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01
May
25

Miami Connection (1988)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Assassins, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Elite and Ninjas
Tags: , , ,

Viewing Date: May 1, 2025

Starring: Y.K Kim, Vincent Hirsch, Joseph Diamand, Maurice Smith

Plot: The year is 1987. Motorcycle ninjas tighten their grip on Florida’s narcotics trade, viciously annihilating anyone who dares move in on their turf. Multi-national martial arts rock band Dragon Sound have had enough, and embark on a roundhouse wreck-wave of crime-crushing justice. When not chasing beach bunnies or performing their hit song “Against the Ninja,” Mark (taekwondo master/inspirational speaker Y.K. Kim) and the boys are kicking and chopping at the drug world’s smelliest underbelly. It’ll take every ounce of their blood and courage, but Dragon Sound can’t stop until they’ve completely destroyed the dealers, the drunk bikers, the kill-crazy ninjas, the middle-aged thugs, the “stupid cocaine”…and the entire MIAMI CONNECTION!! (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Cocaine (use, references, nicknames: Coke, Bolivian marching powder, etc)
  • Dismemberments
  • “Dragon Sound”
  • “Son of a Bitch”
  • Any mentions of Taekwondo
  • Musical performance

Quotes

  • “They don’t make buns like those down at the bakery.”
  • (Song lyrics): “Bikers by day, Ninjas by night- Steal your cocaine, steal your life!”
  • (Song lyrics): “Friends through eternity, loyalty, honesty. We’ll stay together through thick or thin. Friends forever we’ll be together. We’re on top ’cause we play to win!!!”
  • “I didn’t know you had a father, I thought we were all orphans”
  • (Viewer quote): “You don’t take off the hood- it’s like a clan rally.”

What We Learned

  • University of Central Florida is a hotbed for ninjas
  • Music venues in Orlando have a limit of only one martial-arts-themed-band.
  • The correct ratio of girlfriends to band members is 1:4
  • Ninjas on motorcycles can’t be stopped.
  • After hours at the gym consists of full contact Taekwondo in the dark, while wearing jeans
  • White ninja robe = master
  • If a friend has an unexpected and important life event, you are required to pool all of your money to buy him a suit.
  • Don’t dine and dash if the restaurant owner is a Taekwondo master.
  • U-Haul blankets are all you need for your bed if you’re a martial artist/rock star/college kid on a budget.

Final Take

I’m pretty sure we watched this at some point over the last 20 year, but we couldn’t find any record of it on the blog or pre-blog journal (lip log), so here we go again!

This is some quintessential Bad Movie Thursday stuff- a cult classic with a well earned reputation for absolute ridiculousness top to bottom. Where to start? We’re not even sure what the Miami Connection refers to. The movie takes place in Orlando, and the opening sequence of cocaine-stealing ninjas was the only part to take place in Miami. Why are the ninjas stealing cocaine? Well, to fund their ambiguous crime network of course! And the entire downfall of this criminal empire was caused by one member’s dislike for his college student sister’s boyfriend (who is actually a pretty wholesome guy). And let’s talk about the four “friends” the film centers around. Did they all grow up as orphans together? Maybe??? But they are roommates, bandmates, a taekwondo team, and most importantly, friends forever.

If I were to flag a single highlight of the movie, it is the phenomenal sound track and music performances in the movie. Dragon Sound deserves to be a real thing.

This is a great bad movie- definitely in the discussion to crack the top ten bad movies list.

18
Apr
25

Maniac Cop 3

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

 

Viewing Date: Apr 17, 2025

Starring: Robert Davi, Robert Z’Dar, Caitlin Dulany, Jackie Earle Haley

Plot: A priest practicing the Voodoo arts resurrects Matt Cordell, who takes his badge and comes back from the dead to do his bidding. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Trash on the street
  • “Maniac”, “Psycho”, “Crazy”
  • “Cordell”
  • Cop stereotypes, tropes or dialogue
  • Scenes from the last movies
  • Awesome stunts
  • Baton twirling
  • Voodoo

Quotes

  • “At least he died with a smile on his face.”
  • “He was huge and kind of scary looking so I followed him to the tunnels under the hospital.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Chopping a corpse’s head off I’m pretty sure is worse than a misdemeanor.”
  • “Under the tunnels with Bob Marley?”
  • “This is a crazy cast for Maniac Cop 3!”
  • “What a piece of shit this guy is.”
  • “That’s the big evolution of Maniac Cop. Now he kills people that deserve it.”
  • “How’s he even seeing? His eyes must have melted by now.”

