09
Jan
15

Kangaroo Jack

kangaroo_jack

Date Watched: 1/8/15

Starring: Christopher Walken, Jerry O’Connell, Anthony Anderson

Plot: Two childhood friends, a New York hairstylist and a would-be musician, get caught up with the mob and are forced to deliver $50,000 to Australia, but things go haywire when the money is lost to a wild kangaroo.  Way to go, Bruckheimer.

Rules

  • Zany chases
  • Stock footage (house rule, but just a reminder because this one pays off here)
  • “Kangaroo”
  • Cartoon sound effects
  • Christopher Walken uses a big word
  • Kangaroo eats candy

Quotes

  • “Her tears are like a plethora to me.  Wait, they’re like anathema to me.  I can’t even talk right now!”
  • “I just got my ass kicked by a marsupial.”
  • “I put the money in the jacket, and the jacket on the kangaroo, and now he hoppin’ away.”
  • “What are these things?”  –  “Termite mounds.  I read about them in the book.”  –  “Careful, Louis, you almost missed one!”
  • “If Sal Maggio thinks we stole his money, he’ll kill us, make my mother watch, then make her clean it up!”
  • “I think I just sweated out a bottle of yohoo I drank in the eighth grade.”
  • “You just complain and whine line a woman.”
  • “They’re having a picnic in my shorts and I brought the sweets.”
  • “Hey, I had to come all the way down here to the sphincter of the galaxy to straighten out this puked up, fur ball of a mess.  Do not agitate me!”
  • “I hate this country like a sickness.”
  • “Guilt was the glue that held this friendship together.”
  • “We’re having a very intimate non-gay moment.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “If there’s a reference to camel toes, we have to drink.”

What We Learned

  • Kangaroo Jack is a serious, classically trained actor.
  • A kangaroo can outrun a jeap
  • Kangaroo Jack does not inspire a lot of viewer quotes.
  • The only time Kangaroo Jack speaks is during fever dreams.
  • Kangaroos like candy.
  • It’s not a good idea to dress an apparently dead kangaroo up in your clothes and take pictures with it.

Final Take

This was a bit funnier than I initially would have thought.  It starts out terrible, with a stupid premise and two awful characters, but it actually starts to grow on you a bit as the movie progresses.  Right at the end, when you’re thinking “Hey, I guess this wasn’t as bad as I’d heard”, it kicks you in the face with 10 minutes of pure sap that it is better just to forget.  I’d recommend watching it, but turn it off before the credits.

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