25
May
12

Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Image

Starring

????

Plot

A platoon of eagle & vultures attack the residence of a small town. Many people died. It’s not known what caused the flying menace to attack. Two people managed to fight back, but will they survive Birdemic? (editor’s note: this was copied from IMDB, spelling/grammatical errors and all.)

Rules

  • Pecking of eyes
  • Child predicts/points out danger and is hushed.
  • Bird poop
  • Imagine Peace
  • “Hanging out with my family.  Having ourselves a party.”
  • CGI Muzzle flash
  • “Eagle Attack”
  • “Global Warming”
Quotes
  • “I’m a fashion model.” – “And a pretty one at that!”
  • “A date without sex is a date wasted, man.”
  • “Besides, I love my mustang, which is a plug-in hybrid.  It gets a hundred MPG.” (what?)
  • “Oh!  Lovers on the moon.”
  • “The eagles killed Becky!”
  • “No I’m sorry, you know.  All phones are dead from the eagle attack.  All phones are dead up here.”
  • “Whoa!  I hear a mountain lion.  That’s my queue to go.  Very nice to meet you.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “Awful intro, so hard to sit through.”
  • “You should have to waterfall through this whole terrible opening.”
  • “Is this netflix stream quality or editing issues?”
  • “Home video alert.”
  • “This sound guy will never work in movies again.”
  • “Why is everything tilted?”
  • “Listen to this song.  Is it a boy going out for his paper route?  Sounds like an 80’s Christmas movie.”
  • “If it was filmed in 2010, why does it look like 1992?”
  • “See you then???  They didn’t even pick a time or a restaurant!”
  • “Where the hell are the birds?  Isn’t this movie about birds?”
  • “This Rod guy needs a whole lot less camera time.  Worst. Actor. Ever.”
  • “Terrible fake birds.  OMG.  CGI Parrots.”
  • “I guess they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, but it really looked like that guy paid for a massage.”
  • “A plug-in hybrid mustang?  Where’s this writer from?”
  • “Are birds a metaphor for something else?  Where are all the birds?”
  • “I can’t believe this is on Netflix.  Netflix has zero standards.”
  • “Isn’t this guy a millionaire?  And they’re in a no-tell motel?  Come on.”
  • “And now, an awkward diatribe on Global Warming by the old man on the bridge. “
  • “Where should we go to get away from these birds?  I know, away from the car and into the woods!”

What We Learned

  • Birdemics are unwatchable and require 50 minutes of plot development before birds are introduced.
  • Birds explode on impact.
  • All birds sound like seagulls and can hover in midair.
  • Eagles can cut our lines of communication.
  • Ford makes a plug-in 100 MPG mustang hybrid.
  • Hangers make the perfect weapon against rogue eagles.
  • Eagles and vultures attack by hovering motionless in your face.
  • Global Warming causes Bird Flu, Sars, and West Nile Virus, and will result in bird attacks.
  • Eagles will sometimes announce their attack, and other times drop down and slit your throat with no warning.
  • Gas goes for 100 bucks a gallon during birdemics.
  • It all leads back to Global Warming.
  • Some exploding eagles are duds.
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