Posts Tagged ‘cheap knockoffs

05
Feb
26

Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Murdered teenagers, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/5/26

Starring: A guy who does Speed Stick commercials, the girl from The Flash, and a bit of C. Thomas Howell

Plot: A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it’s up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from…Killer Donuts.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Show Dandy Donuts sign
  • Donuts eating someone

Quotes:

  • “Please never enter my lair when my door is locked.”
  • “Damn that acid is kicking in.”
  • While having sex… “You’re the clam in my chowder baby.”
  • “You’re not remotely disturbed by the fact that I just hit this guy with my car at 60 miles an hour, he survived, looked like a zombie, then shat his guts out, glowing green radioactive shit, in case you guys missed that part, before plopping over and dropping dead?”
  • “Ball on fire man!  Ball on fire!”
  • “Just give us enough pink stuff to kill the donuts.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Why is this scene happening at all?”
  • “Getting eaten by a donut… it’s a terrible way to go.”

Things We Learned:

  • Donuts have a random eject button from the fryer, and the donuts come out fully glazed.
  • Donuts can drive a car.

Final Thought:

It was ok.  It definitely owes a lot to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.  So, it’s got that going for it.  It also has C. Thomas Howell, which is another bonus.  But it doesn’t really go over the top with the potential it has.

06
Nov
25

Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cults, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Hillbillies, Murdered teenagers, Nudity, Revenge and Rules
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Date Watched: 11/6/25

Starring: One of the bad guys from Cliffhanger

Plot: A kindly old grandfather is actually the leader of a murderous satanic cult which sacrifices its victims on Halloween.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Jack-O-Lantern”
  • Halloween cliches
  • Showing ASL “I love you” sign
  • Product placement
  • Flashbacks

Quotes:

  • “Your hand is so cold…” said while grabbing a dead man’s hand by mistake while making out at a cemetery on top of a freshly dug grave and not realizing it.
  • “The power is the blood!”
  • To a cop: “Sometime when you’re off duty, I’d love to pull your trigger.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these credits over… nope.  Wow, these are long.”
  • “Is this the pumpkin man?”
  • “Is this a Bollywood movie about Halloween?”
  • “Is that girl a salad?”  (About a girl wearing a salad hat costume.)
  • “That standup comedian was the worst.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way home is right through the cemetery.

Final Take:

This is a solid crappy Halloween movie.  There’s a lot going on from the “kindly” grandfather to literally one of the worst stand up comics I’ve ever seen.  Highly bizarre and highly watchable… it’s worth checking out.

28
Aug
25

My Name is Bruce (2007)

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Categories: Assassins, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
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Date watched: 8/28/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell (duh)

Plot: Mistaken for his character Ash from the ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy, Bruce Campbell is forced to fight a real monster in a small Oregon town.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Bruce Campbell”
  • References to old Bruce movies
  • Say “Quan Di”

Quotes:

  • “I love beer”
  • “Light me, don’t fight me”
  • “Liquor please!”
  • “Oh hey, a MILF is a MILF”
  • “Sleep with the scorpions, bitch!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Did Bruce Campbell write this for himself?”
  • “Is this movie just a rip-off of Three Amigos?”

Things We Learned:

  • In Oregon people are always eating bean curd.

Final Take:

This was a mixed bag.  There’s definitely some funny parts, and Bruce Campbell is endlessly watchable, but it’s really hit or miss.  If you like BC, then you’ll likely find this enjoyable if not memorable.  For anyone else, I’d likely skip it.

22
May
25

Poolboy: Drowing Out the Fury (2011)

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Categories: Assassins, Bad Movies, God Awful, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: (5/22/25)

Starring: Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo and a little bit of Jason Mewes (who must have lost a bet)

Plot: A man returns to California to be a pool cleaner after an eternity of fighting in Vietnam. But it’s been taken over by Mexicans and one of them murdered his family. He settles it the only way he knows.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Poolboy”
  • Filmmaker narration scenes
  • Kevin Sorbo saying terrible stuff

Quotes:

  • “Maybe I’ll dress up as a scarecrow and watch you sleep with my wife”
  • ‘It’s just… f*ck you Alexander Graham Bell.”
  • “What did you bring me his arm for anyway?  You should have brought me his d*ck.”
  • “Why are you making mashed potatoes with dildos?”
  • “I don’t want to die in stock footage?”
  • “I sh*t enchiladas and piss Horchata.”
  • “I could buttplug a double quarter pounder right now.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “What is this f*cking movie?”
  • “What is going on here?”
  • “Is Kevin Sorbo 69ing a blow-up doll?”

Things We Learned:

  • Will Smith made Pat Morita die in real life.
  • You can get a handjob from a clown… and it’s a sexual awakening.
  • Wang Chung will license Dance Hall Days for any purpose… including this movie.

Final Take:

This movie is purposely terrible.  The acting, plot, etc. is awful.  That part mostly works and is generally funny.  It also ventures into being so racist and offensive that it tries to become satire, which is a harder needle to thread.  Its relentless offensiveness will be off-putting for most audiences, and it becomes tedious and too much at times.  (Especially so the lines delivered by Sorbo.  I don’t know how to accurately describe him with his terrible hot takes, but I just saw him called an “underemployed crabapple”, so let’s go with that.) 