What We Learned

  • Matt Cordell/Maniac Cop can push cars out of the way.
  • Maniac Cop was a hopeless romantic.

Final Take

Apparently this movie was originally written with an entirely different main character and a different plot, but was recast and rewritten partly through filming. You can tell. Nothing about the plot makes any sense. There are actually quite a few recognizable actors in it, but most of them are killed off in the same scenes where they are introduced. You don’t know why the killer is killing people, or why he was resurrected in the first place. You’re just here for the ridiculous death scenes and the very enjoyable stunts. If that’s what you’re looking for, you can find it here. If you’re looking for a movie that makes any sense, keep looking.

03
Apr
25

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Revenge, Spin-off or sequel and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , ,

Date Watched: 4/3/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell and the bad guy from Goonies and License to Kill

Plot: A supernatural, maniac killer cop teams up with a Times Square serial killer.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Product placement
  • Someone says maniac or psycho (or crazy or nuts or lunatic)
  • Trash on the street
  • Replaying scenes from first movie

Quotes:

  • “So, you can take your Carl Jeung and Sigmund Freud and shove them up your ass.”
  • “This whole city is freaking out about this maniac cop.”
  • “Who the f$ck are you? Barbara Walters?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “How dare this movie try and take itself seriously?”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to speak to a maniac cop in order to positively identify him.
  • Maniac Cop makes friends with low level criminals and stripper killers.
  • Maniac Cop doesn’t need to open doors.  He just walks through them.

Final Take:

The challenge here is that we thought that this sequel would be crazier and more over the top than the original.  Instead, this movie takes itself seriously, and it doesn’t quite live up to it’s potential.  There’s no reason for a movie about a Maniac Cop to ground itself with believability and with solid character actors putting in reputable performances.  The action is good, and the stunts are fantastic. 

20
Mar
25

Maniac Cop (1988)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Cult Classic
Tags: ,

Maniac Cop (Special Edition)

Viewing Date: Mar 20, 2025

Starring: Tom Atkins, Bruce Campbell, Laurene Landon, Richard Roundtree

Plot: Innocent people are being brutally murdered on the streets of New York City by a uniformed police officer. As the death toll rises and City Hall attempts a cover-up, Frank McCrae heads the investigation. A young cop, Jack Forrest, finds himself under arrest as the chief suspect, having been the victim of a set-up by the real killer and a mysterious woman phone-caller. Forrest, his girlfriend Theresa, and McCrae set out to solve the puzzle before the Maniac Cop can strike again. (via IMDB)

Rules

  • Trash on the street
  • “Maniac”, “Psycho”, “Crazy”
  • “Cordell”
  • Cop stereotypes, tropes or dialogue

Quotes

  • “Cops like killing. That’s why they’re cops.”
  • You should have seen him on the operating table… Cut to pieces.”

What We Learned

  • NYPD patrol officers all wore white gloves for some reason
  • Maniac cop has / had a girlfriend
  • Maniac cop likes a good St. Patty’s day parade

Final Take

Our decision around watching Maniac Cop wasn’t that we thought it would be a great BMT film, but would be a gateway for the sequels, which we expect to be more absurd and entertaining. We were basically right on that- I wouldn’t say Maniac Cop was good, but it took itself a little too seriously (especially for a Troma movie). So much more potential there, but ended up as a slow paced, procedural meets Halloween meets Terminator. Was Cordell, the Maniac Cop alive, dead, or just bullet proof and ice cold? We’re not sure, but after escaping / being released from Sing Sing), he was super strong and liked to kill innocent people as revenge for… being framed by corrupt politicians.

The short entry was not by design- there just really wasn’t much material to work with. On the positive side, there were some good car chases and stunts, especially considering the low budget, and of course, Bruce Campbell.

Here’s to the sequels being more entertaining.

