Archive for the 'Cult Classic' Category

01
May
25

Miami Connection (1988)

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Categories: Assassins, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Elite and Ninjas
Tags: , , ,

Viewing Date: May 1, 2025

Starring: Y.K Kim, Vincent Hirsch, Joseph Diamand, Maurice Smith

Plot: The year is 1987. Motorcycle ninjas tighten their grip on Florida’s narcotics trade, viciously annihilating anyone who dares move in on their turf. Multi-national martial arts rock band Dragon Sound have had enough, and embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice. When not chasing beach bunnies or performing their hit song “Against the Ninja,” Mark (taekwondo master/inspirational speaker Y.K. Kim) and the boys are kicking and chopping at the drug world’s smelliest underbelly. It’ll take every ounce of their blood and courage, but Dragon Sound can’t stop until they’ve completely destroyed the dealers, the drunk bikers, the kill-crazy ninjas, the middle-aged thugs, the “stupid cocaine”…and the entire MIAMI CONNECTION!! (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Cocaine (use, references, nicknames: Coke, Bolivian marching powder, etc)
  • Dismemberments
  • “Dragon Sound”
  • “Son of a Bitch”
  • Any mentions of Taekwondo
  • Musical performance

Quotes

  • “They don’t make buns like those down at the bakery.”
  • (Song lyrics): “Bikers by day, Ninjas by night- Steal your cocaine, steal your life!”
  • (Song lyrics): “Friends through eternity, loyalty, honesty. We’ll stay together through thick or thin. Friends forever we’ll be together. We’re on top ’cause we play to win!!!”
  • “I didn’t know you had a father, I thought we were all orphans”
  • (Viewer quote): “You don’t take off the hood- it’s like a clan rally.”

What We Learned

  • University of Central Florida is a hotbed for ninjas
  • Music venues in Orlando have a limit of only one martial-arts-themed-band.
  • The correct ratio of girlfriends to band members is 1:4
  • Ninjas on motorcycles can’t be stopped.
  • After hours at the gym consists of full contact Taekwondo in the dark, while wearing jeans
  • White ninja robe = master
  • If a friend has an unexpected and important life event, you are required to pool all of your money to buy him a suit.
  • Don’t dine and dash if the restaurant owner is a Taekwondo master.
  • U-Haul blankets are all you need for your bed if you’re a martial artist/rock star/college kid on a budget.

Final Take

I’m pretty sure we watched this at some point over the last 20 year, but we couldn’t find any record of it on the blog or pre-blog journal (lip log), so here we go again!

This is some quintessential Bad Movie Thursday stuff- a cult classic with a well earned reputation for absolute ridiculousness top to bottom. Where to start? We’re not even sure what the Miami Connection refers to. The movie takes place in Orlando, and the opening sequence of cocaine-stealing ninjas was the only part to take place in Miami. Why are the ninjas stealing cocaine? Well, to fund their ambiguous crime network of course! And the entire downfall of this criminal empire was caused by one member’s dislike for his college student sister’s boyfriend (who is actually a pretty wholesome guy). And let’s talk about the four “friends” the film centers around. Did they all grow up as orphans together? Maybe??? But they are roommates, bandmates, a taekwondo team, and most importantly, friends forever.

If I were to flag a single highlight of the movie, it is the phenomenal sound track and music performances in the movie. Dragon Sound deserves to be a real thing.

This is a great bad movie- definitely in the discussion to crack the top ten bad movies list.

20
Mar
25

Maniac Cop (1988)

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Categories: Cult Classic
Tags: ,

Maniac Cop (Special Edition)

Viewing Date: Mar 20, 2025

Starring: Tom Atkins, Bruce Campbell, Laurene Landon, Richard Roundtree

Plot: Innocent people are being brutally murdered on the streets of New York City by a uniformed police officer. As the death toll rises and City Hall attempts a cover-up, Frank McCrae heads the investigation. A young cop, Jack Forrest, finds himself under arrest as the chief suspect, having been the victim of a set-up by the real killer and a mysterious woman phone-caller. Forrest, his girlfriend Theresa, and McCrae set out to solve the puzzle before the Maniac Cop can strike again. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Trash on the street
  • “Maniac”, “Psycho”, “Crazy”
  • “Cordell”
  • Cop stereotypes, tropes or dialogue

Quotes

  • “Cops like killing. That’s why they’re cops.”
  • You should have seen him on the operating table… Cut to pieces.”

