Posts Tagged ‘Bad Movie

05
Feb
26

Attack of the Killer Donuts (2016)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Murdered teenagers, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 2/5/26

Starring: A guy who does Speed Stick commercials, the girl from The Flash, and a bit of C. Thomas Howell

Plot: A chemical accident turns ordinary donuts into blood thirsty killers. Now it’s up to Johnny, Michelle and Howard to save their sleepy town from…Killer Donuts.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Show Dandy Donuts sign
  • Donuts eating someone

Quotes:

  • “Please never enter my lair when my door is locked.”
  • “Damn that acid is kicking in.”
  • While having sex… “You’re the clam in my chowder baby.”
  • “You’re not remotely disturbed by the fact that I just hit this guy with my car at 60 miles an hour, he survived, looked like a zombie, then shat his guts out, glowing green radioactive shit, in case you guys missed that part, before plopping over and dropping dead?”
  • “Ball on fire man!  Ball on fire!”
  • “Just give us enough pink stuff to kill the donuts.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Why is this scene happening at all?”
  • “Getting eaten by a donut… it’s a terrible way to go.”

Things We Learned:

  • Donuts have a random eject button from the fryer, and the donuts come out fully glazed.
  • Donuts can drive a car.

Final Thought:

It was ok.  It definitely owes a lot to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes”.  So, it’s got that going for it.  It also has C. Thomas Howell, which is another bonus.  But it doesn’t really go over the top with the potential it has.

18
Dec
25

Werewolf Santa (2023)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/18/25

Starring: There was apparently a dude from Teen Wolf.

Plot: Santa turns into a Werewolf on Christmas Eve.

Rules:

  • General Britisisms
  • Say “Happy Christmas”
  • Disembowelments

Quotes:

  • “He’s in a band called I Piss on Your Soul.”
  • “Oh my God, I saw a penis.”
  • “Rupert, go deep throat an ice cream cone.”
  • “Rupert, I can feel when the camera is on my arse.”
  • “I have a dead tramp’s eyeball on my car.”

Viewer quotes:

  • “Why are they in a haunted house?”
  • “I’ve forgotten this movie as we’re literally watching it.”
  • “This is how I want to go out… screaming at my daughter asking her to kill me.”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to do something in your life to earn having bright red hair.
  • Santa has a cheap crappy sleigh.
  • Doggers are couples who like swinging in the woods.
  • If you kill the alpha werewolf first, then all the others will turn back.

Final Take:

Between the bubble machine that randomly shoots bubbles to look like snow and Santa’s sleigh that looks like a cardboard box with a dollar store set of Xmas lights on it, this movie really spares all expense.  It wasn’t terrible, but there are some scenes with not much going on that brings everything to a crawl.  I wouldn’t say I’d avoid it, but I can’t recommend it either.

28
Aug
25

My Name is Bruce (2007)

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Categories: Assassins, Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Knock-Offs, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 8/28/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell (duh)

Plot: Mistaken for his character Ash from the ‘Evil Dead’ trilogy, Bruce Campbell is forced to fight a real monster in a small Oregon town.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Bruce Campbell”
  • References to old Bruce movies
  • Say “Quan Di”

Quotes:

  • “I love beer”
  • “Light me, don’t fight me”
  • “Liquor please!”
  • “Oh hey, a MILF is a MILF”
  • “Sleep with the scorpions, bitch!”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Did Bruce Campbell write this for himself?”
  • “Is this movie just a rip-off of Three Amigos?”

Things We Learned:

  • In Oregon people are always eating bean curd.

Final Take:

This was a mixed bag.  There’s definitely some funny parts, and Bruce Campbell is endlessly watchable, but it’s really hit or miss.  If you like BC, then you’ll likely find this enjoyable if not memorable.  For anyone else, I’d likely skip it.

22
May
25

Poolboy: Drowing Out the Fury (2011)

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Categories: Assassins, Bad Movies, God Awful, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , ,

Date watched: (5/22/25)

Starring: Kevin Sorbo and Danny Trejo and a little bit of Jason Mewes (who must have lost a bet)

Plot: A man returns to California to be a pool cleaner after an eternity of fighting in Vietnam. But it’s been taken over by Mexicans and one of them murdered his family. He settles it the only way he knows.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Say “Poolboy”
  • Filmmaker narration scenes
  • Kevin Sorbo saying terrible stuff

Quotes:

  • “Maybe I’ll dress up as a scarecrow and watch you sleep with my wife”
  • ‘It’s just… f*ck you Alexander Graham Bell.”
  • “What did you bring me his arm for anyway?  You should have brought me his d*ck.”
  • “Why are you making mashed potatoes with dildos?”
  • “I don’t want to die in stock footage?”
  • “I sh*t enchiladas and piss Horchata.”
  • “I could buttplug a double quarter pounder right now.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “What is this f*cking movie?”
  • “What is going on here?”
  • “Is Kevin Sorbo 69ing a blow-up doll?”

