Bad Movie Thursday

Viewing Date: 3/5/2015

Plot: If the worst day of your life consisted of accidentally killing your girlfriend with an axe, chain-sawing your own arm off, and watching in horror as your closest friends were devoured by a zombified Nazi battalion, you’d have to assume that things couldn’t get much worse. In Martin’s case, that was only the beginning. (via IMDB)

Starring: Some Norwegians

Rules

• Waking the dead / turning someone into a zombie
• say “zombie”, x2 for “zombie squad”
• Dismemberment / disembowelment
• Star Wars references

Quotes

“I have chocolate.  I could get it for you.  It’s double-triple fudge.”

“Didn’t we agree to be more casual around here?”

“I was expecting Hoth, but this is more Endor.”

“It would be easier if you could buy weapons here.” “Yeah.  What the fuck is wrong with this country?”

“Don’t hurt me!  I have two kittens!”

“What are you talking about?!” “It’s Satan’s arm.  It’s a long story.”

“We’re fucking nerds.  That’s what we do….  Technical shit.”

“What did the forensic team say?” “That’s not the forensic team, that’s Tim Ollie.  They dressed in all white today.  They thought it would look more professional.”

“I didn’t know there was supposed to be an ugly face convention in town.  Come get me if you dare.”

“What the hell is going on?  Is there a carnival in town?”

Viewer Quotes

“They have violated every rule.”

What We Learned

• There are Nazi zombie doctors can reattach limbs
• You can siphon gas with someone’s intestines
• You can hide from nazi zombies by posing as a mannequin
• The best way to counter an evil Nazi zombie army is with a slightly less-evil Russian zombie army
• A seagull translator would be invaluable to police detectives

Final Take

This movie was fantastic!  We enjoyed the first one as being a better-than-average zombie horror comedy, but this one was a serious step up.  The production value went up, it was in English (Norweigian dubbing didn’t really hurt the first one though), and they broke all of the unwritten rules of going over the top in horror movies.  Multiple murders of handicapped people, children, women with baby strollers- but in a funny way (can I say that?)…  Absolutely ridiculous, but the dialogue was spot on and had funnier parts than most comedys coming out these days.  The guy who played the museum employee nailed it.  This will likely go in as one of the top 10 most enjoyable bad movie Thursday films so far.

Date Watched: 2/26/15

Starring: Lance Guest, Robert Preston

Plot: A video-gaming boy, seemingly doomed to stay at his trailer park home all his life, finds himself recruited as a gunner for an alien defense force.  Every video gaming boy’s secret hope.

Rules

• “Starfighter”
• Iconic 80’s images
• “Ko-Dan”
• Centauri speaks in the third person.
• That thing closing over the alien’s eye

Quotes

• “Shifting into star drive at Columba Zeta.  Hold tight.”
• “Not even your mighty starfighters will be able to save you.”
• “What if the Wright brothers thought that only birds should fly?  And did Galoka think that the Utils were too ugly to save?”
• “An exact duplicate of you only not as loud.”
• “Where’d it go?”  –  “It’s still there.  Suspended in the Xenon mist.  It’s only visible when you look dead ahead.”
• “Terrific.  I’m about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung ho iguana.”
• “I’ve locked it’s beamer frequency so it can’t report back to the armada.”
• “A mobile cave that never went anywhere?  Fascinating.”
• “We’re locked into the moon’s gravitational pull.  What do we do?”  –  “We die.”
• “Alex, what is all this?”  –  “I’ve been to another planet, Ma.”

Viewer Quotes

• “You think all these old people give a shit about this video game?”
• “This is the best thing you can hope for your son, that something like this will happen in his lifetime.”
• “Now he just needs to drill this chick, then come out and get high fives from everyone.”
• “In typical 80’s fashion, the one hot chick has no boobs.”
• “Wow, that looks terrible.  Is this still the video game graphics we’re watching?  I think the original playstation has better graphics than this.”
• “Is that Will Ferrell?”
• “Wouldn’t you have wanted to move the base, knowing that there’s someone that wants to kill you all and knows exactly where the base is?”
• “You can’t stay on Rylos with Centauri and Grigg.”
• “So anybody could have been a Starfighter.  It took no skill.”