07
Mar
25

Wishmaster 2: Evil Never Dies

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized

Viewing Date: 3/6/2025

Starring: Holly Fields, Chris Weber, Al Foster

Plot

The evil Djinn is awakened once more, and must collect 1001 souls to begin the Apocalypse.(via IMDB)

Rules

  • “Wish” (Advanced Rule)
  • Weird transformations
  • Taking the blue-line bus to prison.

Quotes

  • “I only play for real.”
  • “The young man who was shot? He had a regressive experience.”
  • “What’s it going to take?” – “Your soul… and a pack of cigarettes.”
  • “I was in a hole once for 3000 years. This should be a breeze.”
  • “You’re a naughty little girl and daddy’s gotta teach you some respect.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “What the hell? Does she have to witness all this terrible shit?”

What We Learned

  • Don’t wish anything for yourself or you are f’ed.
  • There’s a blue line bus that takes you from downtown straight to prison. And it’s fairly busy.
  • You have to trap a Jinn in the space between worlds.
  • Cutting your pinky off can purify your soul somehow.

Final Take

This movie wasn’t great. There were some decent practical effect scenes with some over-the-top gore, one memorable scene with a lawyer having to “Go F Himself”, and a lot of exposition and filler. The story doesn’t make sense, the characters aren’t likeable at all, and there’s also a suspicious amount of bible talk that comes across as almost a subliminal message. I have a feeling I’ll be reading this entry 4 years from now trying to remember if we’ve already watched this movie. If you’re reading this, future me, you have, and don’t subject yourself to it again.

13
Feb
25

Roadhouse Remake (2024)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Rules, Spin-off or sequel and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: ,

Date Watched: 2/13/25

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal

Plot: Ex-UFC fighter Dalton takes a job as a bouncer at a Florida Keys roadhouse, only to discover that this paradise is not all it seems.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • JG has shirt off
  • JG stupid grin, especially if mentioned
  • Say Roadhouse
  • JG breaks bones
  • Talk about how far away the hospital is

Quotes:

  • After getting stabbed… “Where’re you going?  You’re not going to take your knife?”
  • Q: “Is he a friend of yours?”  A: “No, I just broke his arm.”
  • Q: “What are you whittling”.  A: “A Stick”.  Q2: “What’s it going to be?”  A2: “A smaller stick.”
  • Statement: “This piano is out of tune”. Response: “Sounds pretty good to me.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I thought we might need more rules than just JG with his shirt off and them saying Roadhouse, but it just keeps happening.”
  • “Why is this bar full or degenerates?  Oh right, it’s Florida.”

Things We Learned:

  • After you beat people up, you should be nice and take them to hospital while playing Kokomo.
  • Crocs hide their dead bodies in the Florida Keys.
  • It’s hard to ride motorcycles in South Florida without a group.
  • A concussion can really mess up your memory.  It also takes two minutes for a memory to get to long term memory.

Final Take:

This was actually a pretty good remake!  It can’t beat the original, which is an all-time classic, but it did well for itself.  (i.e., you don’t have Swayze ripping out throats, but JG handles himself surprisingly well.)  There was a good mix of violence and absurdity.  I’ve heard there’s a sequel in the works, which sounds good too.  Fun watch. 

08
Jan
25

Frankie Freako (2024)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Frankie Freako (2024) - IMDb

Viewing Date: 1/8/26

Starring: Conor Sweeney, Adam Brooks, Kristy Wordsworth

Plot:

Workaholic yuppie Conor is in an existential rut until one night he catches a bizarre ad for a party hotline hosted by a strange dancing goblin: Frankie Freako. Could this be just the recipe to spice up his boring life? (via IMDB)

Rules

  • “Frankie Freako”
  • “Shabadoo”
  • “Boink”
  • Mechanical robot arms (is that redundant?
  • A Freako says a pun

Quotes

  • “That part where you were sweating and screaming the whole time”
  • “I always knew this would happen…”
  • “Concubine? What that is?”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Is that a shoulder penis?”

