Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 5/29/14

Starring: Parker Lewis Can’t Lose

Plot:

The fishing vessel Solita crosses a storm during the night and the Skipper Will McKenna witnesses a weird creature attacking the crewman Joey. They return to the dock and Will has difficulties to pay the amount he owes to the former owner of the boat, Roy. The fish population is reducing in the area and the biologist Arden is investigating the possible causes. Meanwhile, Will’s daughter Carly steals the keys of her father’s cottage in a nearby island and plans to travel with her boyfriend Danny and their friends Erin and Drew to spend the weekend in the island. However, Drew is murdered by a deep sea predator on the dock and his pieces are found by Will and Arden. Carly, Danny and Erin do not have any news from their friend and travel to the island without Drew. Sooner Erin is murdered by the creature and Danny is bitten by a newborn reptile. Danny and Erin seek shelter in the cabin but they are trapped there by the creatures. In the continent, Will and Arden learn that the deep sea predator is a very dangerous species, after a series of lethal attacks, and they head to the island to rescue Carly. (From IMDB)

Rules:

-Non-special effects

-Shots of being haunted by the cartoon beast

-Parker Lewis loses (bad things happen to him)

-Dumb actor struggling to sound scientific

-Sea Beast’s tongue comes out

-Say “angler fish”

-When Sea Beast is cloaked

-Sideways camera angles like in Battlefield Earth

Quotes:

“I’m just telling you the properties of this slime and where it’s found in nature.”

“Let’s just go to the boat and get the first aid kit.”

“That weren’t no shark!”

“You’re the fisherman, you figure it out.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Wow, they just throw us right into this.”

“Gee, the black friend died first.  Shocker for a movie like this.”

“All the cool dudes in the 80’s had house boats.”

“If you take a selfie with a Sea Beast, is it still considered a selfie?”

“Ooh entrails.”

“Now it’s time for a making weapons montage.”

“There’s a lot of sea beasts in this movie, so should this really be called sea beasts and sons?”

“Parker Lewis dating a girl his daughter’s age… that’s winning.”

“He just wants to tongue her.”

Things We Learned:

-Sea Beasts have cloaking capabilities like the Predator or a Klingon warship.

-Sea Beasts know instinctively to use their tongues to choke people.

-The best way to hold a hatchet is to choke up on it like a baseball bat.

Final Take:

Any movie starring Parker Lewis is already a winner in my book, although this is pretty standard Syfy movie fare.  It’s fairly entertaining, but you won’t see any hardcore gore or T&A in a movie like this.