What We Learned

  • NYPD patrol officers all wore white gloves for some reason
  • Maniac cop has / had a girlfriend
  • Maniac cop likes a good St. Patty’s day parade

Final Take

Our decision around watching Maniac Cop wasn’t that we thought it would be a great BMT film, but would be a gateway for the sequels, which we expect to be more absurd and entertaining. We were basically right on that- I wouldn’t say Maniac Cop was good, but it took itself a little too seriously (especially for a Troma movie). So much more potential there, but ended up as a slow paced, procedural meets Halloween meets Terminator. Was Cordell, the Maniac Cop alive, dead, or just bullet proof and ice cold? We’re not sure, but after escaping / being released from Sing Sing), he was super strong and liked to kill innocent people as revenge for… being framed by corrupt politicians.

The short entry was not by design- there just really wasn’t much material to work with. On the positive side, there were some good car chases and stunts, especially considering the low budget, and of course, Bruce Campbell.

Here’s to the sequels being more entertaining.

24
Oct
24

Night of the Demons (1988)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 10/24/24

Starring: People from low budget horror movies

Plot:

Ten teenagers party at an abandoned funeral parlor on Halloween night. When an evil force awakens, demonic spirits keep them from leaving and turn their gathering into a living Hell. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Saying “Halloween” or “Trick or Treat”
  • Trendy 80’s things
  • Say “Creep” or “Creepy”

Quotes:

  • “Happy Halloween asshole!”
  • “Wow, bodacious boobs sis.”
  • “Do you guys have sour balls?… Too bad, I bet you don’t get many bjs.”
  • Q: “Do you guys want one?” A: “Ma, they look like sun dried poodle turds.”
  • “Captain dingleberry the flaming asshole of Transylvania.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Was that a Rainbow Bright costume?”
  • “Who is the star of this movie?  I hate all of these people.”

Things We Learned:

  • The noise, the stink, and the chill means that there’s a demon afoot.
  • You can eat a bunch of razor blades and not realize it until they’re in your throat.
  • Lipstick can be shoved into an unnatural spot.

Final Take:

Apparently, this movie has a cult following, and there were two sequels and a remake (with Shannon Elizabeth and Edward Furlong?!). I can see why. It’s cheesy 80’s trash, but there’s enough weirdness and humor here that adds a certain level of charm. Also, most movies of this pedigree I immediately forget about by the next day, but this one has a number of memorable moments.

There’s an infamous lipstick scene that even in 2024 is a bit of a shock to see. A fun fact is that when the actress went in to get the prosthetics done for it, she met the special effects artist, and they later married. Definitely a unique way to meet and adds some context to that scene.

For lovers of B Movie 80’s horror, I’d recommend it.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

30
Nov
23

Summer Rental (1985)

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Categories: Cult Classic, Racing, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , ,

Date watched: 11/30/23

Starring: John Candy, Rip Torn, Richard Crenna, Joey Lawrence, John Larroquette, Kerri “Goonies Green

Plot:

An overworked air-traffic controller takes his family on a beach vacation but is soon beset by series of mishaps.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • John Candy grumbling/frustrated
  • John Candy injures himself

Quotes:

  • “Your nose would show up on a satellite photo.”
  • “Oh no sweetheart you didn’t wet your bed… you wet their bed.”
  • “That guy looks like John Madden.”
  • “Yeah, you big fart!”
  • “What can I get you?… How about drunk.”
  • “Dad, you’re going to sail a fish restaurant?”
  • “We got beat by a restaurant wearing pants!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “That Mr. Mouth to Mouth is a real scum bag.”
  • “Rip Torn as a pirate is my favorite character in this movie.  Way better than John Candy.”
  • “These sailing terms mean nothing to me.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to eat hard boiled eggs is in the car while driving and throwing the shells all over.
  • The best way to win a regatta is in a boat that used to be a restaurant that my family and I fix up in an 80’s montage.

Final Take:

It’s rare that a movie from our childhood stands up as much as this one does. It’s actually funnier than I remember. The cast is great. Rip Torn does particularly well. The only mystery is why John Larroquette is here in an unfunny role and doing so little. I wonder if there was a larger storyline involving him that was later cut? In any event, this was a good watch.