What We Learned

• People are all white balding men on Rylos.  Even the women.
• All aliens are humanoid, with arms, legs and heads.  But of course Star Trek taught us that.
• Earth isn’t at war with anyone except themselves.
• Don’t bother learning to be a good starfighter.  It all comes down to the death blossom in the end.
• Aliens don’t die.
• Betas make terrible stand-ins.  At the first sign of trouble they’ll fold and admit they’re a beta.

Final Take:  Nothing like a little nostalgia.  This movie is supposed to be a grand epic, but it’s really pretty simple.  It’s fun if you have fond memories of it from watching it as a child like I do, but it’s definitely not an instant classic.  I don’t think any of those actors went on to anything else after that movie, so that might tell you something.  It’s fine. You’ll like it.  Just don’t expect to remember it a week from now.

Date Watched:  2/19/15

Rewatch: 1/23/25  We didn’t all enjoy the masterpiece that is Division III the first time around, so we decided for a rewatch ten years later.  We were also curious as to why this post is one of the most popular on our illustrious blog.

Starring:  Andy Dick

Plot: This ensemble comedy follows the Pullham University Bluecocks, a small liberal arts college with a Division III football program (the lowest division in the NCAA). When the head coach unexpectedly dies, the future of the flailing football program is in jeopardy, as they have not had a winning season in decades. In a desperate attempt to create some media attention for the athletic program and the university, President Georgia Anne Whistler hires known lunatic and felon, Coach Rick Vice, for what could be the football programs final season. Vice, an overly aggressive redneck racist, quickly becomes the team’s and athletic director’s worst nightmare. Vice especially butts heads with Mitch DePrima, a reluctant quarterback who was drawn to the college thinking he would play ball as a big fish in a small pond, only to find himself riding the bench in his final year. Navigating between an insane coach, meat-head teammates, his male cheerleader roommate and the sexy new sports trainer, Mitch struggles to find himself. But Vices particular brand of unorthodox coaching, may just be the spark that Mitch and the entire team need to turn the program around and become winners!  (From IMDB)

Rules:

• Say “Rick Vice”
• Double Entendre’s
• Cameos
• Shooting guns
• Coach abuses his players
• Coach says “Get Some”
• Not lighting a cigarette
• Bike throwing
• *new* Breaking clipboards

Quotes:

• “It’s like black history month all the time.”
• “I was abused sexually and otherwise.”
• “If you don’t pick up the pace, I’m going to rip off your little peckers and shove them up your mother’s hot pockets, little f$ck and f$cks.”
• “This world is run by greedy self-serving morons.”
• “Why don’t you step up into the gauntlet you bitch nuts.”
• “I don’t care if you like slits or dicks, the best player is playing.”
• To the hot girl – “You got any raisins? How about a date?”
• “What the f$ck are you doing out there? Having a little sewing circle?”
• “You’ll be all be up to your poop shoots and blood and guts in Iran soon anyway.”
• “You’re whining more than Mike Vick’s puppy.”
• “I’ve heard of Sigmund Freud, cause he’s the one that f$cked his mother.”
• “Hello Roy, how long you been sitting there eyeballing and assf$cking me?”
• *new* “Darwinism?  I call it evil-ution.”
• *new* “I’m French Irish.”

Viewer Quotes:

• “Wow, this whole movie is like one big awesome quote.”
• “Are all the college players in this in their 30’s?”
• “Is he drinking from a coffee mug with Hitler on it that says “Fail!”?”

Things we learned:

• Andy Dick is an amazing filmmaker.
• You can snort protein powder like cocaine.

Final Take:  This was a great flick filled with many awesome lines from AD.  We had a great time watching it, and we would definitely recommend Division III to others.  If you are easily offended then this is not the movie for you, but then again Bad Movie Thursday probably isn’t either.

*update*:  Second watch was just as good.  Its an offensive, quotable, pile of garbage, but in the best way.  We’re hoping for a sequel (Division IV?) assuming Andy Dick doesn’t die first.