27
Feb
15

The Last Starfighter

last_starfighter

Date Watched: 2/26/15

Starring: Lance Guest, Robert Preston

Plot: A video-gaming boy, seemingly doomed to stay at his trailer park home all his life, finds himself recruited as a gunner for an alien defense force.  Every video gaming boy’s secret hope.

Rules

  • “Starfighter”
  • Iconic 80’s images
  • “Ko-Dan”
  • Centauri speaks in the third person.
  • That thing closing over the alien’s eye

Quotes

  • “Shifting into star drive at Columba Zeta.  Hold tight.”
  • “Not even your mighty starfighters will be able to save you.”
  • “What if the Wright brothers thought that only birds should fly?  And did Galoka think that the Utils were too ugly to save?”
  • “An exact duplicate of you only not as loud.”
  • “Where’d it go?”  –  “It’s still there.  Suspended in the Xenon mist.  It’s only visible when you look dead ahead.”
  • “Terrific.  I’m about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung ho iguana.”
  • “I’ve locked it’s beamer frequency so it can’t report back to the armada.”
  • “A mobile cave that never went anywhere?  Fascinating.”
  • “We’re locked into the moon’s gravitational pull.  What do we do?”  –  “We die.”
  • “Alex, what is all this?”  –  “I’ve been to another planet, Ma.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “You think all these old people give a shit about this video game?”
  • “This is the best thing you can hope for your son, that something like this will happen in his lifetime.”
  • “Now he just needs to drill this chick, then come out and get high fives from everyone.”
  • “In typical 80’s fashion, the one hot chick has no boobs.”
  • “Wow, that looks terrible.  Is this still the video game graphics we’re watching?  I think the original playstation has better graphics than this.”
  • “Is that Will Ferrell?”
  • “Wouldn’t you have wanted to move the base, knowing that there’s someone that wants to kill you all and knows exactly where the base is?”
  • “You can’t stay on Rylos with Centauri and Grigg.”
  • “So anybody could have been a Starfighter.  It took no skill.”

What We Learned

  • People are all white balding men on Rylos.  Even the women.
  • All aliens are humanoid, with arms, legs and heads.  But of course Star Trek taught us that.
  • Earth isn’t at war with anyone except themselves.
  • Don’t bother learning to be a good starfighter.  It all comes down to the death blossom in the end.
  • Aliens don’t die.
  • Betas make terrible stand-ins.  At the first sign of trouble they’ll fold and admit they’re a beta.

Final Take:  Nothing like a little nostalgia.  This movie is supposed to be a grand epic, but it’s really pretty simple.  It’s fun if you have fond memories of it from watching it as a child like I do, but it’s definitely not an instant classic.  I don’t think any of those actors went on to anything else after that movie, so that might tell you something.  It’s fine. You’ll like it.  Just don’t expect to remember it a week from now.

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