Archive for the 'Bad CGI' Category

Next Entries »
16
Oct
15

Attila (2013)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Gratuitous Violence and Zombies

attila_theatrical_poster-lowres

Viewing Date: 10/15/2015

Summary: When American soldiers inadvertently steal Attila the Hun’s secret riches, the wrath of the barbarian is awakened; the mummified warrior will stop at nothing to kill the intruders. (via IMDB)

Starring: No one worth mentioning

Rules

  • Crazy scientist chews on a puzzle piece
  • “Staff” or “Stick”
  • Zombie monster kills somebody
  • Someone ineffectively tries to shoot zombie monster

 

Quotes

“You can pry it off, fry it off, or fuck it off.”

“It was stolen from our lab at zero-twelve-hundred hours.”  (zero-twelve-hundred?!)

“Bulldog, are you dead?”  “No Sir.”

Viewer Quotes

“Are these guys the A Team?”  “More like the C team.”

“Hamilton-esque hiccups!”

What We Learned

  • The holy grail was obtained during WWII
  • Nothing can kill the zombie monster and the only thing that can slow it down is karate.
  • The filmmakers seemed to think this movie is good enough to set up sequels
  • There is no purpose to the zombie monster except for murderous rampage
  • The reincarnated son of Attila the Hun has a burned up face, but the rest of his body is fine.

Final Take

Ehh…  The movie didn’t really make sense.  It was a stereotypical movie about an unstoppable monster that an elite (?) squad of soldiers have to take down.  They are all killed, and the general was behind it and had a secret agenda.  We’re still not sure why the zombie was killing everyone…  Skip this one.

24
Jul
15

Big Ass Spider

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Aliens and Bad CGI

bigassspider

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Viewing Date: 7/23/2015

Starring:  Greg Grunberg (from Heroes!), Lin Shaye

Plot

A giant alien spider escapes from a military lab and rampage the city of Los Angeles. When a massive military strike fails, it is up to a team of scientists and one clever exterminator to kill the creature before the city is destroyed. (IMDB)

Rules

  • Spider bites
  • Say “spider”
  • Main character (Alex) hits on a girl
  • Alex hits toy on back of his truck
  • Say “Stage 5”

Quotes

“Like the living dead?”  “No Jose.” “But I like those movies.”

“Did you see the arachnid?”  “I don’t know what you said- I like your pipe.”

“What I saw was 20 inches and black.”  “Oh..  Sounds funny.”

“So we got to shoot the spider in the butt….”

“I’ll see you in hell!!!”

Viewer Quotes

(none- sorry.  This is for us.)

What We Learned

  • Big spiders cause power fluctuations
  • Spiders like shiny objects
    • But it is only to catch bums
  • You kill spiders by shooting them in the butt
  • You don’t have to worry about the alien baby spiders that just hatched.  I’m sure it will be just fine.  Congratulations everyone.

Final Take

Not too bad.  We don’t think it was worthy of the 4.5+ stars on Netflix, but it was an above average bad movie.  Even though he was the stereotypical comic relief, the clear highlight of the move was the sidekick Jose.  He had all the best lines and was the best thing the movie had going.  Of course for a movie like this this you aren’t going to get too caught up with the relationship development or the military response to a crisis of this magnitude, but they could have tried just a little harder.

13
Jun
15

Killer Mermaid / Nymph (2014)

By badmoviethursday Leave a Comment
Categories: Bad CGI, Foreign, Murdered teenagers and Nudity
Tags:

killermermaid

Viewing Date: 5/14/2015

Starring: Some foreigners

Plot: Two young American women go on a Mediterranean vacation and uncover the watery lair of a killer mermaid hidden beneath an abandoned military fortress. What was once a carefree adventure becomes a deadly fight for survival. (from IMDB)

Rules

  • The call of the mermaid (Hunger Games tune)
  • “Cool” music
  • Foreign actors trying too hard to act American
  • Kills by the Fisherman
  • “Mamula”

Quotes

“I’ll bet he knows what you did last summer.”

“He’s a really funny guy.  I’ve known him since forever.”

Viewer Quotes 

“I’ll bet he knows what you did last summer.” (said moments before the actual line in the movie)

“He was really good time guy in college.”

“She looks a little bit like Daniel Day Lewis.”

“This is Daniel Day Lewis’s best role!”

“Do you think the mermaid’s siren song seduces lesbians?”

What We Learned

  • Mermaids have transformative powers and can change into hideous monsters
  • Smacking someone in the face breaks the mermaid’s trance
  • A mermaid’s scream can bring dead people back to life
  • Mermaid trance only affects men
  • The underground tunnel from the secret island does not, in fact, lead back to the mainland.  You still have to row back for some reason.
  • The movie did not have the budget to show the mermaid until 3/4 of the way through the movie.

Final Take

This movie had some decent laughs- mostly unintentional- and spent way too much time building up a love triangle for really no reason.  Most of the movie did not actually put the mermaid in the “killer” role, but rather it was her lover, who played the stereotypical, mute, plodding psychopath.  I guess he was killing people to feed his wife / lover (the mermaid), but a lot of the killing seemed to be just for the sake of killing…  Probably shouldn’t overthink a movie called “Killer Mermaid”.  The climax battle was pretty good, and the final shot of hundreds of mermaids embarking on the city made you wish that is what the movie had actually been about.  I guess we just have to hope for a sequel with more killer mermaids.

Next Entries »
January 2026
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Months

Blogroll

Recent Entries