10
Nov
22

Fateful Findings (2013)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Ghosts and Rules

Viewing Date: 11/10/22

Starring: Neil Breen, Klara Landrat, Jennifer Autry

Plot: A small boy discovers a mystical power as a child, then is separated from his childhood girlfriend. He grows up to be an acclaimed novelist and also a computer scientist who hacks into the most secret national and international secrets. His childhood discovery gives him amazing paranormal powers. He is reunited with the childhood girlfriend, mystically, on his hospital deathbed–as his relationship with his current drug-addict girlfriend is deteriorating. As passions build among the threesome, mystical, psychiatric, and worldly forces rise to prevent him from revealing the hacked secrets. He attempts to reveal all in a large press conference in Washington, D.C. with ‘fateful,’ dangerous consequences. (via IMDB, possibly written by… Neil Breen?)

Rules

  • Humble Brag
  • Clutching the black stone
  • Weird shots of feet and legs
  • Multiple laptops in one shot
  • Neil Breen naked / partially naked
  • Magic book
  • Ghost ‘stuff’
  • Therapists

Quotes

  • “They have no idea…”
  • “I never thought to look at the name on the chest” (Doctor speaking to her patient)
  • “I knew I was in love with you when we were walking in the forest and found the black cube.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Throwing books. No! Too many rules already!”
  • “What is this ghost business?”

What We Learned

  • You still need to take someone’s pulse by their wrist, even if they have all kinds of medical equipment hooked up.
  • Neil Breen and friends eat decorative fruit baskets for dinner
  • Always a good idea to wipe blood on your face if given the opportunity.
  • When the reckoning comes for the secret cabal, they all commit suicide in different, creative ways.
  • Your childhood crush when you were 8 years old carries a much stronger bond / love than your wife of many years.

Final Take

Yep, its another Neil Breen movie. I actually think this was more enjoyable than Double Down- a tiny bit more coherent and apparently a remake of that earlier movie (although you wouldn’t know if Neil Breen didn’t tell you). Not quite as much repetition or Neil Breen doing crazy things solo, in the desert for half the movie. This is described as a ‘paranormal thriller’, which makes about as much sense as anything that happens in the movie from start to end. There is a terrible CGI “ghost” that appears occasionally and the magic black rock / cube, but I wouldn’t classify either of those things as thrilling. At least the movie ends on a high note, that (of course) has little to do with any of the movie up to this point, and does not deal with any of the relationships between the characters in the movie- Neil Breen was actually hacking into computer systems, exposing evil Cabals (don’t recall what they were doing, other than being evil), which led to mass suicide by all of these bad actors. Enjoyable as long as you know what you’re getting into.

15
Sep
22

Ninja 3: The Domination (1984)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Elite, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Ninjas, Revenge and Spin-off or sequel
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: 9/15/22

Starring: The old guy who sells Gremlins

Plot: An evil ninja attempts to avenge his death from beyond the grave, by possessing an innocent woman’s body. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Ninja weapons
  • Superhero Ninja Things
  • 80s callbacks to other movies
  • Floating swords
  • Christie dancing

Quotes:

  • “You got this to kill a cop with or something?”
  • “I don’t have any coffee in my apartment, but I have some v8 juice.  Would you like to take me home?”
  • “I am a ninja!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I remember my mom did jazzercise at the rec center.”
  • “There’s nothing sexy about v8.”
  • “She’s going to call 187 demon ninja.”
  • “He’s so hairy.  He looks like Gollum.  He should take his sweater off.”

Things we learned:

  • Ninjas can crush golf balls and pool balls with their hands.
  • Ninjas can dig holes like a gopher.
  • Only a ninja can destroy a ninja.

Final Take:

Wow, there’s a lot to take in, and I mean that as a compliment! This is a very odd, silly, stupid, ridiculous movie that is incredibly enjoyable to watch. I would highly recommend this piece as pure BMT “art”.

17
Aug
18

Another Wolf Cop

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Categories: Aliens, Cult Classic, Gory and Gratuitous Violence

Image result for another wolfcop

Viewing Date: 8/16/18

Staring: Leo Fafard, Amy Matysio, Kevin Smith (uncredited???)

