Posts Tagged ‘cheap knockoffs

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
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Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

21
Mar
24

Love At Stake (1987)

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Categories: Nudity, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 3/21/24

Starring: Kelly Preston

Plot:

In this spoof inspired by the Salem witch trials the town’s mayor and the judge agree to sentence several innocent townspeople to death for witchcraft in order to confiscate their land for themselves. However, sexy real witches show up. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Groan worthy jokes
  • Slapstick jokes
  • Anachronisms
  • Call backs to other movies

Quotes:

  • “In the locker room all the men talk like that.”
  • “If you’ve figured out a way to get more stiffs into that church, we want to hear about it.”
  • “Pay now… pray later.”
  • “That’s what happens when cousins marry.”
  • “Adios pinheads!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Madam dong’s house of rubbers?”
  • “His wife is huge.”

Things We Learned:

  • Witches like to make penis cakes.
  • The best way to cook hot dogs is next to the fire where you’re burning witches at the stake.
  • The most American thing ever is clam chowder wrestling.
  • Thanksgiving was a great time to get high.

Final Take:

It was not bad and easy to watch. There were some good moments of goofy 80’s humor, but it wasn’t as ridiculously over the top as it could have been.

08
Jun
23

Stewardess School (1986)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 6/8/22

Starring: Every character actor from the 80’s

Plot: The zany “stewdents” at a wacky flight attendants’ school have all sorts of wild and crazy high-flying adventures in this ’80s comedy. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Wings
  • See the main character’s stupid glasses or references to poor vision
  • Slapstick crap

Quotes:

  • “You assholes just wiped out half of Los Angeles.”
  • After farting… “Man, I just got to lay off that pork fried rice.”
  • “How’d you like me to pull that little wee-wee off.”
  • “Do you want to play hide the salami?” After getting punched… “I guess a BJ is out of the question?”
  • “Fasten your seat belt, are you blind.” This was said to a group of blind people.
  • “BJ is two words.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “It’s time for her to do her hair for her hat.”
  • “This is so stupid.”
  • About the guy wigging out… “That looks like me on a SW flight.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to get up a big stairway is by motorcycle.
  • They had sundae bars on airplanes in the 80’s.
  • The best way to stop a bomb on a plane is an ass.
  • Stewardesses have to go to school.

Final Take:

It feels like there was an Executive pitch meeting with an idea to combine Police Academy and Airplane! and make a movie. Deciding that this was a great idea, they started shooting the next day with any 80’s actors that happened to be around the studio. I have to say that they were right! This is a great piece of cinema. I thoroughly enjoyed the tremendous cast of random 80’s actors and slapstick stupidity.

20
Apr
23

Meatballs 4 (1992)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Spin-off or sequel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 4/20/23

Starring: Corey Feldman

Plot: Ricky is the hottest water-ski instructor around and he has just been rehired by his former employer/camp to whip up attendance. But the camp is in serious financial trouble and the owner of a rival, more popular, camp wants to buy them out. Therefore they will have to engage in a mean, winner-takes-all competition that will settle the row once and for all.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Pranks/hijinks
  • Cringe worthy Corey Feldman moments
  • Say “Ricky Wade”

Quotes:

  • “I’m getting a woody.”
  • To girl’s chest… “Hey Bill, hey Ted, any excellent adventures lately?”
  • “By any chance are you checking ID’s… cause all I brought was my IUD.”
  • “Et tu, Bruno?”
  • “These must be really special boobs if we have to sneak up on them.”
  • “I was painting rocks to look like dried fruit and nuts.”
  • “I was in Goonies.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these people in their mid-20’s supposed to be high schoolers?”
  • “Is that what camps are like?”

Things We Learned:

There are raccoons just out everywhere at shitty summer camps.

Final Take:

This is an odd movie.  Why is there a summer camp for adults where both the attendees and the counselors are twentysomethings?  Maybe there is an underserved market for this kind of thing, but it seems like a peculiar business model.  Additionally, Corey Feldman can apparently make or break these camps based on his mere presence.  This is even more absurd based on how incredibly awkward he behaves.  His dance scene is particularly cringe inducing. 

So, would we recommend this movie?  Well, sure.  It’s weirdness probably enhances its entertainment value. 

Finally, speaking of weird and Corey Feldman, I once attended his birthday party at a swanky restaurant in LA in 2000 or 2001.  It was advertised in the local paper where anyone could attend if they called the number and rsvp’d.  The steak dinners were great.  (Thanks Corey!)  I’m not sure if we were supposed to pay, but the tables were pulled away, and Corey started up with his band in front of us.  For those who want the unique experience of this themselves, I’d recommend finding the youtube of his Meatballs 4 dance and pairing it with one of his classic songs like “What is a Dog?”.

01
Dec
22

The Last Sharknado: It’s About Time (2018)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cowboys, God Awful, Historical Fiction, SciFi Channel, Spin-off or sequel, Time Travel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date watched: 12/1/22

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Vivica A Fox, Dude from 30 Rock

Plot: Fin has to go back in time to rejoin his shark-battling friends to stop the first Sharknado and save humanity. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “time”
  • Callbacks to previous Sharknado movies that we don’t remember
  • Say “Sharknado”
  • Dee Snider quotes one of his songs or other cameos that the character makes a reference to themselves
  • Talking about needing speed

Quotes:

  • “Welcome to prehistoric times.”
  • “I’ve actually been eaten and pooped out by a lot of dinosaurs.”
  • “First time ever on a pterodactyl?”
  • “These are the same drawings that are at Stonehenge.”
  • Dee Snider: “I think I know who’s twisted Mister.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Is that the guy from 30 Rock?”
  • “This movie is… something else.”
  • “OMG that is Deana Troy.”
  • “C’mon, you’re better than this Neil deGrasse Tyson.”
  • “If I could get a chainsaw sword for Christmas, I would be pretty delighted.”