I would be curious to know what Danny Trejo thinks about Poolboy today.  He’s a hugely likeable star and seemingly a good dude too.  On the other hand, he probably doesn’t give too sh*ts about this movie or even remembers it out of the hundreds he’s made.

Some funny stuff.  Some overly offensive and tedious stuff.  Proceed at your own peril.

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

21
Mar
24

Love At Stake (1987)

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Categories: Nudity, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , ,

Date watched: 3/21/24

Starring: Kelly Preston

Plot:

In this spoof inspired by the Salem witch trials the town’s mayor and the judge agree to sentence several innocent townspeople to death for witchcraft in order to confiscate their land for themselves. However, sexy real witches show up. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Groan worthy jokes
  • Slapstick jokes
  • Anachronisms
  • Call backs to other movies

Quotes:

  • “In the locker room all the men talk like that.”
  • “If you’ve figured out a way to get more stiffs into that church, we want to hear about it.”
  • “Pay now… pray later.”
  • “That’s what happens when cousins marry.”
  • “Adios pinheads!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Madam dong’s house of rubbers?”
  • “His wife is huge.”

Things We Learned:

  • Witches like to make penis cakes.
  • The best way to cook hot dogs is next to the fire where you’re burning witches at the stake.
  • The most American thing ever is clam chowder wrestling.
  • Thanksgiving was a great time to get high.

Final Take:

It was not bad and easy to watch. There were some good moments of goofy 80’s humor, but it wasn’t as ridiculously over the top as it could have been.

08
Jun
23

Stewardess School (1986)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Uncategorized, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 6/8/22

Starring: Every character actor from the 80’s

Plot: The zany “stewdents” at a wacky flight attendants’ school have all sorts of wild and crazy high-flying adventures in this ’80s comedy. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Wings
  • See the main character’s stupid glasses or references to poor vision
  • Slapstick crap

Quotes:

  • “You assholes just wiped out half of Los Angeles.”
  • After farting… “Man, I just got to lay off that pork fried rice.”
  • “How’d you like me to pull that little wee-wee off.”
  • “Do you want to play hide the salami?” After getting punched… “I guess a BJ is out of the question?”
  • “Fasten your seat belt, are you blind.” This was said to a group of blind people.
  • “BJ is two words.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “It’s time for her to do her hair for her hat.”
  • “This is so stupid.”
  • About the guy wigging out… “That looks like me on a SW flight.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to get up a big stairway is by motorcycle.
  • They had sundae bars on airplanes in the 80’s.
  • The best way to stop a bomb on a plane is an ass.
  • Stewardesses have to go to school.

Final Take:

It feels like there was an Executive pitch meeting with an idea to combine Police Academy and Airplane! and make a movie. Deciding that this was a great idea, they started shooting the next day with any 80’s actors that happened to be around the studio. I have to say that they were right! This is a great piece of cinema. I thoroughly enjoyed the tremendous cast of random 80’s actors and slapstick stupidity.

20
Apr
23

Meatballs 4 (1992)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Nudity, Rules, Spin-off or sequel, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 4/20/23

Starring: Corey Feldman

Plot: Ricky is the hottest water-ski instructor around and he has just been rehired by his former employer/camp to whip up attendance. But the camp is in serious financial trouble and the owner of a rival, more popular, camp wants to buy them out. Therefore they will have to engage in a mean, winner-takes-all competition that will settle the row once and for all.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Pranks/hijinks
  • Cringe worthy Corey Feldman moments
  • Say “Ricky Wade”

Quotes:

  • “I’m getting a woody.”
  • To girl’s chest… “Hey Bill, hey Ted, any excellent adventures lately?”
  • “By any chance are you checking ID’s… cause all I brought was my IUD.”
  • “Et tu, Bruno?”
  • “These must be really special boobs if we have to sneak up on them.”
  • “I was painting rocks to look like dried fruit and nuts.”
  • “I was in Goonies.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these people in their mid-20’s supposed to be high schoolers?”
  • “Is that what camps are like?”

Things We Learned:

There are raccoons just out everywhere at shitty summer camps.

Final Take:

This is an odd movie.  Why is there a summer camp for adults where both the attendees and the counselors are twentysomethings?  Maybe there is an underserved market for this kind of thing, but it seems like a peculiar business model.  Additionally, Corey Feldman can apparently make or break these camps based on his mere presence.  This is even more absurd based on how incredibly awkward he behaves.  His dance scene is particularly cringe inducing. 

So, would we recommend this movie?  Well, sure.  It’s weirdness probably enhances its entertainment value. 

Finally, speaking of weird and Corey Feldman, I once attended his birthday party at a swanky restaurant in LA in 2000 or 2001.  It was advertised in the local paper where anyone could attend if they called the number and rsvp’d.  The steak dinners were great.  (Thanks Corey!)  I’m not sure if we were supposed to pay, but the tables were pulled away, and Corey started up with his band in front of us.  For those who want the unique experience of this themselves, I’d recommend finding the youtube of his Meatballs 4 dance and pairing it with one of his classic songs like “What is a Dog?”.

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