Things We Learned:

  • Will Smith made Pat Morita die in real life.
  • You can get a handjob from a clown… and it’s a sexual awakening.
  • Wang Chung will license Dance Hall Days for any purpose… including this movie.

Final Take:

This movie is purposely terrible.  The acting, plot, etc. is awful.  That part mostly works and is generally funny.  It also ventures into being so racist and offensive that it tries to become satire, which is a harder needle to thread.  Its relentless offensiveness will be off-putting for most audiences, and it becomes tedious and too much at times.  (Especially so the lines delivered by Sorbo.  I don’t know how to accurately describe him with his terrible hot takes, but I just saw him called an “underemployed crabapple”, so let’s go with that.) 

I would be curious to know what Danny Trejo thinks about Poolboy today.  He’s a hugely likeable star and seemingly a good dude too.  On the other hand, he probably doesn’t give too sh*ts about this movie or even remembers it out of the hundreds he’s made.

Some funny stuff.  Some overly offensive and tedious stuff.  Proceed at your own peril.

03
Apr
25

Maniac Cop 2 (1990)

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Categories: Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Revenge, Spin-off or sequel and Well known actors slumming it
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Date Watched: 4/3/25

Starring: Bruce Campbell and the bad guy from Goonies and License to Kill

Plot: A supernatural, maniac killer cop teams up with a Times Square serial killer.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Product placement
  • Someone says maniac or psycho (or crazy or nuts or lunatic)
  • Trash on the street
  • Replaying scenes from first movie

Quotes:

  • “So, you can take your Carl Jeung and Sigmund Freud and shove them up your ass.”
  • “This whole city is freaking out about this maniac cop.”
  • “Who the f$ck are you? Barbara Walters?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “How dare this movie try and take itself seriously?”

Things We Learned:

  • You have to speak to a maniac cop in order to positively identify him.
  • Maniac Cop makes friends with low level criminals and stripper killers.
  • Maniac Cop doesn’t need to open doors.  He just walks through them.

Final Take:

The challenge here is that we thought that this sequel would be crazier and more over the top than the original.  Instead, this movie takes itself seriously, and it doesn’t quite live up to it’s potential.  There’s no reason for a movie about a Maniac Cop to ground itself with believability and with solid character actors putting in reputable performances.  The action is good, and the stunts are fantastic. 

19
Dec
24

Black Friday (2021)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Knock-Offs, Mutants, Rules, Washed up actors and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 12/19/24

Starring: Devon Sawa (aka guy from Final Destination and Idle Hands but older now), Michael Jai White, Bruce Campbell, Ivana Baquero, Seth Green’s voice

Plot:

A group of toy store employees must protect each other from a horde of parasite infected shoppers.  (From IMDb)

Rules:

  • Jump scares
  • Say “Toys”
  • Say “Green Friday”

Quotes:

  • “Bathroom… I’m parking a Buick man.”
  • “No one gives a flying f$ck about your training or plaques Anita.”
  • “You park that Buick?”
  • “That’s some dark sh$t man.”
  • “My ears hurt from listening to Air Supply 50,000 times.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Didn’t that actor have a moment in Final Destination and Idle Hands?”
  • “Anita gets it (aka dies), and I couldn’t be happier.”
  • “I like Ruth.”

Things We Learned:

  • Washing your hands at work in a toy store is cause to be fired.
  • There’s always enough time to have one more beer.

Final Take:

Likable cast, decent, not super memorable. This one definitely isn’t a classic BMT, and I had to watch the trailer again on IMDB to even remember it. I think we enjoyed it for what it was, which is a bad holiday movie. I think they needed to add a bit more humor. I don’t have many quotes captured, and I don’t think I missed a lot. Bruce Campbell was good in a side role.

Fun Facts: This movie was based on a discarded 1994 Power Rangers script. Also, Seth Green randomly appears as a voice in this movie. He previously costarred with Devon Sawa in Idle Hands.

24
Oct
24

Night of the Demons (1988)

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Categories: Bad Movies, Cult Classic, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 10/24/24

Starring: People from low budget horror movies

Plot:

Ten teenagers party at an abandoned funeral parlor on Halloween night. When an evil force awakens, demonic spirits keep them from leaving and turn their gathering into a living Hell. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Saying “Halloween” or “Trick or Treat”
  • Trendy 80’s things
  • Say “Creep” or “Creepy”

Quotes:

  • “Happy Halloween asshole!”
  • “Wow, bodacious boobs sis.”
  • “Do you guys have sour balls?… Too bad, I bet you don’t get many bjs.”
  • Q: “Do you guys want one?” A: “Ma, they look like sun dried poodle turds.”
  • “Captain dingleberry the flaming asshole of Transylvania.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Was that a Rainbow Bright costume?”
  • “Who is the star of this movie?  I hate all of these people.”

