Archive for the 'Gratuitous Violence' Category

18
Dec
25

Werewolf Santa (2023)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/18/25

Starring: There was apparently a dude from Teen Wolf.

Plot: Santa turns into a Werewolf on Christmas Eve.

Rules:

  • General Britisisms
  • Say “Happy Christmas”
  • Disembowelments

Quotes:

  • “He’s in a band called I Piss on Your Soul.”
  • “Oh my God, I saw a penis.”
  • “Rupert, go deep throat an ice cream cone.”
  • “Rupert, I can feel when the camera is on my arse.”
  • “I have a dead tramp’s eyeball on my car.”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Why are they in a haunted house?”
  • “I’ve forgotten this movie as we’re literally watching it.”
  • “This is how I want to go out… screaming at my daughter asking her to kill me.”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to do something in your life to earn having bright red hair.
  • Santa has a cheap crappy sleigh.
  • Doggers are couples who like swinging in the woods.
  • If you kill the alpha werewolf first, then all the others will turn back.

Final Take:

Between the bubble machine that randomly shoots bubbles to look like snow and Santa’s sleigh that looks like a cardboard box with a dollar store set of Xmas lights on it, this movie really spares all expense.  It wasn’t terrible, but there are some scenes with not much going on that brings everything to a crawl.  I wouldn’t say I’d avoid it, but I can’t recommend it either.

06
Nov
25

Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cults, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Hillbillies, Murdered teenagers, Nudity, Revenge and Rules
Tags: , , , , ,

Date Watched: 11/6/25

Starring: One of the bad guys from Cliffhanger

Plot: A kindly old grandfather is actually the leader of a murderous satanic cult which sacrifices its victims on Halloween.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Jack-O-Lantern”
  • Halloween cliches
  • Showing ASL “I love you” sign
  • Product placement
  • Flashbacks

Quotes:

  • “Your hand is so cold…” said while grabbing a dead man’s hand by mistake while making out at a cemetery on top of a freshly dug grave and not realizing it.
  • “The power is the blood!”
  • To a cop: “Sometime when you’re off duty, I’d love to pull your trigger.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Are these credits over… nope.  Wow, these are long.”
  • “Is this the pumpkin man?”
  • “Is this a Bollywood movie about Halloween?”
  • “Is that girl a salad?”  (About a girl wearing a salad hat costume.)
  • “That standup comedian was the worst.”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way home is right through the cemetery.

Final Take:

This is a solid crappy Halloween movie.  There’s a lot going on from the “kindly” grandfather to literally one of the worst stand up comics I’ve ever seen.  Highly bizarre and highly watchable… it’s worth checking out.

03
Apr
25

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

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Categories: Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Revenge, Spin-off or sequel and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , ,

Date Watched: 4/3/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell and the bad guy from Goonies and License to Kill

Plot: A supernatural, maniac killer cop teams up with a Times Square serial killer.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Product placement
  • Someone says maniac or psycho (or crazy or nuts or lunatic)
  • Trash on the street
  • Replaying scenes from first movie

Quotes:

  • “So, you can take your Carl Jeung and Sigmund Freud and shove them up your ass.”
  • “This whole city is freaking out about this maniac cop.”
  • “Who the f$ck are you? Barbara Walters?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “How dare this movie try and take itself seriously?”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to speak to a maniac cop in order to positively identify him.
  • Maniac Cop makes friends with low level criminals and stripper killers.
  • Maniac Cop doesn’t need to open doors.  He just walks through them.

Final Take:

The challenge here is that we thought that this sequel would be crazier and more over the top than the original.  Instead, this movie takes itself seriously, and it doesn’t quite live up to it’s potential.  There’s no reason for a movie about a Maniac Cop to ground itself with believability and with solid character actors putting in reputable performances.  The action is good, and the stunts are fantastic. 

13
Feb
25

Roadhouse Remake (2024)

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Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Rules, Spin-off or sequel and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: ,

Date Watched: 2/13/25

Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal

Plot: Ex-UFC fighter Dalton takes a job as a bouncer at a Florida Keys roadhouse, only to discover that this paradise is not all it seems.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • JG has shirt off
  • JG stupid grin, especially if mentioned
  • Say Roadhouse
  • JG breaks bones
  • Talk about how far away the hospital is

Quotes:

  • After getting stabbed… “Where’re you going?  You’re not going to take your knife?”
  • Q: “Is he a friend of yours?”  A: “No, I just broke his arm.”
  • Q: “What are you whittling”.  A: “A Stick”.  Q2: “What’s it going to be?”  A2: “A smaller stick.”
  • Statement: “This piano is out of tune”. Response: “Sounds pretty good to me.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I thought we might need more rules than just JG with his shirt off and them saying Roadhouse, but it just keeps happening.”
  • “Why is this bar full or degenerates?  Oh right, it’s Florida.”

Things We Learned:

  • After you beat people up, you should be nice and take them to hospital while playing Kokomo.
  • Crocs hide their dead bodies in the Florida Keys.
  • It’s hard to ride motorcycles in South Florida without a group.
  • A concussion can really mess up your memory.  It also takes two minutes for a memory to get to long term memory.

