Bad Movie Thursday

Starring: Everyone and their mothers.

Date Watched: 3/7/2013

Plot: A bunch of old dudes find an excuse to hang out together and blow up a bunch of stuff.  They are joined at various times by other old dudes who pop in to say a few lines from their old movies and then disappear.  This is both the plot of the movie and the plot of the making of the movie.

Rules

• References to other movies.
• Way too ridiculousness (subjective: best judgement)
• Head Popping
• Explosions (of course – house rule but called out for excessive use)
• Pictures and references to skulls.
• Stallone changes hats.
• Advanced rule: death by knife
• More advanced: somebody dies

Quotes

• “Whoa whoa whoa whoa.  My big weapon’s hanging right where it is!”
• “For all this male pattern badness I’m going to put you in the deepest darkest hole in Gitmo.”
• “Why is it that the one that wants to live, that deserves to live the most, dies.  And those of us that deserve to die, keep on living?”
• “What’s the plan?”  – “Track ’em, find ’em, kill ’em.”
• “”Let’s beat some info out of these guys and get out of here.  Start with the midget.”
• “Keep it light until it’s time to get dark.  Then it gets pitch black.”
• “I heard a rumor, that you were bitten by a cobra.”  “Yeah, but after 5 days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.”
• “By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you… man and knife.”
• “I’ll be back.”  – “You’ve been back enough…I’ll be back.”  – “Yippee-ki-yay.”

Viewer Quotes

• “They’re out of guns.  Down to knives!”
• “Now they’re in a plane all of a sudden.  How did that happen?”
• “How did he get on there?  People just appear on their vehicles!”
• “They flew all the way to New York in that plane from China.  Alrighty then.”
• “Why can’t you talk, Mr. Stallone?”
• “How’s he getting a phone call out here in the Albanian woods?’
• “Sweet, sweet vengeance is now a requirement.”
• “Oh, you’re an evil son-of-a-bitch, Jean Claude Van Damme.”
• “That is sleep apnea if I’ve ever seen it.”
• “That’s not carving up a turkey, that’s cutting off a man’s head!”
• “Does that mean he made her do it?”

What We Learned

• Sequels can be better than the original.
• Dolph Lundgren is a chemical engineer.
• 5 tons of plutonium is worth 22 billion dollars.
• There’s 1940’s burned out towns in the middle of Albania.
• Chuck Norris will show up when you most need him, single-handedly killing 30 men and blowing up a tank in 20 seconds.

Final Take

This was actually a pretty entertaining movie.  It took the ridulousness of the first movie to a whole new level, which is exactly what I was hoping to see.  Lots of explosions and plenty of blatant callbacks to each stars’ signature roles.  I don’t know if I’d want to see Sylvester Stallone in the next one, though, since he appears to be hitting the old age wall pretty hard.  For that matter, Jean Claude Van Damme didn’t appear too much better.  Despite their appearance, the final climactic battle between them wasn’t too shabby.  As far as Bad Movie Thursday viewing material, this was a win.  I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to other like-minded people looking for an over the top action flick that’s not afraid to laugh at itself.