
Abrupt scene changes

Quotes:
“Why man kill 2 beautiful girl.”
“I forgot to tell him we are the police.”
“You’re efficiency is extremely low. You’ve got to take some action now.”

Viewer Quotes:
“Why couldn’t they be in the bath together, shaving each other with a can of Barbasal.”
“Those are nice melons.”
“This is probably the most incoherent plot we’ve ever watched on a BMT.”

Things We Learned:
Rotary phones can kill.
The sacred bird can tell your fortune from sealed envelopes.
Vampires hop like rabbits.
The best way to kill someone is jumping over a car and slicing them with a putty knife.

Final Take:

Bad, and not in a good way.  We cannot recommend this movie, as it was a slog to get through.  Too bad.  There was a lot of potential here, but the mishmash of a bunch of other movies doesn’t work.

17
Nov
17

R.I.P.D.

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Categories: Bad CGI, Cowboys, Ghosts, Knock-Offs and Uncategorized

RIPD

Date Watched: 11/16/17

Starring: Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Bacon, Mary Louise Parker

Plot: A recently slain cop joins a team of undead police officers working for the Rest in Peace Department and tries to find the man who murdered him.

Rules

  • Someone says “RIPD” or “Rest In Peace”.
  • See the alternate version of them.
  • Royseafus does something old cowboy.
  • Someone says “Dead-O”

Quotes

  • “You know what my funeral was?  Watching a bunch of coyotes pick my carcass clean and drag my bones off to a cave.  A freakin’ cave, hoss.”
  • “You ain’t my partner, rook.  You’re just the ass in the other seat.”
  • “RIPD don’t and don’t sleep.”  –  “So why do you eat this?”  –  “I enjoy the mouthfeel!”
  • “I thought you were some kind of rebel, Roy.” – “I fought for the North.”
  • “Total humiliation.  Just a pants-down spanking in the supermarket.”
  • “You agreeing with me… that’s weird.” – “Yeah, feels strange…kind of tingly.”
  • “She billy-goated me!”

Viewer Quotes

  • “What’s this thing called?  Ripped?”
  • “As a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster, this is a disaster.  But as a smaller, no expectation, weird flick, it’s not bad.”
  • “So time freezes anytime anyone dies?  Nobody would get anything done!”

Things We Learned

  • Indian food transforms dead people into monsters, specifically cumin.
  • RIPD don’t eat or sleep, just kick Dead-O’s ass.
  • Dead people still live among us (some of us knew that all along)
  • Jeff Bridges likes a nice turn of an ankle.
  • How to billy-goat somebody.

Final Take: Not as bad as some will have you believe.  If your expectations are as low as ours were, you will likely find this movie just fine, and Jeff Bridges character in particular was pretty entertaining.

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