Final Take:

This was actually a pretty good remake!  It can’t beat the original, which is an all-time classic, but it did well for itself.  (i.e., you don’t have Swayze ripping out throats, but JG handles himself surprisingly well.)  There was a good mix of violence and absurdity.  I’ve heard there’s a sequel in the works, which sounds good too.  Fun watch. 

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

24
Oct
24

Night of the Demons (1988)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 10/24/24

Starring: People from low budget horror movies

Plot:

Ten teenagers party at an abandoned funeral parlor on Halloween night. When an evil force awakens, demonic spirits keep them from leaving and turn their gathering into a living Hell. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Saying “Halloween” or “Trick or Treat”
  • Trendy 80’s things
  • Say “Creep” or “Creepy”

Quotes:

  • “Happy Halloween asshole!”
  • “Wow, bodacious boobs sis.”
  • “Do you guys have sour balls?… Too bad, I bet you don’t get many bjs.”
  • Q: “Do you guys want one?” A: “Ma, they look like sun dried poodle turds.”
  • “Captain dingleberry the flaming asshole of Transylvania.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Was that a Rainbow Bright costume?”
  • “Who is the star of this movie?  I hate all of these people.”

Things We Learned:

  • The noise, the stink, and the chill means that there’s a demon afoot.
  • You can eat a bunch of razor blades and not realize it until they’re in your throat.
  • Lipstick can be shoved into an unnatural spot.

Final Take:

Apparently, this movie has a cult following, and there were two sequels and a remake (with Shannon Elizabeth and Edward Furlong?!). I can see why. It’s cheesy 80’s trash, but there’s enough weirdness and humor here that adds a certain level of charm. Also, most movies of this pedigree I immediately forget about by the next day, but this one has a number of memorable moments.

There’s an infamous lipstick scene that even in 2024 is a bit of a shock to see. A fun fact is that when the actress went in to get the prosthetics done for it, she met the special effects artist, and they later married. Definitely a unique way to meet and adds some context to that scene.

For lovers of B Movie 80’s horror, I’d recommend it.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

04
Jan
24

Uncle Peckerhead (2020)

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Categories: Gory and Gratuitous Violence

Viewing Date: Jan 4, 2024

Starring: David Littleton, Chet Siegel, David Bluvband

Plot: The members of the band Duh (Judy, Max, and Mel) have all quit their jobs and are ready to embark on their first tour. The first roadblock on their journey is the fact that their van was repossessed. Desperate for a vehicle, the band placed flyers on every van in town asking to use it for their tour. One van is occupied by one Uncle Peckerhead (or “Peck” as he is known to his friends) who offers to drive the band and be their roadie. However, it turns out that Peck turns into a man-eating monster for thirteen minutes every night at midnight. (via Wikipedia)

Rules

  • Alliteration band names
  • “Roadie”
  • “Peckerhead”
  • Cassette tapes

Quotes

  • “I feel like we all need an Uncle Peckerhead in our lives”
  • “Be sure to piss and shit all over when you’re in there.” “Roger that!”
  • “Aren’t you afraid he could turn on one of us?” “He seems to have a system in place…”
  • “My mixes rules. Your mixes hunk.”

What We Learned

  • Demons can be good guys (until they aren’t)
  • Demons can get explosive diarrhea based on who they eat
  • The best way to find a van and/or roadie is just put flyers on cars
  • The best way to brush your teeth is with someone taking a shit next to you- and a courtesy flush.

Final Take

This movie was a nice little surprise. It had some decent acting with goofy character and some genuinely funny parts. Feels like a movie that my friends and I would have tried to make in high school, which I guess is a compliment.

12
Oct
23

Renfield (2023)

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Categories: Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nic Cage and Rules
Tags: , ,

Date Watched: 10/12/23

Starring: Nic Cage, Nicholas Hoult

Plot:

Renfield, Dracula’s henchman and inmate at the lunatic asylum for decades, longs for a life away from the Count, his various demands, and all of the bloodshed that comes with them. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Gratuitous violence
  • Renfield eating bugs
  • Renfeld gets disembowled
  • References to ska
  • Every time they say “f%ck you” to Kyle

Quotes:

  • “Master are you ok?”  (As he’s burning) … “No”
  • “But he’s also really into ska.”
  • “I’ve got a prescription for this sh%t!”  (While carrying kilos of cocaine.)
  • “Doug is trash!”
  • “Can you order a number three?”… “The toilet just ordered a number two.”
  • “Did I watch you cut a guy’s arms off with a decorative serving platter?”
  • “Rebecca is this your boyfriend?”… “Shut the f%ck up Kyle!”
  • I don’t want your murder cookies.

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This is fantastic!”

Things We Learned:

Dracula’s blood heals people.  Just like health insurance.

Final Take:

This movie was a lot of fun. Everyone seemed to be in on the joke, and Nic Cage was great as always. I’m glad that they went for it with the over the top gore. It’s recommended.

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