Archive for December 31st, 2014

31
Dec
14

In the Name of the King 3: The Last Job aka The Last Mission (2014)

In the Name of the King 3

Viewing Date:  11/6/14

Plot:

A modern-day assassin, wanting out, is hired for one final job – to kidnap the kids of a local businessman. Things go haywire when it turns out he’s chosen to return to the Middle Ages and bring back order to a kingdom in chaos.  (From IMDB)

Rules:

Bad European child acting

Dragon sightings

People say “dragons”

Fish out of water gags

Every time they mention “the marking”

Anachronisms

Quotes:

“He has the marking.  No one should have the marking.  Where did you get this marking?”

“Now, go on horse.”

“We have brought a stranger.”

“That’s my chair.  Your chair is over there.”

“He speaks like a coward…”  “I bid you adieu.”

“Things change… but people like you never do.”

Viewer Quotes:

“Is this the transporter?”

“Look, the Shaman is making a BBQ rub.”

“I have no emotional investment in this movie whatsoever.”

“That was the movie?”

Things We Learned:

-When you align a European child’s talisman with a hit man’s forearm tattoo, a wormhole opens, and you travel to another dimension with dragons.

-Dragons can eat bullets from handguns.

31
Dec
14

Treasure Raiders (2007)

Treasure Raiders

Viewing Date: 9/11/14

Plot:

An American professor (Brand) teams up with a Russian biker (Nevsky) to search for historical treasures buried in and around Moscow.  (From IMDB)

Starring: David Carradine and Sherilyn Fenn

Rules:

Say “Professor”

Guitar riffs

Rip-offs from other movies

Cars jumping

Cliché Russian names

Say “Wolf”

Quotes:

“I’ve got a hobby that pays a little more.”

“We do not need a new champion.”

“A lot of racers talk the talk, but you my friend talk the talk.”

“I dumped the cocaine in the Moscow river.”

“I want ze money and ze cocaine back!!!”

“Don’t worry baby, you’re safe now.”

“I’m glad our relatives didn’t have any curses.”

Viewer Quotes:

“There’s nothing I like better than non-nude dance clubs.”

“Can committing another crime really be your alibi?”

Things we learned:

-You can leave a street race to go steal money from a drug deal and come back without missing a beat.

-A biography written by a person about that same person can still be considered a biography.




December 2014
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