Bad Movie Thursday

Starring

????

Plot

A platoon of eagle & vultures attack the residence of a small town. Many people died. It’s not known what caused the flying menace to attack. Two people managed to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic? (editor’s note: this was copied from IMDB, spelling/grammatical errors and all.)

Rules

• Pecking of eyes
• Child predicts/points out danger and is hushed.
• Bird poop
• Imagine Peace
• “Hanging out with my family.  Having ourselves a party.”
• CGI Muzzle flash
• “Eagle Attack”
• “Global Warming”

Viewer Quotes

• “Awful intro, so hard to sit through.”
• “You should have to waterfall through this whole terrible opening.”
• “Is this netflix stream quality or editing issues?”
• “Home video alert.”
• “This sound guy will never work in movies again.”
• “Why is everything tilted?”
• “Listen to this song.  Is it a boy going out for his paper route?  Sounds like an 80’s Christmas movie.”
• “If it was filmed in 2010, why does it look like 1992?”
• “See you then???  They didn’t even pick a time or a restaurant!”
• “Where the hell are the birds?  Isn’t this movie about birds?”
• “This Rod guy needs a whole lot less camera time.  Worst. Actor. Ever.”
• “Terrible fake birds.  OMG.  CGI Parrots.”
• “I guess they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, but it really looked like that guy paid for a massage.”
• “A plug-in hybrid mustang?  Where’s this writer from?”
• “Are birds a metaphor for something else?  Where are all the birds?”
• “I can’t believe this is on Netflix.  Netflix has zero standards.”
• “Isn’t this guy a millionaire?  And they’re in a no-tell motel?  Come on.”
• “And now, an awkward diatribe on Global Warming by the old man on the bridge. “
• “Where should we go to get away from these birds?  I know, away from the car and into the woods!”

What We Learned

• Birdemics are unwatchable and require 50 minutes of plot development before birds are introduced.
• Birds explode on impact.
• All birds sound like seagulls and can hover in midair.
• Eagles can cut our lines of communication.
• Ford makes a plug-in 100 MPG mustang hybrid.
• Hangers make the perfect weapon against rogue eagles.
• Eagles and vultures attack by hovering motionless in your face.
• Global Warming causes Bird Flu, Sars, and West Nile Virus, and will result in bird attacks.
• Eagles will sometimes announce their attack, and other times drop down and slit your throat with no warning.
• Gas goes for 100 bucks a gallon during birdemics.
• It all leads back to Global Warming.
• Some exploding eagles are duds.