Bad Movie Thursday

Date Watched: 8/13/15

Starring: Halle Berry

Plot: A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.

Rules

• Halle Berry acting out cat stereotypes
• Bad cat puns
• Flashing eyes
• “Mau”
• “Midnight”
• Terrible CGI

Quotes

• “They say she jumps around like a cat.  What should we call her?  Cat Chick?  No, Cat Broad.”
• “You are Patience…and you are Catwoman.”
• “Resist the urge to date woman born the same day they invented the cell phone.”
• “Game over.” – “Guess what?  It’s overtime!”

Viewer Quotes

• “This is what a cat would do if it became human.”
• “This soundtrack is disturbingly awful.  It is way too distracting.”

Things We Learned

• Cats can resuscitate dead people.
• Being resuscitated by a cat makes you a phenomenal basketball player.
• Catwoman has the worst soundtrack.  Of all time.
• Nobody looks twice at you when you walk into a club with a cat mask on.
• Skinny people can slip right out of jail cells.

Final Take:

Date Watched: 6/25/15

Starring: Adrian Paul, Richard Grieco

Plot: A group of refugees from Earth work to survive on a hostile alien planet.

Rules

• Unspecial effects
• Predator cliches (including invisible people)
• Picking up random people
• “Why should I follow you?”
• Canned sounds

Quotes

• “Couldn’t you find anything bigger?”  –  “It’s bigger than yours.”  –  “That’s what your momma said.”
• “Are you sure this water is safe?  Most of the water on Earth is polluted.”
• “But there’s only two of us, and you’re not my type.”
• “I’d be happy to assist by digging a grave for Hannah.”
• “If we’re going to save humanity, we’ve got to stay human.  We’re going to bury her.”
• “Why should I follow you?”

Viewer Quotes

• “Apparently they found a woman.”
• “That’s why you can never trust short people.”

What We Learned

• When you crash-land on an alien world, rub mud on your face.  It’s common knowledge.
• Signaling with two fingers means “When I duck, throw a knife in this guy’s face.”
• On alien worlds, you can go into nature to collect bottles of water from the trees.
• It’s a good idea to arm yourself with bows but no arrows.  You can find arrows just lying around.
• Real guns can be made to fire electrical pulses.

Final Take: That was basically a made for Sci Fi tv movie.  I remember liking the Highlander TV show back in the day that this Adrian Paul starred in, but he has literally done nothing since then.  Now he’s in this movie and I realize why.  I like living in a world where movies like this still get made, though.  You throw enough crap against the wall and eventually something will stick.  This one did not stick.  Back to the drawing board, Asylum.

Date Watched: 6/11/2015

Starring: Sherilynn Fenn, Lance Henriksen, Richard Norton, Chef

Plot: In an apocalyptic future, a man with extra-human powers goes on the run.

Rules

• “My Child”
• Visions or prophecies of the future.
• Mutant power usage
• Isaac Hayes

Quotes

• “Don’t say perfect.  Don’t tempt God to take him away.”
• “We have to share each other.  Share each other’s spaces.  Passing along our lineage, from loin to loin.”

Viewer Quotes

• “These sound effects are terrible.”
• “Is that a rubber band gun?  Have to get up close with a rubber band gun.”
• “Whoa – she’s a Palpatine!”
• “Come on Movie – give us something here.”
• “It could be nothing more than a freak’s wet dream, but I need to know.”

Things We Learned

• “Don’t be afraid, child” is a good phrase to use to make people feel comfortable when you first meet them.
• Mutant healing powers also wash blood off your skin, cleaning you up real nice.
• It’s pretty easy to switch your car to solar.

Final Take: Pretty boring movie.  Some OK scenes, but we totally lost interest midway through.  You’d think a movie about mutants with super-powers would be a little more interesting.  Turns out no.

Viewing Date: 6/4/2015

Starring: Kirk Cameron

Plot: The Biblical prophecy of Armageddon begins when the Rapture instantly takes all believers in Christ from the Earth. A reporter left behind learns that the Anti-Christ will soon take power. (IMDB)

Rules

• Say “Buck”
• Say “Infotactics”
• Piles o’ clothes
• People praying
• See a bible

Quotes

“I’m going to the UN.  The only place that offers any hope.”

Viewer Quotes:

• “Nic Cage was a kinder, gentler Captain Steele.”

What We Learned

• A Russian is the anti-Christ
• It is hard for most of the unbelievers to repent even after witnessing proof of the rapture (even though lack of proof was the only thing landing them in their current predicament).

Final Take
Well, this is a sparse entry.  I won’t lie.  We lost interest mid-way through and didn’t really pay attention.  The big debate is whether or not this was worse than the recent Nic Cage version.  On the plus side, a lot more happened (different scenes, plot advancement).  On the negative side, there was no action and it was pretty terrible.  We still haven’t lost “faith” in the potential for this series to be bad.  We’ll watch the sequels and hope they keep our attention.