Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 1/8/15

Starring: Christopher Walken, Jerry O’Connell, Anthony Anderson

Plot: Two childhood friends, a New York hairstylist and a would-be musician, get caught up with the mob and are forced to deliver $50,000 to Australia, but things go haywire when the money is lost to a wild kangaroo.  Way to go, Bruckheimer.

Rules

• Zany chases
• Stock footage (house rule, but just a reminder because this one pays off here)
• “Kangaroo”
• Cartoon sound effects
• Christopher Walken uses a big word
• Kangaroo eats candy

Quotes

• “Her tears are like a plethora to me.  Wait, they’re like anathema to me.  I can’t even talk right now!”
• “I just got my ass kicked by a marsupial.”
• “I put the money in the jacket, and the jacket on the kangaroo, and now he hoppin’ away.”
• “What are these things?”  –  “Termite mounds.  I read about them in the book.”  –  “Careful, Louis, you almost missed one!”
• “If Sal Maggio thinks we stole his money, he’ll kill us, make my mother watch, then make her clean it up!”
• “I think I just sweated out a bottle of yohoo I drank in the eighth grade.”
• “You just complain and whine line a woman.”
• “They’re having a picnic in my shorts and I brought the sweets.”
• “Hey, I had to come all the way down here to the sphincter of the galaxy to straighten out this puked up, fur ball of a mess.  Do not agitate me!”
• “I hate this country like a sickness.”
• “Guilt was the glue that held this friendship together.”
• “We’re having a very intimate non-gay moment.”

Viewer Quotes

• “If there’s a reference to camel toes, we have to drink.”

What We Learned

• Kangaroo Jack is a serious, classically trained actor.
• A kangaroo can outrun a jeap
• Kangaroo Jack does not inspire a lot of viewer quotes.
• The only time Kangaroo Jack speaks is during fever dreams.
• Kangaroos like candy.
• It’s not a good idea to dress an apparently dead kangaroo up in your clothes and take pictures with it.

Final Take

This was a bit funnier than I initially would have thought.  It starts out terrible, with a stupid premise and two awful characters, but it actually starts to grow on you a bit as the movie progresses.  Right at the end, when you’re thinking “Hey, I guess this wasn’t as bad as I’d heard”, it kicks you in the face with 10 minutes of pure sap that it is better just to forget.  I’d recommend watching it, but turn it off before the credits.

Viewing Date: Dec 11, 2014

Plot: A freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished, iconic sites – and only Fin and April can save the Big Apple.

Starring: Ian Ziering, Tara Reid, Kelly Osborne, Mark McGrath, Vivica A. Fox, Andy Dick, Kari Wuhrer

Rules

• Sharknado
• D-List celebrities getting killed.
• “209”
• “Shark”
• A shark eats someones limb / head
• “Finn”

Quotes

• “You should be eating fresh, you know.” – Jared Fogel
• “Take my hand, I’m going to save you.”
• “Frogger.”
• “You know what you just did, didn’t you?”  “Don’t say it.”  “Jumped the shark.”
• “Even the sharknados are tougher in New York.”
• “…shark falling rates of two inches per hour…”
• “Let’s go show them what it means to be a hero.  Let’s go show them what it means to be a New Yorker.  Let’s go kill some sharks!!”
• “Not going to need this again.” (as he tosses aside her previously eaten / severed arm)

Viewer Quotes

• “Tara Reid has old person neck!”
• “They’ve run on ‘a-head’ of the Statue of Liberty tumbling head.”
• “He knows exactly what’s going on.”  “He’s a surfer, after all.”
• “I wish there was more Andy Dick in this movie.”

What We Learned

• Giant crocodiles live in the NY Subways (well, we know that from urban legends).
• Sharknado 2 was brought to you by Coors Light and Subway
• D-Listers come out in droves for Sharnado.”
• Sharks can stay alive airborne in a sharknado for days at a time, and they don’t digest arms / guns that they