05
Dec
14

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

HanselAndGretel

Date Watched: 12/4/14

Starring: Famke, Renner, and Gemma.

Plot

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world. As the fabled Blood Moon approaches, the siblings encounter a new form of evil that might hold a secret to their past.

Rules

  • “Hansel” or “Gretel”
  • See new Witch (advanced)
  • Gun slung over shoulder
  • “Blood Moon”

Quotes

  • “There’s no use in praying, my friend.  Even your God knows better than to come here.”
  • “Then again, we hunt witches for a living.  What’s normal?”
  • “The only good witch is a dead witch.”
  • “The last time I was in water like this, I was after a formidable serpent witch.  She could breath under water, which make her difficult to track, but she also looked like a toad.”
  • “The house of Adriana, your whore of a mother.”
  • “Whatever you do, don’t eat the fucking candy.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “They’re playing quidditch.  And one of them’s after the snatch!”
  • Troll gets white fungus out of waterfall – “A little lubricant?”
  • “Drink one for the midget witch with no legs.”
  • “Ninja siamese witches – that’s the worst kind!”
  • “He just smacked her ugly.”

What We Learned

  • Witches magic doesn’t work on Hansel or Gretel
  • Witches give people diabetes
  • Witches are susceptible to medieval tazers.
  • Witches are easier to kill when they’re in groups of 100.
  • There are midget legless witches and siamese ninja witches

Final Take

Could have been worse.  It exceeded the expectations.  The gratuitous violence definitely made the movie.  That and the siamese ninja witches and midget with no legs. That’s movie gold.

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