Things We Learned:

  • You can only go back in time once.
  • One of the consequences of travelling in time is changing sexes and then not remembering.
  • 20,000 years in the future all people are Tara Reid

Final Take:

Well, if you’ve made it through five other Sharknado movies, then you kind of know what you’re getting into with number six. I can’t say that this one is better or worse than the others, because I have little to no memory of them. They all provide a decent BMT experience, and they all are immediately forgettable. I think we’re kind of glad to be done with this series. Wait, what’s that you say? Ian Ziering and the makers of Sharknado created another movie called “Zombie Tidal Wave”? Darn, I guess we kind of have to see that at some point. 🙂

19
May
22

Avalanche Sharks (2014)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Knock-Offs and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 5/19/22

Starring: No one we know.

Plot: Avalanche Sharks tells the story of a bikini contest that turns into a horrifying affair when it is hit by a shark avalanche. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Electrical disturbances
  • Shark fins/shark kills
  • Bikinis
  • Say “Skookum”
  • Montage scenes
  • Say “Mammoth”

Quotes:

  • “Is it weird that signs like that give me a hard on?”
  • “I never said he couldn’t lust after me.”
  • Q: “We can’t just sit around drink beer and have sex all the time.”  A: “Why not? I thought you liked beer.”
  • “I mean she was mauled to death.  There was nothing left to make a sloppy joe.”
  • “No Dale, I’m not crazy.  I’m a marine.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This movie is filmed like a promotional video for Mammoth.” 

Things we learned:

  • The best time to exercise is when you’re high.
  • The best way to settle a dispute over a girl is a sweet snowmobile race.

Final Take:

Woof.  This sounded really intriguing and over the top, but it failed terribly with the execution.  Bad CGI kills that aren’t particularly fun.  Random skiing stock footage scenes.  Billed as “the story of a bikini contest”, except there’s no bikini contest. 

03
Feb
22

Yor:  The Hunter from the Future (1983)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Foreign, God Awful, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/3/22

Starring: Reb Brown (nominated for a Razzie for this role)

Plot: A warrior seeks his true origins in a seemingly prehistoric wasteland. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Anachronisms
  • Theme song being played
  • Dinosaurs
  • Say “Yor”
  • Old man shoots his arrow
  • Rocks that look like penises

Quotes:

  • “Yor’s different than other guys.”
  • “DAMN talking box!”

Viewer Quotes:                                   

  • “Is he from the future even though he looks like He-Man?”
  • “Is that a Triceratops crossed with a Stegosaurus… a Tristegatops?”
  • “There’s no monogamy in cave man days.”
  • “They should reboot this franchise.”  “No!”

Things we learned:

  • The best way to kill a Tristegatops is with an axe.
  • It’s hard to hide a boner wearing a loin cloth.  Wait, we already knew that from years ago.
  • Bad guys in the olden days wore purple paint on their faces.
  • Yor is good at being captured.
  • A generous man does what his heart commands.

Final Take:

This movie really had it all. It’s hard to believe that the movie at the end was the same movie that we started with. For most of the run time, we had no idea where the “Hunter from the Future” tagline came from. Then all of the sudden the Darth Vader clones showed up. (Actually, they kind of look more like Dark Helmet.) According to IMDB, this was originally an Italian miniseries that ran 200 minutes and was split into four parts. Now, condensed into one 90 minute movie, it operates as somewhat of a weird fever dream. If it were rated “R” and just went all out with the gore and craziness it would be a lot better. As it stands, it’s just kind of weird and tame.

16
Dec
21

Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone (1983)

By badmoviethursday 1 Comment
Categories: Aliens, Amazon women, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Cyborgs, In Space, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 12/16/21

Starring: Molly Ringwald, Peter Strauss, Michael Ironside, Ernie Hudson

Plot: On a distant planet inhabited by mutants, two bounty-hunters race to rescue three Earth female captives from the clutches of an evil mutant warlord. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Bad special effects
  • Says “Chalmers”
  • Say “Overdog”
  • Wolff uses his gun

Quotes:

  • “Make it eat dirt, Chalmers.”
  • “Hey wait! I know where to buy clean skav women.”
  • “I never said I wouldn’t eat dog.  I just said I wouldn’t eat it much.”
  • “Good breeding man.  I’ll bet breeding with him would kill him.  I’ll take that bet.”
  • “What do those skrotbags want?”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Wow! It’s got Ernie Hudson.  And Michael Ironside!”
  • “Is her hair wet or just grossly slicked back?”
  • “This reminds me of shower night at our house.”
  • “Are these singing little people?”

Things we learned:

  • Hang gliders are the best way to kidnap women.
  • The best way to deal with customs is to kill them.

Final Take:

This movie scared me as a child. Now… not so much. It flies by, and there really isn’t a lot to it. It certainly fits the bill as a terrible Star Wars knockoff. Cheesy and harmless, it’s worth a look.

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