What We Learned

  • Fart soda can be used as gasoline
  • If you keep giant jugs of glue in your home be careful- if it spills on you, you are stuck / trapped forever
  • Destroying your house in the name of ‘loosening up’ is totally worth it
  • Frankie Freako is a Christmas movie

Final Take

A lot of weird stuff going on here and it takes a while to get into the groove of the absurdity. Is this a drug induced hallucination for the main character? Is his manager at work a villain or friend? About mid way through it all starts to make sense by not making sense and was quite enjoyable. Even the “twist” payoff at the end works.

3.5/5 Fart Sodas

03
Jan
25

Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ,
http://www.allwallpapersfree.org

Viewing Date: 1/2/2025

Starring: Andrew Bowser (from Youtube?)

Plot

Fledgling occultist Onyx and a group of worshipers attend a once-in-a-lifetime ritual at their idol BARTOK THE GREAT’S mansion.(via IMDB)

Rules

  • “Onyx”
  • Getting bullied
  • Onyx goes into his lunchbox
  • “Abbadon”

Quotes

  • “Mama always said… too mooch juice and the beast gets loose.”
  • “I’ll stick to my tiny wines.”
  • “I’m just a fat fucking fat fucking virgin.”
  • “Oh well, I dreamt I didn’t fuck anybody last night, so I guess we all had pretty fortuitous dreams.”
  • “What does it say about the virgin? That he has the power to cradle his flacid wee wee in his hands and cry for hours on end?”
  • “Sorry, when I get nervous I start singing Fievel.”
  • “Who’s to say what any of us are in this twisted palace built of riddle and rhyme?”

Viewer Quotes

  • “The picture is him pregnant with women around him barfing?”

What We Learned

  • Michael Bay directed Meatloaf’s video “I would do anything for love”.
  • ALF’s real name was Gordon Shumway.
  • Shit quick else be deemed unworthy.

Final Take

Not bad. Not bad at all. I didn’t have any exposure or foreknowledge of this Onyx character, which I guess might have gotten started as a series of viral videos on Youtube. Even without that, this was pretty entertaining. The Onyx character was just as realized as someone like Earnest or Pee Wee Herman. I think there could be a whole series of them. The supporting characters were good and the drinking rules paid off in spades, especially “Abbadon”. It’s definitely a full recommendation from us here at BMT.

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

05
Dec
24

Double Team (1997)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Assassins, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it

Viewing Date: 12/5/24

Starring: JCVD, Dennis Rodman, Mickey Rourke

Rules

  • JCVD doing the splits
  • Basketball references / puns
  • Dennis Rodman’s hair color changes
  • “Stavros”
  • When the Omega watch gives instructions
  • Jumping from an explosion

Quotes

  • “You’ll be the baddest boy on the block.”
  • “Time to get off the bench. Time to play offense!”
  • “Oops- air ball!”

What We Learned

  • A bathtub, door jamb and a bucket of rocks are all you need for a killer workout
  • A plastic bag is somehow a deadly weapon under water
  • There are a band of cybermonks in Rome that have been doing research for 500 years
  • Don’t use your son as a human shield and then be mad about it when he gets killed

Final Take

Some great action sequences with JCVD and interesting concepts about counter-intelligence and the ‘deep state’, but otherwise a silly plot, bad acting and a lot of mediocrity.

Double Team did capture some of the magic from JCVD’s glory days- the recovery training / escape plan montage in the Colony was a highlight, but otherwise nothing outstanding. The action scenes were especially long with lots of explosions and jumping / diving. There is a particularly odd sequence at the beginning of the movie where Jack Quinn (JCVD) and Stavros (Rourke) and battling it out in the Newborn Unit of a hospital. Not sure if the director thought that that would really raise the stakes of the battle (no adults / personnel / security / police to be found anywhere, just babies), but it was mostly just uncomfortable to watch.

It also felt like there was some kind of back story missing between JCVD and Rourke’s characters. Everything seemed to be personal, but not really explained, other than the involvement of Rourke’s family and their subsequent killing in the beginning of the movie (although Rourke seemed to know it was a trap).

As expected, Rodman is just a sidekick inserted for comic relief. His character is an international arms dealer that only cares for himself, but quickly reveals his heart of gold.

Standard Bad Movie Thursday fare here- you could certainly do worse when looking at the “late career” offerings from JCVD, Seagal, Dolph Lundgren, etc.

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