Plot:  Alcoholic werewolf cop Lou Garou springs into action when an eccentric businessman with evil intentions seduces Woodhaven’s residents with a new brewery and hockey team in this outrageous horror-comedy sequel.

Rules:

  • Say “Wolf”, “Wolfcop”
  • Say “Chicken Milk”

Quotes:

  • “For fuck sake.  Someone stole our donuts.”
  • “I’ll be good to you.”
  • “Lou.  You’re a wolf…”  “Cop.”
  • “Watch your sassy mouth.”
  • “You wouldn’t happen to have a beer handy would you?”  “Thank God.”
  • “It’s time to die, you strange animal.”
  • “I’m glad you’re better man, but I still don’t approve of this shit.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “How much cocaine was done during the filming of this movie?”

What We Learned:

  • Wolfcop revels in other people’s suffering.
  • Moon rocks are like cocaine to werewolves…  Or maybe it was just real cocaine.
  • Don’t drink Chicken Milk Stout.
14
Apr
17

Hard Ticket To Hawaii

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Categories: Andy Sidaris, Cult Classic and Nudity

HardTicketToHawaii

Date Watched: 4/13/2017

Starring: Boobs Mcgee, “Long” Ron Dangle

Plot: In Molokai, two undercover drug enforcement agents are after a vicious drug kingpin, but on the way, they will also have to deal with a contaminated giant python.

Rules

  • Seeing the disgusting snake
  • Aviator shades
  • Boobs
  • “The Agency”
  • Flute music

Quotes

  • (Staring at a woman’s chest) “I’ll have a pair of coffee.”
  • “If brains were bird shit, you’d have a clean cage.”
  • “I’m going to give you the best seat in the house.”  – “Where is that?” – “Right here on my face.”
  • “You go down on her, you’ll be kissing the back of my head because I’ll already be there.  I think you know what I mean.”
  • “So tell me, what do you feel?” – “One man’s dream is another man’s lunch.” – “You son of a bitch.”
  • “Kinky sex… I’ll go get the midgets and the whips.”
  • “Who’s this?  You can’t be here, turkey.” – “He’s just a thrower.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “He’s controlling the helicopter with his wand.”
  • “Why are these chicks doing martial arts?”
  • “Wow, they look real.” – “Are you talking about the diamonds?” (two topless girls in scene)
  • “You have the whitest teeth I’ve ever come across.”

Things We Learned

  • The actress who plays Donna, Dona Spier, is in a number of other movies, almost always playing a character named Donna.
  • Agents in Hawaii are vacation hosts and know martial arts.
  • All snakes eat meat.
  • You can tap into a phone by putting a suction cup on the side of another phone.
  • Boobs can make a bad movie seem much better.
  • Nobody wore bras in Hawaii in the 80’s.
  • A rocket can be used to blow up a helicopter or just blow the head off a snake.  It can be dialed up or down to meet your needs.

Final Take: This was a keeper.  Definitely recommended.  Unintentionally funny, lots of boobs, explosions, and a contaminated snake that keeps making appearances for almost no reason.  It has all the trimmings.

22
Apr
16

Nightbreed (Director’s Cut)

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Categories: Cult Classic and Mutants

nightbreed

Plot: A troubled young man is drawn to a mythical place called Midian where a community of mutant outcasts attempt to escape the attention of a psychotic serial killer and redneck vigilantes. Based on the novel “Cabal” by Clive Barker. (via IMDB)

Starring: Craig Sheffer

Rules

  • “Dr. P. Decker” nameplate is shown
  • Button Eyes kills someone
  • Any scene that goes on way too long
  • “Midian”

Quotes

  • “You are a freak and a cannibal and you’ve come to the wrong town.”
  • “No pulse, the man is dead!”
  • “Not lying down dead, my friend.  Walking around in my fuckin’ cell dead.”
  • “Looks like the millenium just ended.”

 

Viewer Quotes

  • “Did she say ‘I want a gay man?'”
  • “I’m disappointed he doesn’t have a moon penis.”
  • “That’s not too bad…better than being a turkey being of some kind.”
  • “Why are there stupid sink holes everywhere?”
  • “That guy…the priest-slash-faggot.”

What We Learned

  • If you’re natural, you’re meat for a beast.
  • Night Breed are not good at fighting back and probably should just hide from now on.
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