Things We Learned:

  • The noise, the stink, and the chill means that there’s a demon afoot.
  • You can eat a bunch of razor blades and not realize it until they’re in your throat.
  • Lipstick can be shoved into an unnatural spot.

Final Take:

Apparently, this movie has a cult following, and there were two sequels and a remake (with Shannon Elizabeth and Edward Furlong?!). I can see why. It’s cheesy 80’s trash, but there’s enough weirdness and humor here that adds a certain level of charm. Also, most movies of this pedigree I immediately forget about by the next day, but this one has a number of memorable moments.

There’s an infamous lipstick scene that even in 2024 is a bit of a shock to see. A fun fact is that when the actress went in to get the prosthetics done for it, she met the special effects artist, and they later married. Definitely a unique way to meet and adds some context to that scene.

For lovers of B Movie 80’s horror, I’d recommend it.

11
Jul
24

Dark Angel aka I Come in Peace (1990)

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Categories: Aliens, Bad Movies, Cult Classic, God Awful, Gory, Gratuitous Violence, Rules and Well known actors slumming it
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Date Watched: 7/11/24

Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Brian Benben

Plot:

Jack Caine (Dolph Lundgren) is a Houston vice cop who’s forgotten the rule book. His self-appointed mission is to stop the illegal drugs trade and its number one supplier Victor Manning. Whilst involved in an undercover operation to entrap Manning, his partner gets killed, and a sinister newcomer enters the scene. Along with F.B.I. agent Lawrence Smith, the two investigate a spate of mysterious deaths; normal non-junkies dying of massive heroin overdoses and bearing the same horrific puncture marks on the forehead. This, coupled with Caine’s own evidence, indicates an alien force is present on the streets of Houston, killing and gathering stocks of a rare drug found only in the brain. Caine is used to fighting the toughest of criminals, but up to now they’ve all been human. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Says “I come in peace”
  • Christmas stuff
  • Dolph Lundgren counting
  • Anytime one cop is at odds with the other because one is by the book and the other is a loose cannon
  • Dolph Lundgren promises things or people talk about his promises

Quotes:                                                                                                    

  • Q: “What university did you attend?”… A: “The university of suck my d$ck.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “Ron Fury, John Turtle, Jan Hammer… There’s a lot of fantastic names in this.”

Things We Learned:

  • A duck and roll is the best way to enter any building.
  • Dolph Lundgren never breaks a promise.
  • The best way to stop a CD that kills people is a speaker.

Final Take:

There’s a lot to like here from Dolph Lundgren to Brian Benben (from the TV Show “Dream On”). The movie’s setup with a drug dealing alien is ridiculously silly, as is his spinning CD that kills people. The movie is sometimes called “Dark Angel”, but in the U.S. it was named “I Come In Peace”. It should really be known as the latter, because it sets up one of the best final kill lines I’ve ever heard. (e.g., “Let off some steam” from Commando.)

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

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Categories: Bad CGI, Bad Movies, God Awful, Gratuitous Violence, Postapocalyptic and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.

18
Jan
24

Bigfoot’s Wild Weekend (2012)

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Categories: Bad Movies, God Awful, Hillbillies, Nudity and Rules
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Date watched: 1/18/24

Starring: Bigfoot

Plot:

A tabloid reporter makes a shocking cryptozoological discovery while investigating a recent rash of Bigfoot sightings in this comedy featuring beer, bikinis, and the wildest party animal you’ve ever met.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Drinking booze
  • Footprints
  • Say Bigfoot or sasquatch
  • Mention loins

Quotes:

  • In response to what the hick is going to do when he captures bigfoot = “I’m going to take the missus out and get some egg rolls and spaghetti.”
  • “Personally, I think I’m going to bed, and I think all of that is a bunch of crap.”
  • “That guy’s nuttier than a ton of squirrel poop.”
  • “If you have to shave a hundred monkeys and then glue their fur to a homeless dude to get the picture… then do it!”
  • “You feel like playing sunbather and panty thief?”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “I keep waiting for bigfoots wild weekend.”
  • “There’s been very little bigfoot and very little wild weekend.”
  • “What’s the wrong end of the urinal?”

Things We Learned:

  • The best way to go camping is straight from running on the track without changing or getting camping stuff.
  • The best way to lure bigfoot is to drink beer and take your top off… Or get toasty (aka high) and invite him in.

Final Take:

It starts off well enough, but then Bigfoot disappears for a long period of time. Other characters are introduced and then never seen again. It doesn’t do nearly enough with the premise. So, skippable.

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