Archive for May, 2024

31
May
24

Crime Zone

Viewing Date: 05/30/24

Starring: David Carradine, Sherilyn Fenn

Plot

Helen and Bone live in a repressive futuristic dystopian society they badly want to escape from. Mysterious Jason hires them to steal a disc for him. It’s practically a suicide mission, but he claims he can smuggle them out, in return.

Rules

  • “Bone”
  • Silly “futuristic” stuff that’s not at all futuristic.
  • “Frodan”
  • “Fuckups”

Quotes

  • “I bet you’re still horny, subgrade. Show me your dick! … Is that your normal size? Not bad.”
  • “My blazing balls.”
  • “Plague zone isn’t contagious, Bone. Ask any whore.”
  • “My only regret is that in my role as prosecutor, I’m not also allowed to act as executioner.”

Viewer Quotes

  • “There are no holes in that pool table. And no cue ball. How are you supposed to play that?”

What We Learned

  • Plague zone isn’t contagious.
  • Frodan is a lie and nobody can pronounce it.

Final Take

This movie was trying to be too smart for its own good. It should have leaned more into the ridiculous premise and silly futuristic vibe, but it took itself too seriously and suffered for it. In the end it will only be remembered for a few stupid quotes and the names Helen and Bone which were repeated probably 1000 times. I can’t say I recommend it.

09
May
24

TC 2000 (1993)

Date watched: 5/9/24

Starring: Billy Blanks, Bolo Yeung

Plot:

Somewhere in an apocalyptic future, where the rich live underground and the poor are left to fend for themselves on the surface by forming gangs, corrupt members of an underground security force plot to destroy the surface. (From IMDB)

Rules:

  • Lazers
  • Say “TCU”
  • Say “breaker”
  • Have fights for no reason
  • Billy Blanks does the splits

Quotes:

  • “Back to surface world for you chump.”
  • While she’s dying… “You said we’d be partners forever.”
  • “You want to see the sights.. you got to pay the price.”

Viewer Quotes:

  • “This looks like a movie made by stuntmen for stuntmen.”
  • “Can we drink for Billy Blanks haircut as well?”
  • “Are we to assume that their clothes are made of rat?”  (Note: They have fur on them.  Hence the rat comment.)

Things We Learned:

  • In the future, crooks attack the cops on ziplines.
  • You punch through a clown to hit the guy behind him.
  • Picassos sleep during the day.
  • The best way to kill a man is to scratch him like a cat.

Final Take:

This was pretty good. It brought back a lot of memories watching Billy Blanks and thinking about his Tae Bo workouts. The visuals and plot are totally throw away 90’s straight to video style. Having Bolo Yeung involved is always a plus too.




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